Harsh review on your story! [CLOSED TO CATCH UP]

[hajora.writes]

Okay, thanks everyone who submitted their stories. I’m sorry for the inactivity, I’ll be getting on them ASAP, I just have some personal stuff I need to get done and writing reviews does take a long time!
However, for now I would like the thread to be closed

[hajora.writes]

Im backkk!!!
I’m sorry I’ve been inactive for the past few weeks, a lot of personal problems popped up and I had to deal with them first but I am back : )

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: The cover looks good, it’s not too choppy or unrealistic. The description is good! It definitely draws me in because it has a sort of hint of mystery to it and I want to read it because I want to know who these “loved ones” are and how they connect to the plot.

Chapter 1

• lil side note, i liked that tablet layout in the very beginning; quite cool acc!
• i think a little thing that can help flow your story is, instead of the author coming out and giving the information to the readers, maybe there could be the warning backgrounds or the picture of the cover of the story and the Narrator saying that stuff. It just makes the story flow a lot more,
• eyy, i’m from london too
• the background of the kitchen i think looked abit too realistic, it kinda made me uncomfortable lmao
• so there aren’t any mistakes i can see in terms of directing, but the plot is running quite slow for my liking. i feel like the reader doesn’t really feel connected to the MC by the end because there isn’t anything relatable going on.
• when Josie tells the reader about her friend being in a car accident, maybe she can actually show the accident? (i know it’s hard coding lol but it’ll be worth it because the reader can actually SEE the traumatisation.)
• OOoOooOh plot twistttttt, he was her ex 0.0
• okay i’m gonna be completelyyyy honest. the mc is quite dislikable oop-. fr there isnt anything distinct about her. her friend seems a lot more down to earth and likable. i think that’s done on purpose? because she’s supposed to be traumatically troubled, but fr i dont think she has much of a personality.
• okay that’s a good cliffhanger ngl. good job!

OVERALL: It was okay ig. i wouldve enjoyed it a lot more if the MC was in the least bit likeable and the story revovled around showing and not telling. so my criticism is to SHOW DONT TELL.

[hajora.writes]

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: It looks good so far. The cover doesn’t look choppy or unrealistic (like edited). However, the description could be broadened out. It doesn’t really tell us about the plot or any of the characters. It gives me kinda “slice of life” vibes which ig is good.

Chapter 1

• I liked the way the disclaimers were being shot, really professional!
• Okay the first few scenes were intensee. i was confused through a lot of it ngl, but it was good!
• The directing is really good btw!
• The suspense in the first chapter is really good! We don’t know why the professors abandoned them or why there’s no signal.
• The text scene was quite drawn out. There was a lot of information blurted out for the reader to read and it was just kinda long to read all of it.
• The rivalry between Rudo and Jindara seems really realistic (fr it reminded me of myself and my brother), so good job in making their characteristics realistic.
• Liked the mini game. Got 5/6
• Okay that bit where Jindara was shivering and then said “We need to leave right now!” literally gave me chills because i thought that they weren’t alone. Good job in conveying that!
• the thriller is amazingggggg.
• the characters are now split up and so the suspense is even more thrilling.
• all the charactcers are experiening the same schizophrenic episode which i find quite clever.
• ngl i have a lot of questions so far which just enhances the suspence.
• im ngl the conversation in the forest was kinda boring and drawn out. there wasn’t really anything meaningful for half of the convo.
• how did you get ink in that episode??? fr teach me your ways please.
• i’m so confused (good confused), the main character is actually not in a motel? and is special because she can see this lady.
• okay i feel like the episode is reallyyy dragging out. you should’ve ended it where the lady talks to the camera.
• the guy that explains it, explained it really well.

OVERALL: it was a really well directed and good suspenseful first episode and i might even continue it! but it was wayyyy tooo drawn out and longgg, i dont have the patience to sit down for over 40 minutes , other than that, it’s a really well written story and has good suspense and you did really thourough research which i admire : )

[JannahJackson]

Thank you @hajora.writes for your compliments and constructive criticism! Ahahaha yup noted. I tested it was about 20 minutes but I suppose it depends on the individual’s pace. I’ll see what I can do about it. Some mention it might be better as a movie where one does not need to tap hahaha. Then again I wish Episode has that autoplay feature like other similar apps.

I really had to google what you mean by schizophrenic ahaha. That’s an interesting take on it. I shall see what I can do about it in my story and future stories thank you!

Thank you for the review!