Hello, I need some story review on my first 3 chapters (please if you guys have time) before I publish.. ^_^

Hi episode readers and creators!

I recently started my story and managed to finish 3 chapters… I haven’t publish it yet as I’m still waiting for the final background I added for approval…however, I wanted to get your help and check my story development so far and I would greatly appreciate any feedback you can give me on my first 3 chapters. I already proof read it but I think I need a new set of fresh eyes to spot some animations I need to change or if my story is a bit slow…

I promise I will take every feedback positively and I will push myself to make it better. :smiley:

Thank you so so much!

Hi! I’d love to help you. But the link doesn’t allow me to view your story…

Hello Goji,
Thank you so much in advance!
Is it better if I give you the link on the account itself? unfortunately I cant publish it yet due to a pending background approval. :slight_smile: :sweat_smile:

Sorry, the link works fine, :sweat_smile:
I’ll start reading it now. :slight_smile:

Lovely, thank you very much! :slight_smile: :see_no_evil:

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Just finished reading chapter 1.
I think it’s better to add transitions before you move to the next scene/background.
Customise part, I suggest that you zoom the camera to Ayah instead of having her to be in center suddenly.
In every dialogue, it would be better to add a different animation to the listening character.
After customising Xander, he oddly walks to a different spot… can you fix that?
I’m not very good with grammar, but I noticed that you have many words that lack apostrophes…
You can add more zoom in as well.
The party/bar scene, there are no extra characters in zone 1, maybe just cut to zone 2 or 3 right away?

I hope that you will find this is helpful. :slight_smile:

Wow, this is awesome. thank you so much!
I will take note and create changes ASAP. :smiley:
I hope the next chapters are a bit better since thats when I started learning more on advance directing. :slight_smile: :flushed:

I’ll send you a private message. :slight_smile:

That’s really nice of you. Thank you Goji! :hugs:

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