Happy to read and give feedback on your stories/character design!

I’ve realised I’ve got a lot of spare time on my hands these days so I thought I’d throw myself out there to those of you who want feedback on your stories- whether they be scripts that are finished or unfinished or even just an idea you need a brainstorm buddy to help with.
I’m in and out of the forums where I’m messing with my own stuff however if you comment/message me I’ll be sure to get back to you asap!
I don’t mind reading any genre and I’ll be sure to find good things of note along with any not so good things (I know that only getting the ‘negatives’ can be a bit of a downer sometimes and it’s important to remember that the stuff that works is just as vital as the stuff that doesn’t!)
I’m also happy to give feedback on characters you’ve made that you’re not sure if they will work or not- especially costumes.

Other stuff: I’ve studied creative writing, film studies, animation and drama (acting). This doesn’t really matter in terms of a reader being a reader, I just know some of you have ‘standards’ in terms of wanting a more academic approach- to which I can say that I can switch between formal and informal feedback for whichever suits you. This also means I can get into the head of your intended target audience an give feedback from their perspective rather than just my own.

I can give feedback through word documents, private messages or even a voice call if you want- just let me know beforehand.

I hope this makes sense and that I didn’t ramble too much- my hands tend to get possessed once they touch my keyboard! I really do have too much time at the moment and I thought I may as well try to make myself useful :sweat_smile:


Thanks for this thread, I’d love an honest feedback :heart:
Author: Tulipsode
Genre: Adventure
Style: Limelight
Episodes: 4
Description: Far away in the universe, there is the diamond planet, where the king is hungry for power, will you be able to stop him? (Male MC, CC, Choices matter, LGBT+ option)
Story Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5546434510389248
Story Cover:

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I’ll give it a read! Are you happy for me to private message you with the feedback or do you want to receive it another way?

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Thank you so much :two_hearts:
Private message is perfect :heart:

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Thank you so much for offering your help! I have an unpublished story I am working on, and I am pre-writing it. I only have 4 episodes, and I need to correct the 4th episode’s spot directing and coding. Once I’m done, could I message you the link to my story? It’s in LL, has CC, and you can choose the gender of your love interest.

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Awesome! Message me once it’s ready and I’ll give it a read too!

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I’d Love some feedback :two_hearts:
My story:
Title: Under the Stars
Author: Aykay
Genre: romance
Description: One day Jasmine decided to start a new life in the big city. But it seemed that fate isn’t good to her. Her only ray of hope: Ian Veira, a city boy through and through…
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6752037555208192

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I’d love to get feedbacks! Thank you for doing this :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Title: Blackbird
Author: Licorice
Genre: Action
Summary: Being her personal assistant isn’t the only thing Chase’s new boss has in mind for him. Secrets of the underworld begin to unveil, and not everything is exactly as it seems. (Male & female MC, point system, impactful choices)
Style: Limelight
Episodes: 5 (more coming soon)

Link: https://bit.ly/365yrLB
Instagram: @licorice.ep

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Would you like me to private message you the feedback too? :slight_smile:

Would you like me to private message you the feedback? :slight_smile:

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Thanks for for this thread! I’d love to get your opinion about my story :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

So here’s my story:
Title: Reality behind Glasses
Genre: Drama, Romance
Episodes: 4(more coming soon)
Description: Layla returns back home to reunite with her childhood friends - disguised as a guy! But on her first day in school, she’s exposed by one of her classmates! [LL,CC, Art,Choices M]
Style: Limelight

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5385205688631296

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Awesome! would you like me to private message you the feedback? :slight_smile:

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You can do it here if you like :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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I’m currently working by reading the first episode to give feedback and then if you’d like me to format it in a different way/cover something more or less specific etc then I can do that with the rest of the episodes (I obviously don’t want to be too vague or too in depth and I certainly don’t want to upset anyone with my feedback x).

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Please be as brutal as possible :laughing:. That will help me to improve my story :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Yes :slight_smile:

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Hey! I just finished reading the first episode of your story and will paste my notes I made below.
I hope they don’t come across too brash or formal- let me know if you would like specific feedback.
I thought I’d better see if you are ok with this kind of feedback/let you know what it may sound like for the other episodes before I continue <3
I’ll wait to hear if this kind of feedback is ok before reading the other episodes (I don’t want to send them all at once in note form like this and having it upset you, if that makes sense x)

Just finished reading your first episode and have pasted the feedback below!

I hope I didn’t get too carried away with my feedback- I tend to ramble on a bit.

Please let me know if this kind of feedback/the format of it is useful to you, as if you’d prefer to receive it in a more/less specific way I can change it up/change the way I word things for the next episode!

I’ll wait to hear if this is ok with you before doing the other episodes just so I can get myself into the right frame of mind etc.

I’ve also blurred my feedback just so that anyone who wants to read it can do without any spoilers.

Episode 1
I was curious with the lip colour thing but when it was explained you gave me a laugh.

Didn’t change anything other than the lip colour to fair rose as a way to ‘script-test’ how the customisation works (ie if there are any bugs) and for personal preferences. Love Layla’s design and looking forward to seeing her ‘as a guy’!

Didn’t change anything about the first love interest, love his design and costuming and it all looks natural.

Accidentally clicked something on the second love interest so I’m not sure if Triangle Defined Chin was his original face. Other than that, I didn’t change anything. Loved his design too.

Love the use of foreground pieces (?) that give text instead of just the boxes.

Not sure if my story is glitched but for the ‘there I was all alone’ part no one was onscreen. If there’s not meant to be, maybe you should consider adding her in sitting/standing at the fountain? I’m assuming she’s the guy stood in the back corner however it may be a bit more intriguing/mysterious if Layla was crying at the fountain, as from the narration it sounds as though she is meant to be upset and not being able to see her face/no body language doesn’t get that across as well as if she were crying in view of the camera or even doing the crying/sad animation facing away for the body language.

Some of the background characters have black lips. I’m not sure if it’s intentional- it’s just a bit distracting when you’re presumably not meant to be paying too much attention to them (other than if they were a goth kid). Might be a glitch (sometimes characters get white lips when they’re not meant to so maybe it’s happened with black lips?).

The hallway scene feels like it isn’t needed/is just there to let us know there’s a new kid, so it may have been better to have had him walk by/use it as an introduction to him or just have cut the scene out completely and jumped straight to the classroom after the school bell, which would also allow you to cut out the establishing shot that I personally feel isn’t needed, especially with the school bell establishing where we are going to be by itself.

I like the teacher’s design.

The school uniform Layla is wearing is clipping through the jacket she’s got on. Not something that’s vital to change but is a bit distracting.

I do wish there was a ‘customise Layla as a boy’ option, though I do like her design.

I am wondering why she needs to be disguised as a boy when the school has female students too, but it is adding to the mystery!

I chose to be awkward.

The first love interest looks like he knows what’s up! It’s creating some great tension with trying to figure out if he knows or not!

I feel like there should be a choice on how to first interact with your love interest, but it’s not needed. Just felt like it was leading up to a choice.

I like the first love interest. He seems humorous (in the good kind of way) where you’re left to figure out what he’s thinking yourself.

I do feel as though you don’t need to show his thoughts to the reader, as not having his thoughts would add to the mystery of ‘does he know?’, though knowing what he’s thinking will impact the choices I make later on.

The whip sound effect made me jump a bit but the moment between the love interest and Layla did make me chuckle.

This humour is spot on! You’ve got me laughing!

I’m glad the episode doesn’t just end there- I was hoping to see a little bit more/the aftermath.

Again, having him be so quiet is quite humorous and adds to the mystery- it’s tricky to pull off a ‘silent’ character but you have!

Chose I think I am being stalked.

The principle is a savage. I like her character already and I hope I get to see more of her!

Layla is adorably awkward and likable. The more of her personality I see, the more I want to read about her.

I was hoping it would be the love interest! Great use of comedic circumstance!

I’m also liking the directing/editing so far. Good use of close ups/sound effects etc.

I’m loving the way Layla is interacting with the love interest.

I chose to accept him as the tour guide as I’d really like to see them interact with each other more, though I’m a bit sad this could mean I don’t get to meet another character yet.

Again, I’m loving the interaction between the two. It all comes across as natural!

Love the sweeping shot of the hallway- very creative!

“He noticed?” had me CRYING!

I love how he essentially breaks Layla.

Chose SCREAM! (but not like a girl) for the sake of comedy- maybe there should be a sound effect of a scream?

I love how they’re both so awkward yet funny with each other.

I did feel like the episode was going to end with him being introduced as the tour guide/at the end of the coffee scene however I am pleasantly surprised I get to read more!

The swiping transition could be a bit smoother but it’s still a natural way to progress the story and the ‘scenes’ don’t feel unnecessary.

I do like how the love interest is unintentionally creepy getting all close to Layla while she’s sleeping etc. Their personalities are built really well!

Loving the hand overlay/foreground thing!

Lovely art piece! And what a dramatic and intriguing way to end the story!

I’m excited to see where this is going! Really enjoyed reading this!

Hopefully this all makes sense (I can word things in a weird way sometimes). Definitely would recommend this to anyone willing to give it a read!

Hey, thanks so much for this detailed feedback, I really appreciate it!! :heart_eyes::heart: You’re really going into detail and this is awesome, so I can work on specific point you’ve mentioned. Thanks so much! I’d love if you would do it that way for the next chapters as well! You can PM me for the next ones. Seriously, thank you so much! :blush:

Now on to the points you’ve mentioned:

  • In the first scene, Layla was standing next to the fountain. We can only see her from the Back, cause I didn’t wanted to show her as a guy right at the beginning. Sometimes the App doesn’t show some characters (a bug) where they should be, then you’ll need to close and restart the app.

  • background characters having black lips: well I just used the Randomizer when I made the spot direction. That’s why some of them look kinda strange :joy:. Maybe I’ll change that when I got the time for it.

  • I’ve given Layla the hoodie over her uniform so that her chest would not be seen that clearly. I know it’s looks strange but I like it better that way. Otherwise you would see her chest much more.

  • There‘s a good reason why Layla is disguising herself as a guy, Even though there are females in that school as well. Everything will be explained by the end of chapter 4.

Other than that I’m really glad you enjoyed reading my story! :blush: I’ll try to work on the points you’ve mentioned. You have some seriously good suggestions to improve the quality of my story, so thank you for that! :heart: Really appreciate it! :smile:

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Thank you so much for doing this :blush::heart:
I’d love an honest feedback.
Here is so my story :
Author: AnjitaD
Title: Magicka : Master of elements
Genre: Fantasy
Episodes: 3(more coming soon)
Description: Will you and your friends able to save the world from darkness as you uncover secrets back 500 years ago ? ( MC: F, time choices points system, adventure, fantasy, mystery and action )
Style: Limelight
Link : http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5576198820528128

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Thank for this thread :heart_eyes:
I would love your feedback in a private message :purple_heart:
Title: the last breath
Author: ladies.episode
Genre: Drama
Chapters: 7 (on going)
Descreption: Sibel became a doctor as she dreamed of, but will she leave or continue her career after she was forced to marry a cruel Italian mafia.
IG: @ladies.episode

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