Freindship problem!
The other day I asked one of my close friends, what she was doing on the weekend and she said she was going to a party with one of her friends she does swimming with. But then I literally found out that she was going to one of our friends birthday party, whose in our friendship group. I donât care that I wasnât invited or not, because the girl who decided to have a birthday party, itâs her birthday she getâs to decide. But I do care that one of my close friends lied to my face, like I understand that she maybe wasnât try to to hurt my feelings or not. But friends should be honest with eachother and I like people who I can trust. The next time I see her, I donât know what to do. I need your help!
By the way you can post your friendship problems here and friendship problems you had in the pastđ
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It seems like she only lied because she doesnât want you to feel bad she was invited and you werenât. She was trying to save your feelings from being hurt. Obviously, she should have told you but how was she supposed to know you would react if you werenât invited to a party? Iâm not saying lying was okay, because itâs not, but you need to see it from her point of view on why she did it.
Is this her first time lying to you?
You really need to talk to her about it. Donât wait for her to bring it up and apologize. Ask her why she lied and talk it out.
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If the friendship isnât build on trust, honesty. It wonât work, I had terrible relationships with a ton of people in the past. One friend I was friends for years, one day she stopped talking to me and another I was best friends with her she doesnât even talk to me anymore at first she started hanging out with someone else and completely forgot about me. We tried being friends this year but all she does is ignore me when I texted her. They both left around the time I needed them I was going through stuff mentaly. I had another who I thought would be my friend for once my dadâs ex made a friendship between us and it didnât end well one day in class I couldnât see because my eyesight is horrendous, I was looking at the board and paying attention to the teacher. She ended up after class talking to my friend about me behind my back saying I know Iâm beautiful in all but she didnât have to look at me. Then she called my dadâs ex my step mother which was out of line talking about how she never wanted to be friends with me that it was my dadâs ex idea and that she didnât like me. She went on a whole rant about me not knowing I was behind her. I yelled at her in the hall saying how full of herself that she my dadâs ex isnât my step mom also I told her I came to NY needing a friend I was so angry I almost slapped her. My friend old friend told her to go down stairs. What really annoyed me was someone in he hall in front of me yelled she can talk I pushed him away him almost falling down the stairs. Another one I had was arranged by my dadâs ex. Friendship was alright until her family talked about my family behind our backs. Lets just say I have bad luck with friends.
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Thank u for the advice, I really needed itđ
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Iâm sorry to hear that. I hope you will find a better friend, who you can trust and nice to youâ¤ď¸
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Youâre welcome. When someone hurts you or makes a mistake, itâs always best to talk to them directly.
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I used to have a bunch of drama and problems when I was in a big friend group. They would only invite me when all of us are together. They would never invite me when a few hung out at a time. It was annoying and definitely hurtful to hear they hung out the weekend before without telling me. Thatâs why big friend groups arenât the best. Favorites among the group develop and they will side with certain ones, creating drama with the others. In the end, I left the group because they all bullied me out for a miscommunication between me and another person. That person was a favorite among the group and I wasnât lol.
Now, I only have two friends. I rarely hang out with one of them because our schedules just havenât matched up lately. The other one is my boyfriend, so we hang out a lot lol.
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I agree as well I think smaller groups like 4 or 3 are the best. Than the big groups because in a big friendship group, there will always be someone who doesnât like you. Also, Iâm glad you have 2 friends who care about you very muchđ
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Yeah, kinda had a similar experience. I hate feeling left out and sharing friends with my siblings (weâre kinda close in age) so one of my priorities for friendship is to have friends that make an effort to include me and are mainly my friends, not my siblingsâ friends. Cuz it sucked when my friend would start inviting my sister places and never me. It really hurt.
I mean, @Ellenxoxo obviously I canât really tell you what to do. If this kind of thing keeps happening maybe switch your friend group? But if itâs just a one time thing then I wouldnât worry. I wouldnât worry about that one friend lying to you but you should talk to her about it. I mean, nobody is perfect and we all mess up. But if this is a routine thing you should probably talk about it and establish some boundaries. Ex, âHey, I know youâre going to that party and thatâs fine, but I feel hurt and felt that you lied to me. Next time, can you tell me honestly if this happens again?â If you donât establish boundaries like that, well there arenât really any ârulesâ in the relationship so the other person doesnât know what to do in that situation.
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Iâm sure she meant well and didnât wanna hurt you, you should sit her down and have a chat about this issue and donât jump into any conclusions until youâve heard her out.
I used to be in a toxic friendship with 3 other girls because one of them was being toxic. Because we were her friends, she wasnât toxic to us at first. But as our friendship progressed, she sat me and another girl down and started talking bad about the 4th friend. I donât know why I just sat there quietly listening as I should have called her out and told the 4th friend. Iâm also sure that she doesnât like me and excludes me and talks bad about me as well since there are times she doesnât invites me to places but invites the rest. I also get hints from the rest that she was saying mean things behind my back and she has this very impatient pissy attitude when sheâs around me. I donât know why I didnât leave that friend group since I also had better friends than her. However she wasnât mean to this particular friend in the friend group of 4. I think itâs cuz sheâs jealous of me and the 4th friend I mentioned earlier, sheâs always saying how the 4th friendâs rlly pretty and getting good grades and saying how I get good grades and am good in sports all the time.
Later on I found out that this mean girl was diagnosed with depression which suddenly made everything make more sense. She was probably fighting a emotional battle inside her and now I just hope sheâs better and have changed.
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This is why I donât do rl friendships. Lying can be a problem for the friendship and can cause a lot. Iâd say to talk to them and see why they lied to you in the first place.
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yeah i think she didnât want to hurt your feelings but she shouldnât have lied because if she considers you her friend then she shouldnât lie. She has to decide who is her priority you or the others, even if u all are group of best friends.
And to be honest i really hate group friends i would rather have one loyal best friend than a bunch of fake bishes.
I understand your problems since i also used to have a group best friends but guess what its just a waste of time, i mean they are fake people infront of us.
So ya know its pointless to have this friendships but it doesânt mean that every friendships would be same. I hope everything goes good 4 u 
and never forget we all are here if u need someone to talk to or share this problems
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Iâm curious, so you do online friendships? They can lie and be fake too 
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I really think you develop better friendships after high school. The friend Iâm close with now, we didnât start hanging out until freshman year of college. We went to the same high school and did talk to each other but never hung out. Weâve been friends ever since, 8 years and counting.
Only question your friendships if they keep doing the same mistake over and over again. Thatâs when you should ask yourself, is this person someone who I want to be friends with?
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I know that too. Which is why Iâm careful. Iâm trying to do rl friendships but itâs hard for me. 
How can you be careful with online friendships?
And for real life friendships, how is it hard for you? Is it because bad experiences with friends in the past?
Iâm just curious, thatâs all.
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