Continuing the discussion from Helene Reviews | Free Honest Episode Story Reviews:
Review: I am Dating a Liar by @sandy_candy
What I like:
I’ve seen some stories where zooming into a character’s face is dragged out for too long, or when a character takes too long to do an animation. This story is perfectly well paced with the zooming, panning, transitioning, etc.
The episode is not too short or too long. You know when to end it and what is considered too lengthy.
You might want to look into:
Some of the coding
In the party scene, some characters suddenly appear after the camera panned to the specific zone.
You could write:
@CHARACTER spot x x x in zone #
@pan to zone #
I can understand the dialogue between the characters, but it lacks content. It’s like reading a conversation that goes “Hi. How are you?” “I’m fine. You?” “Good. What you doing?” “Nothing much.”
There are quite a few things I’m confused about. How does Ron know that Ava is interested in her boss? And why does Ron need permission from Paula to do anything? You need to elaborate on how it happened, and why some things are a certain way.
Overall, the story is decent but I think you should work on the dialogue between the characters specifically, as well as giving the readers some context on how some things happen and why they’re a certain way.
Good luck and happy writing! xx