HELP: Dialogue, effects & directing

Hey, I have some questions, only 3 for now though

I am pretty new to directing and everything and very bad so would love some help.

I have a story idea I wanna do but I have difficulty finding out how to break the news from a nurse to the girl who got her loved one in an accident and explain to her that her boyfriend is in a coma. I’ve been stuck a lot on that every time haha. I’ll show you how bad the dialogue is.

JESSICA (talk_confused_mindblown)
Thank god, someone finally came.

@NURSE G is idle_awkward_uneasy_loop

    JESSICA (talk_afraid)
How is he?!

    NURSE G (talk_awkward_loop)
He is stable and everything is normal.. But I'm sorry...

@NURSE G is idle_awkward_uneasy_loop AND JESSICA is cry_sob_sad_loop

    NURSE G (talk_awkward_loop)
Don't misunderstand, he is alive, but he is in a coma...

    JESSICA (talk_repulsed)
What...?

    NURSE G
He is alive, but he is not responsive. His heart beats but his brain is in sleep mode.

    JESSICA (talk_deny_neutral)
But, wait. He was opening his eyes when we where in the ambulance!

    JESSICA (talk_argue_defensive)
He |bold|HELD|reset| my hand back on the way here!

    NURSE G
Yeah, he was conscious but,-

    JESSICA (talk_complain_angry)
I REFUSE TO HEAR THIS, LET ME TALK TO A DOCTOR!

    NURSE G (talk_awkward_loop)
Yes, I will go and fetch a doctor for you. I am sorry...

@NURSE G is idle_awkward_uneasy_loop AND JESSICA is cry_sob_sad_loop

I can’t word it correct so it comes out weird like that :joy::sweat_smile:

Info - They were on their way to the airport, but got into a car accident. Her boyfriend ended up in a coma, sadly. As you see, my wording is horrible and I have no idea how to make it better. Would love some help to make the dialogue better!

Also. I wondered if I could have two effects on at the same time?
I want smoke effect together with rain or snow, does that work at the same time or not? I tried adding both but it didn’t work so hope somebody could help me if it does work.

AND
Also, if you have a person in zone 1, you have zoomed in on a person in zone 2, how can you smoothly go back to the person in zone 1 and focus on them instead without the camera doing a weird twirl at the end when going to zone 1 at the first person?

Wym by weird twirl at the end?

It does a twirly thing at the end I don’t like and wonder how to change it, as I would have liked for it to zoom out maybe and then pan to her, thinking something like that.

INT. HOSPITAL HALL - DAY
@SAM THE NURSE spot 0.905 94 231 in zone 2 AND SAM THE NURSE faces right
@DOCTOR spot 0.955 239 223 in zone 2
@zoom reset
@JESSICA spot 0.890 156 145
@JESSICA starts cry_sniff_sad_loop
&zoom on 143 260 to 231% in 0

@NURSE G spot 0.890 50 145 AND NURSE G faces right
@zoom on 80 224 to 216% in 0
@NURSE G walks to spot 0.890 88 145 in 2

    NURSE G (talk_awkward_loop)
I will go and fetch a doctor for you. I am sorry...

@NURSE G is idle_awkward_uneasy_loop AND JESSICA is cry_sob_sad_loop

@NURSE G walks to spot 0.890 268 145 in 2 AND NURSE G does it while walk_worried_loop
@NURSE G walks to spot 0.890 148 220 in zone 2 in 5 AND NURSE G does it while walk_worried_loop
@cut to zone 2
@zoom on 502 447 to 147% in 0

@NURSE G is idle

    DOCTOR (talk_neutral)
It was Dr. Meller who did the surgery right?

    NURSE G (talk_armraised_sad)
Yeah...

    DOCTOR (talk_explain_neutral)
I will call for Dr. Meller and have him have a talk with her.

    DOCTOR (talk_armscrossed_shrug_neutral)
Then he will talk it over with her and the parents, when they arrive.

@NURSE G faces left AND SAM THE NURSE faces left
@pan to zone 1
&zoom on 143 260 to 231% in 2
@transition fade out black in 10

Hope you understand what I mean :sweat_smile:

Okay I’ll check it out

INT. HOSPITAL HALL - DAY

@SAM THE NURSE spot 0.905 94 231 in zone 2 AND SAM THE NURSE faces right

@DOCTOR spot 0.955 239 223 in zone 2

@zoom reset

@JESSICA spot 0.890 156 145

@JESSICA starts cry_sniff_sad_loop

&zoom on 143 260 to 231% in 0

@NURSE G spot 0.890 50 145 AND NURSE G faces right

@zoom on 80 224 to 216% in 0

@NURSE G walks to spot 0.890 88 145 in 2

    NURSE G (talk_awkward_loop)
I will go and fetch a doctor for you. I am sorry...

@NURSE G is idle_awkward_uneasy_loop AND JESSICA is cry_sob_sad_loop

@NURSE G walks to spot 0.890 268 145 in 2 AND NURSE G does it while walk_worried_loop

@NURSE G walks to spot 0.890 148 220 in zone 2 in 5 AND NURSE G does it while walk_worried_loop

@cut to zone 2

@zoom on 502 447 to 147% in 0

@NURSE G is idle

    DOCTOR (talk_neutral)
It was Dr. Meller who did the surgery right?

    NURSE G (talk_armraised_sad)
Yeah...

    DOCTOR (talk_explain_neutral)
I will call for Dr. Meller and have him have a talk with her.

    DOCTOR (talk_armscrossed_shrug_neutral)
Then he will talk it over with her and the parents, when they arrive.

@NURSE G faces left AND SAM THE NURSE faces left

&zoom on 143 260 to 231% in 2

@pan to zone 1

@transition fade out black in 10

I moved the zoom to go before the pan, instead of after.

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Thank you! :joy:
I feel ridiculous, haha, but thanks so much :heart:

It’s fine :grin:

About your 2 effects problem, I have a solution for you. The smoke effect is actually an overlay called EFFECT SMOKE, and the rain is an weather effect, so they can be in the scene simultaneously. Make sure the overlay is first written then the weather effect
For example:
INT. BACKGROUND NAME - DAY with EFFECT SMOKE with effect HARD RAIN
(Insert scene here)

TIP: (if you want the rain to appear in the middle of a scene, you can also do this):
INT. BACKGROUND NAME - DAY with EFFECT SMOKE
(first half of scene here)
INT. BACKGROUND NAME - DAY with EFFECT SMOKE with effect HARD RAIN
(continue scene here)

That way, it creates the illusion that the rain appeared in the middle of the scene, of course you have to copy and paste the character spots (if you have any and overlays shifts and scales from the first half of the scene)

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Thank you! I think I tried that, but it just wouldn’t do it because of me typing it in different order or different nonetheless. :smiley: :joy:
Episode and their directing, haha so confusing and annoying at times!

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