Continuing the discussion from Helene Reviews | Free Honest Episode Story Reviews:
Review: Out of the box…?! by @24aya
What I like:
The animation in your story is pretty on point, you don’t have continuously repeating actions for the characters which is refreshing to see.
The spot directing in the story is well done, I like the college scene where there are people in various locations, and the layering is really good.
I’ve seen some stories where zooming into a character’s face is dragged out for too long, or when a character takes too long to do an animation. This story is perfectly well paced with the zooming, panning, transitioning, etc.
You might want to look into:
Capitalisation & grammar.
Eg. “As i know orphanage got shut down , i was going to offer you to to live with me”
Maybe you might not consider this an issue, but myself and many others may be bothered by mistakes like this and may be discouraged to continue reading the story.
Eg. In the first episode, there is a scene where the character Gabe and my character are supposedly walking on the highway. There are some animations you used that makes the characters look like they are traveling across the road without having to walk, since the background is looping.
Overall, what I most like is definitely the pace control. (And that “even the same strangers” part is pretty funny) The storyline and concept is decent, but could be worked on (I don’t sense a clear goal or motive of what the characters are trying to achieve until maybe the end of the first episode) I suggest moving the scene where the aliens appear, to the start of the episode, then moving on to the repeating mundane days. This way you could capture the reader’s attention from the get-go. But that’s just my opinion
Good luck and happy writing! xx