Give your feedback on my story?


#1

Hi! My name is Sandra and I recently published my first story. I was hoping if anyone would be able to read and give me their feedback? I would really appreciate it.
Story Title: The Boys Next Door
Author: Sandra!!
Genre: Drama
Style: Ink
Description: When Emily’s boyfriend cheats on her, she’s convinced she’ll never be able to love again. That is until she meets her new neighbors…
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6203650132541440


#2

I’ll give you feedback when I’m done reading it if that’s okay?


#3

That would be great, thank you!!


#4

Okay so I read episode one (because I’m out of passes so I can’t read more)
And from the description I honestly thought it was going to Be very cliche but from episode one it didn’t seem like it.

PROS:

  • I really liked your use of overlays.
  • I like the difference between the two LI’s
  • The friend seems very supportive, protective and funny at the same time.
  • I like your zooms and directing.
  • I liked the way the characters had their own unique personalities

CONS:

  • When The MC and her ex boyfriend were sleeping in the bed then MC popped on as it zoomed on her
  • You introduced the friend and MC but it wasn’t short and sweet so it wasn’t too bad but try to show not tell.

#5

I’ve tried to fix that issue in that scene but I unfortunately haven’t been able to.
Thank you for your feedback, I’ll make sure to keep in mind your tip about introductions.