I will not say that I completely understand what you’re going through, because at the end of the day you have your own story as I have my own. But I’m certainly going through something similar.
Especially within these past few months, depression and anxiety have both taken an immense toll on me. To cope, I’ve been writing in a Google document. I had my first ever therapy appointment on October 28, and my third appointment is on this Monday. I don’t want to jinx it, but I’ve been feeling better than I have simply a month ago. Ironically, I was just going through my document for analytical purposes, and I found this piece from October 7th:
“ Maybe I would be better off gone. Maybe everybody would be better off with me gone. I can’t give up like that. I need to keep going. I need to. There’s got to be something out there for me. There has to be. ——, what if there isn’t? Am I just living for something that I partially don’t believe in, and therefore unreal? I’m just suffering everyday. I’m so exhausted. I’m so ——— exhausted. So, so exhausted with all of this.”
And somehow I go on these forums and I see this post. I don’t know exactly what I believe in, but I think the universe purposefully put me here so I can write this to you.
Keep trekking though the mud. Keep swimming against the current. Keep running through the fire.
Always find something to fight for, whether it’s that competition, the possibility of helping someone else, the desire to eat your favorite food. It doesn’t matter how big or how small, just continue to look for the next thing to look forward to. It’s not easy, but it’s possible.
I don’t know you. I don’t know even a sliver of your life. Yet I’m telling you, you’re loved. You are worth it. I appreciate you. It’s cheesy, this whole thing is, but I mean every word. You have this community to fall back on whenever you need it :))
You won’t feel better overnight. There will be hills to overcome and demons to face. But just keep fighting. You’re incredibly strong and persistent and I believe in you. If you absolutely ever need anybody to talk to, I’m here :)) Hoping the sun shines a little stronger for you.