First story ever for contest!


#1

Heyo everyone! I have a new story available called:
image
H & V: The Smoke that Separates us !
It’s (going to be) a 5 chapter long drama, psychological story that might be more for older audiences, although I made it so younger audiences will enjoy it too!
It’s about a man who’s stopped smoking for his family’s sake, and is currently enjoying life to its fullest, although something happens at a family lunch that will change his life forever…

Have fun reading!

Cheers,
R.


Grown Up Stories- Give Me Recs!
#2

Hey! Your story seems interesting :thinking: I will read it!!

If you want we can do Review4Review :blush:
This is my story:
Title: ONE-WAY TICKET FOR U
Author: Cribb
Genre: Drama
Description: Cleo’s life changes right before her departure for Spain. Will this holiday help her to forget, or everything will get worse?
No one can be trusted.
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5288765660987392


#3

bump


#4

This actually sounds really good! I’ve been dying for something like this.


#5

Thank you! I hope you like it!

Cheers,
R.


#6

I’m really happy to see Spotlight being used for once. I’m crossing over from normal writing onto this platform (or attempting–privately), and it helps with allowing more creative liberty with descriptions. More actual writing and all that jazz, but still great practice for dialogue work. Very much looking forward to more of this. :smile_cat:


#7

Thank you so much! I’m also having a shot at EPISODE, coming from normal (actual) writing, so I’m not all that used to the new format. If you have a story published, or you plan on making/publishing, feel free to contact me! I can help edit/review/anything really!

Cheers, and thank you once again,
R.


#8

Well, anyway I read your story. It was my first Spotlight story (I though it wasn’t my style) but I really enjoyed your story. The narration is very good and I liked the choices. While I was reading, I didn’t care that there weren’t the usual characters’ movements. Good job


#9

Thank you so much!

Cheers,
R.


#10

bump


#11

Hi, Res!

Thank you very much for creating this thread, this is very kind of you!
If you are interested in reading a story with several mini-games and where CHOICES REALLY MATTER then, please, give my story a try. This is my first story ever but I have put a lot of effort in it and would highly appreciate any feedback! I am also happy to read 4 chapters of your story if you read 4 chapters of my story. (I promise, it will keep you hooked :blush: )

My story details:

Name of story: H & V: Fate
Author: Alex Af
Genre: Thriller
Episodes: 4 (completed)
Summary of story: Young ambitious journalist hunting down a powerful tycoon who has made a fortune based on lies. But who really is a villain here? Choices matter.
Link to story: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6548486212681728
Instagram: @episode.alex.af


#12

This sounds really interesting! I’ll defiantly give it a read!

Cheers,
R.


#13

Thank you very much! I am really looking forward to your feedback!

:blue_heart::blue_heart::blue_heart:


#14

Heyo! I read 2 chapters of your story, and might I just say, the term ‘hidden treasure’ doesn’t even begin to describe the story! Finally! Some originality! Sorry for the over cheerfulness, I’m in a better mood than normal today.

Anyway, here’s some things that I thought I should point out about the story/critique (again, I’m in a better mood today, so it probably won’t be as strict as normal, I might actually reread the story when I’m in a normal mood to give you the full Res critiquing experience.).

  1. Grammatical errors. Like you said, English isn’t your first language, so I’m not going to dwell too much on this, but for a second language English speaker, you certainly did do a good job with this. Just remember to reread your story constantly to make 103% sure there’s no errors.

  2. Scripting errors. Now, this is the part that bugged me the most, even though this story is pretty good with its directing and certainly way better than some stories I’ve seen on EPISODE, there was some that you could look over, but some you can’t. Like, for example, in episode 2, for a good portion of the episode, there was no actors being displayed. Now, the reason why this upset me wasn’t because it was an error, but it was because when I’m reading/watching a thriller/detective movie, I like to see the people’s faces or at least imagine them. Just the way I am. Some of the smaller errors are basically ones that only either a person who is, like me, looking to critique stories, or wants to expose errors and call authors lazy and terrible at coding, also me. They are just small ones that do annoy me, like zooms failing even after I don’t click, music still playing even when it’s not necessary, stuff like that. If you do want to fix the coding in your stories, I suggest you focus on the bigger ones first, like I said, the other ones are smaller and can be done some other time.

  3. Characters. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love seeing characters interacting and, well, acting right in front of you. EPISODE is famous for it afterall. However, the only problem with this type of format, is that people forget to add depth to the characters, opting for a movie style format than a writing one. This is sadly the case with this story. Right off the bat, we’re supposed to be introduced to the characters and all their little personalities and traits and know, vaguely, how their minds work. So much so, that they become like real people. However, this story just doesn’t add too much depth to the characters. Now, don’t worry, it’s entirely common and people are probably used to it on EPISODE and just ignore it. But as an author talking to another, I do have to say that they, I’m saying this really nicely, are as deep as the shadow of a dead person. …Actually that does sound a little mean dang it. But anyway, you get my point. In lighter news, however, the way your story is made sort of makes you forget about it, and like I said, people are probably used to it, so you don’t have to worry about changing the script or anything. I’m just saying, for future reference, to keep in mind that you would need to expand on emotions a little more.

Now here’s some things that I liked about it.

  1. Story. I honestly appreciate a story that is original. And I love the way it wants you to just keep on reading and enjoy it.

  2. Directing. If you ignore all the script errors, this story does have a lot of well done directing. Especially since it’s so hard to frickin’ code. So kudos to you for that. Here’s an imaginary gold star for you.

  3. Format. Now, the way this story is formated is remarkable. The minigames are fun, the choices and the idea behind them are fun and amazing, what else could you ask for?

Final thoughts.

All in all, I do honestly believe that the story had a lot of potential and that you do as well. Just remember to constantly recheck your stories and you will be set.

However, I would like to point out something really quick that I would like to say personally. The story doesn’t deserve to be on EPISODE. In my own opinion, you could most likely turn it into a best seller just as easily as making it on EPISODE. Like, seriously, all this effort just to have it for free? Well, ads do pay a bit, but it isn’t that much. You and your story deserve wayyy much better than that. I personally feel saddened that this isn’t an actual book. I would have paid and read it if it were. Like, seriously,you deserve way better than this.

Whelp, that’s all I can say at the moment, it is late and I haven’t had my dinner yet.

Cheers,
R.


#15

OMG, thank you SO MUCH for all your kind words and your very constructive criticism, this is the best review I have ever got.

Unfortunately, with zooms and characters being displayed it’s not actually the script error, it’s the glitch that is happening to everybody now. I think I should actually highlight it in the writer’s corner as it’s really annoying that you put so much effort in directing and the app just fails you. Were you reading from iOS or Android? On iOS devices the story mainly looks as it is supposed to. Other writers also told me that when there is a mess-up you just need to quit the chapter and then come back to it: this will solve the problem.

I am a perfectionist, so I spent tons of time on directing, and a whole separate day for music. It really pisses me off that the app is not doing what it is supposed to do as I have tested the story like a hundred times both on the laptop and the phone and it is supposed to work properly.

Still, thank you very much for highlighting these issues! I will look into them and update the chapters once the contest is over as, unfortunately, if I update now, it resets the story progress and this affects the reader engagement.

I agree with you that characters need a more in-depth story. There is a flashback in chapter 3, have a look at it, I am sure you will appreciate it. However, I still believe it is not enough. I really hope my story will get enough reads and will be well-received so that it motivates me to continue it, and then I will definitely have enough time to go into the characters’ phycology (I 100% agree it is absolutely crucial)

Overall, you really have just made my week. (day just wouldn’t be enough as it is the most amazing review ever) You can’t even imagine how grateful I am and how much this means to me.

I will definitely check out your story as well as I love the description just as much as the fact that the MC is a guy. I will do my best to write a similarly constructive review for you.

Let’s stay in touch! My newly setup IG is @episode.alex.af

I would be happy to promote your story as well. Judging by your feedback and the story description I am sure it is a very deep and thought through story which needs sharing. I am also way older than 13, so I am really happy that it targets adults :wink:

Lots of LOVE!

:blue_heart::blue_heart::blue_heart:


#16

No problem! Always happy to help! I would also love to hear a review and what you think about my story too!

Cheers!
R.


#17

Hi! I also published my first story for the contest. Would you be interested in ding a read for read? I can provide screenshots proving that I’ve read at least 3 chapters of your story :slight_smile:


#18

Hey, sure! I’d love to read it! Warning though, I’m quite rough and tough with reviewing and critiquing (I’ve had people try to report me for ‘insulting their stories’), so if you’re unsure that you want to continue writing, or have trouble keeping up with writing, I’d probably suggest (depending on your state of mind) to either not have me review your story, or read it while you’re the happiest person on the planet. Just post your story and I’ll have a read! Don’t worry about sending screenshots, you can also give me a review and I’ll know that you read it.

Cheers,
R.
(btw, sorry for not replying sooner, I was out, I’m also about to go to bed so I might not respond for a while.)


#19

I don’t mind having my story be ripped apart. Yes, it may put me down for a bit, but it’s the only way I’ll improve. When I say that I want to improve as writer, I mean it. I’ll mentally prepare for the worst and have my tissues ready just in case lol I look forward to reading what you have to say :blush:
Title: H & V: Lie to me
Author: Alexandra Mar
Genre: Mystery/Drama with romantic subplots
Description: After only serving 3 years of a 25 to life sentence, Aiden Suarez is mysteriously released. But wait, what’s that? Oh right, “Aiden Suarez” no longer exists.
http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6378501067505664http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6378501067505664
lie%20to%20me%20cover


#20

Hi, Res!

I finished your story yesterday, I actually read it in one breath! I will DM you my thoughts.