Harsh critique needed

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Hey! I need a harsh critique for my story! (Just the first 3 chapters) I’m not sure howto slow it down :frowning:
Ifanyone can help me with it?

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I can do it!

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Thank you so much! http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5664934106169344

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I’ll start reading rn!

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Okay, so I’m going to be completely honest. I love your story line and I think it will be a great story! One thing I was thinking you could change is that it seemed a bit rushed, maybe add some more descriptive words(wow I sound like my teachers) and slow the story down a bit, of course not too slow though! And maybe add a little more emotion to everything. Other than that,I overall think it will be a great story in the future! I love the outfit arrow choosing game and how the choices matter, that adds some more spice to the story!:fire:

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Thank you so much! I will definitely slow it down!

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Np! I can’t wait to read more in the future!

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Hey, I’ve read the first three episodes of yours. Since you can stand harsh critique, I would be honest with you okay? :blush: Here’s my thought as a reader

  1. I feel for the first episode, there’s too much information that you want to show about the character (MC). Make the character develop throughout the episodes, will make us reader, want to care about them.
  2. I feel there’s no emotion when the MC break up with the bf. The story is a bit rush for me. If you want us to feel empathy towards the character, make the bf looks even more jerk. For example, you can show them having a date but the bf is not focusing on her or he doesn’t appreciate her when she has done so much for him. What I mean is…make us hate the jerk even more.
  3. About the directing, you’ve did great job. I know the coding is hard. But, you can do better

All the best! Don’t give up okay ?! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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I read through a bit of the first chapter and straight away I noticed that there were no full stops or periods at the end of the characters sentences. Although it may seem like a very small detail, grammar is very important. Other than that I think the writing was quite good. Just keep working on it❤️

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Thank you so much! I will definitely fix my grammar errors!

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Okay thank you! I will definitely add and move some things around! Thank you so much!

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