Hey! I’m a girl, 22 years old. (for clarification, sometimes my username confuses people). I was best friend’s (She’s 20) with this one girl for four years. We used to be very close. It got to the point where two years in, we were saying I love you to each other. She initiated it, and she was also the one to ask for my phone number first. At the time, she had a girlfriend and still currently has that same girlfriend.
However, my main concern though, is that she was saying “I love you” to me while she’s dating someone else. She’s stopped saying it recently, but it was going on for a while. That would make me super uncomfortable if I was in her girlfriend’s shoes. I don’t know why, but we went from being very close friends to not talking. I feel like it’s none of my business to ask what’s going on, so I’ll just see what the future holds.
Note: I saw more in her actions because she would ask questions like “I’m in a relationship, but I think I have feelings for someone else, what would you do? “ And she always confided in me about problems she was having with her girlfriend, calling me “beautiful and the most genuine person she’s ever met.” Her comments were quite flirty and went beyond saying I love you.
Thanks so much for anyone that reads this or has advice.
Have you ever been ghosted or had someone stop talking to you/become distant?
First of all saying, I love you can be absolutely normal between friends and doesn’t need to have any romantic meaning. I am hetero and I say it to my female friends sometimes too. I mean we are able to love children which also has no romantic/partnership meaning and the same way we can love friends. So if her girlfriend is self-confident enough there is no reason for her to feel uncomfortable with it if your friend meant it this way.
It more seems to me as if you have seen a bit more in it? Was she ever doing something that would be more than friends - like trying to kiss you?
Why do you think it was “wrong” saying while she was in a relationship?
An being honest I think you are just scared to ask her why she ended up the friendship - but it’s normal to be scared, its normal to be afraid of what she might tell you.
But asking is the only way how you can get the answer to why it is happening. Well she might not be willing to tell you, but at last, you will know you have tried.
I saw more in her actions because she would ask questions like “I’m in a relationship, but I think I have feelings for someone else, what would you do? And she always confided in me about problems she was having with her girlfriend, calling me “beautiful and the most genuine person she’s ever met.” Her comments were quite flirty and went beyond saying I love you. Ik some people are naturally flirty.
I used to have a best guy friend (regardless of the fact that i shot him down way back in highschool, I’m graduating college now, i cut him off a few years before) before, i broke it off completely with the dude because he apparently had some unrequited feelings towards me whilst still being in a relationship with his (now ex-) girlfriend, she… she didn’t know about it., needless to say, he’s out of my life now by my choice.
Yes, i said “i love you” to the guy platonically, how could i not? He used to be my rock, my confidant, and someone who was with me when i felt at my lowest. But for the sake of both of our moral code and sanity, i needed to cut him off, I just couldn’t deal with it since he’s never really changed ever since i shot him down since high school. I may have effed up there, but there are just some people you need to cut it off before it gets worse.
Speaking from experience, I’d suggest you ask her directly on what she really meant with her “i love you”'s to get a grasp on where you stand in her life and her in yours just to make sure you both are on the same page. plus, if you guys are really friends, then they’d know how to respect your feelings on the matter.
to be honest, I feel like she’s trying to distance herself from you, because she probably knows that a.) what she’s doing between you and her feels wrong, or/and b.) she’s still trying to figure some stuff out, So I’d urge you to talk it out when you’re both free and try to see if you guys are on good terms, because who knows? maybe a heart-to-heart talk is what you both need
The more reason to talk to her than.
Its pain to lose good friend and if this friendship had meaning for you it is worth at last to try to talk it out.
There can be millions of reasond why she did it. And yes sometimes friendsip evaporates as do evaporate romantic relatinships. But its always good to have a closure.
I lost a friend when she stopped to talk to me. So I asked her to talk it out. It didnt helped to safe the friendship, but it helped me realize that we actually warent friends for longer time (friends do not act like she was acting) but I didnt wanted to see it. So talking it out and finding out what is on her mind helped to cut the ilusional bod I thought we had. It was painful that I must say. But without it I will be still thinking why did she gosted me and still be hoping it will miraculosly repare itself one day.
I understand. Thanks for taking the time to talk. And maybe you’re right, I was scared to bring it up because there is a small chance she could just be busy with school and I didn’t want to make things even more awkward between us, but I had a strong feeling she was distancing herself on purpose due to the situation.
Thanks for taking the time to respond! Yeah, I get the feeling she is purposely distancing herself from me as it happened around the time same she was getting flirty. I may have liked her too at one point but I never wanted to go beyond best friends with her. Despite that I never reciprocated the flirting as it’s disrespectful to her current girlfriend.
I appreciate the advice and yeah, sometimes friendships are only meant to last a certain amount of time… they come in your life for a reason and once that reason is complete, it’s not meant to be. I’ll see if I can rekindle things with her.
I’ll answer, yes, I have been ghosted at least two times by a girl that I knew since kindergarten, then by a girl that was like a sister to me (we shared everything, I felt something more for her for a while but it was just stupid crush) and from my own knowledge, If someone ghosts you, CUT THEM OFF IMMEDIATELY. They are NOT worth your time. The people you trust and love the most hurt you the worst. (They were both my best friends but not in the same time)
And maybe you’re right, I was scared to bring it up because there is a small chance she could just be busy with school and I didn’t want to make things even more awkward between us, but I had a strong feeling she was distancing herself on purpose due to the situation.