Free Story Reviews!


#1

Hi! Long story short, I will be doing free story reviews. Just fill out the form below if you want one.

Do you want me to point out grammar mistakes (yes/no):
TITLE:
AUTHOR:
LINK:

Thanks! :slight_smile:


#2

Heres my story

Story Title : The Art of The Deal
Author : GraceX
Link:http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4622710791208960
Description:
Romance, betrayal and secrets. What will happen when Isobel gets involved in the black market of the art world and a sexy gang leader?
Insta: epy.gracex


#3

Here’s the details to my story in case you want to check it out.
Title: Shattered Souls
Author: SS
Genre: Romance
Style: Ink
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5150158950367232
Shattered%20souls


#4

NOT ALWAYS A BAD THING

Author - Mary Alishia’Xo

Genre - Romantic and drama
Description - You have had a rocky past but will everything be calm now or is this the start of the storm?? :sob: :blush: :sob::heart::heart_eyes:

Link - http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6503582027612160
Style Ink
Episodes

could you check for any mistake you thin k I made cheers hun


#5

I like the cover art and the use of zooms.

First and foremost, when you’re using narrator boxes to explain what a character is feeling, MAKE SURE TO CHANGE THE CHARACTERS’ ANIMATIONS to avoid them freezing. It’s kinda hard to explain but basically what I mean is

NARRATOR
Blah blah blah.

@CHARACTER1 is ANIMATION and CHARACTER2 is ANIMATION

NARRATOR
Blah Blah blah

NARRATOR
Blah blah blah.

@CHARACTER1 is ANIMATION and CHARACTER2 is ANIMATION

etc.

Frozen characters may be a deal breaker for some readers + having characters move rather than standing like a statue in the background improves the flow of the story :wink:

(THE SAME THING APPLIES TO WHEN THERE’S TWO OR MORE CHARACTERS IN A SCENE BUT ONLY ONE CHARACTER IS SPEAKING. If a character is in the scene but doesn’t say something for at least 2 lines (or more) of dialogue, change their animation. I’m just highlighting this because more than half of the first chapter consists of Isobel speaking and introducing herself but without doing any animations and to make sure people bother to continue reading your story, you should think about looking over that.

Speaking of zooms, I like them, however there is a way to zoom closer to a character while having dialogue. (don’t quote me on this though, I haven’t written a story in like six months so I’ve forgotten a lot of the coding) but I think it’s:

&zoom on POSITION to % in TIME

(use a & instead of @)


#6

Title: Like a boss
Author: Brooklyn V
Genre: Drama/Romance
Style: INK (no customization)
Description:
Mia is not like other girls. She’s the new gang leader. What happens when the enemy kidnaps her, not knowing who she really is?
Will there be love or war?
Thanks for making this thread, I hope you check out my story and give me honest review. :blush:


#7

Do you want me to point out grammar mistakes (yes/no):
TITLE: RETALIATION
AUTHOR: SAKA MOSHOOD ABIODUN
LINK: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5630965940879360http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5630965940879360


#8

Thanks! Im so aware my coding is dodgy at the beginning… I need to go back and sort it out!

thanks for the review xx


#9

Yeah, but considering you have around 20 episodes (which is impressive) I don’t doubt for a second that your directing has improved ^.^


#10

Pretty interesting title, with a cute cover art!

Okay so I don’t remember how to fix sliding characters properly but occasionally, when walking or running, your characters starts sliding across the screen without finishing the animation. Make sure your coding looks something like (for example)

@CHARACTER enters from right to screen center AND CHARACTER does it while run_athletic

@pause for 2

INSERT REST OF SCRIPT

Your spot directing could use a little bit of tweaking here and there, but spot directing can be pretty hard, especially if you’re new at it so you’re doing a good job so far!

A couple of other things:

  • When a scene starts, make sure to use:

&CHARACTER stands POSITION AND CHARACTER faces DIRECTION AND CHARACTER does it while ANIMATION. Having the character do an animation at the beginning of the scene helps improve the flow of the scene. Same thing when a scene is ending, make sure the character do an animation rather than idle.

  • A few of your speech bubbles is a bit too long. It is recommended to not use more than 2-3 lines per bubble.

  • You’re forgetting to place dots at the end of certain sentences and a few new sentences aren’t beginning with a capital letter, which they should be. Some words in the middle of a sentence should not be capitalized, but they are.

I’m sure you know this already but to clarify what I mean by what I wrote above, ONLY words which should begin with a capital letter is: The first word of the sentence, name of people, name of places. Words like ‘‘will’’ and ‘‘need’’ should NOT be capitalized :slight_smile: Oh! Also, the letter i, should ALWAYS be capitalized.

Your story has a pretty good flow though, which is good! At the end of chapter one where you talk about English not being your first language and all that, it’s not necessary to mention that. Firstly, because your English is decent and easy to understand, secondly because you’re writing in a foreign language which is pretty cool, and you shouldn’t have to apologize for that! :smiley:

(everything mentioned below can be found in episode 2)

  • Gideon says ‘‘Sure, Know get dressed that I have a meeting to attend.’’ The dialogue should be changed to something like ‘‘Sure. I have a meeting to attend, so get dressed.’’

  • Gideon says ‘‘Please you though what you wanted now I have to go, but hey it was fun. I would say we could do this again, but I never screwed the same chick twice so.’’ this is more grammatically correct: ‘‘Glad to know you got what you wanted, but I have to go now. This was fun though and I would say we could do this again but I never screw the same chick twice.’’

Okay I accidentally clicked past it so I don’t know what it said but towards the end of the chapter, you say something like ‘‘The girl is going to give Gideon a run for is money’’ you forgot the heigh in Him :wink:


#11

I hope it has haha!! otherwise I should just give up now :tired_face:

But thanks so much for the feedback. Always good to learn how to improve!!

haha I feel like I’ve written 20 eps for myself though… let’s see if people read it! lol


#12

Thank you so much for your review. I’ll change those sentences, and review the rest because of the capital letters, I’ll also review the directing, I tried to improve in the next chapters but the first 3 were more difficult, cause I started in the mobile app. I’ll review it as well.
Thank you.:slight_smile:


#13

Not Always a Bad Thing, looks better than Not always a bad thing.

First of all! Please, please remove the ‘‘my first story, I apologize in advance, so sorry if there is any mistakes.’’ I understand why you’d put that in, I think we’ve all done that at one point but 1) when most people read that, they will click of the story, thinking it’s not worth wasting time on considering the author themselves doesn’t seem to believe in it. 2) Writing and coding an episode as a beginner is SUPER HARD. You should be proud of yourself for managing to put one out. Sure, it may not be perfect but as I said, being a beginner writer and coder is hard. We all know that. You’ll improve the more you write. I feel as if this is your first ever episode story (or one of your firsts) So I’ll make sure to tell you everything you may need :slight_smile: A lot of the things you’ve done is things I did too when I wrote my first story, so you know, we’re all equals here.

  1. Your introduction needs to be changed. You need to hook your readers interest almost immediately and if there’s one thing most readers don’t enjoy, it’s black screens, a character who’s just standing there while a narrator introduces the character.

  2. At the end of every sentence there should be a dot. The first letter of NAMES and PLACES should be capitalized.

  3. ‘‘But know one thinks you are brother and sister.’’ sentence should be: ‘‘No one thinks that you’re Brother and Sister.’’ (at least that’s what I interpret that the sentences states)

Honestly though I’m really impressed that you managed to include so many character customization options in your first episode, I still haven’t figured that out lmao.

  1. DO NOT LET YOUR CHARACTERS FREEZE. Change your characters’ animations for EVERY 2nd narrator box/speech bubble.

  2. Characters are popping in from left and right. Make sure to place all of them before you start the dialogue.
    And use & instead of @ to avoid them popping up :slight_smile:

  3. Alishia overlaps Jake. Make sure to place one or the other on a different position. (at the beach)

  4. ‘‘Do you really think you can’t win her over by calling her hot?’’ I’m pretty sure you mean can :wink:

  5. when a character is speaking, make sure their mouth is moving


#14

Yes
TITLE: HEART OF GLASS
AUTHOR: Agustinaofficial
GENRE: Romance
LINK: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5079788684967936


#15

Hello there, @smgdenise!

Thank you for creating this thread! Would you like to read mine?

Grammar Mistakes: Yes, please.
Title: Your Secret Admirer
Author: EpisodeCray
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4654341800198144

Is it okay for you to PM me the review here on Episode forums?

Thank you for taking the time to review my story. I hope you’ll enjoy it.

X


#16

Hi smgdenise!
I am just a new writer here in episode.
I would appreciate a review from you!
Do you want me to point out grammar mistakes (yes/no): yes
TITLE: Once upon a December
AUTHOR: Jhellybelly
LINK: https://episode.app.link/YKt2zMfHqM

Im sorry I just published it this afternoon.
Thank you so much!


#17

Title: Bulletproof dumplings, Bulletproof heart
Author: TboneTys
Link:

Hope you like it :smile:


#18


Name - Retaliation
AUTHOR - Saka Moshood Abiodun


#19

Do you want me to point out grammar mistakes (yes/no): yes but don’t be so hard :joy: because my first language is Spanish

TITLE: Returning Home

AUTHOR: Xime Astorga

LINK:http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5825255512080384
Thank you!!


#20

Yes please!! Here is my story!
Title: Once Upon a December
Author:Jhellybelly
Genre: romance
Link:
https://episode.app.link/YKt2zMfHqM

Stephanie has been hurt most of her life. As she unfolds secrets from her past, once upon a December, would her life change or would she ends up with regrets?

Thank you so much!