Continuing the discussion from Helene Reviews | Free Honest Episode Story Reviews:
Review: The Four Horsemen by @S_Unique
What I like:
It grabbed my attention from the very start. Very interesting.
Character Customisation and Multiple Endings
I appreciate the fact that you took the time to add the option for cc and using the point system. I always love playing stories with multiple endings.
Eg. The scene when John was laying on the grass and you gave us a shot of a field.
I think it’s amazing that you give us a visual idea of the character’s surroundings.
You might want to look into:
Eg. In the coffee shop (or was it a restaurant)
Although I like how you show the building before cutting into the scene that’s occurring inside the building. It kind of cut in there too quickly. I suggest a little panning, like what you did with the field), or a little zooming in. Be careful though, don’t drag it too long either.
Especially in the second episode, there’s many occurrences when a character is standing and talking on the left, and the speech bubble tail is on the right side. It’s a little bothering.
The cons I mentioned are not really huge issues, they’re just my opinion. Overall I did enjoy your story and I’ll continue to read it.
PS. Delilah’s job is kind of what I’m writing about in my story hahah (not published), but of course it’s a little different.
Good luck and happy writing! xx