Help me come up with this please!

In the beginning of my story, I’m starting out with little splashes of flashbacks with the narrator talking over them. The narrator is kinda ominously foreshadowing some the other things that are going to happen in the story. I want it to be really impactful and dramatic, and although I’ve come up with something, I don’t really think it gives off the vibes I’m going for

This is what I have:

We like to believe that we are immortal,

Sure, bad things happen all the time, but never to us

However, like the saying goes:

Some things are made to be broken

Basically, the intro hints at the two main characters’s conflicts in the story without really stating it.

If you need any other info, pls let me know, and thank you!!


I believe this intro does show its intention and to make it more suspenseful or meaningful, before the saying maybe add a pause and to the saying itself give it text effects.

1 Like

Okay, good idea! Thanks

1 Like

I kind of get bored during these things, but yeah go for it


Lol, I get you :joy:


Mmm I totally get that, I’m trying to find a way to NOT bore the readers lol. I don’t want to take it out all together because I want something to set the stage for the story, and not just jump right in. Would it still be boring to you if it was short (like less than 10 seconds) with only 4 or less short sentences with something intriguing happening in the background?

1 Like

I mean it’s not bad, but I prefer to just get into the story, but I of course get that you would like to set the stage. But for me I won’t click out if there’s a black background, but when the author is already using zooms and pans, then I’m out

1 Like

Oh yeah, definitely, I can’t stand the ones where you’re stuck in a slow dramatic 15 count zoom with no way out… maybe I’ll make it optional!

1 Like

What about something like:

We all wish we had more time. Some wish for forever.

But what is the price of immortality? Life is unpredictable— pray you live to see more light than dark.

Because darkness can break you.

Is this more impactful for you?

1 Like

Oh goodness, you’re a poet! That’s really beautiful!!

Thank you for the lovely compliment! :two_hearts:

1 Like

This topic was automatically closed 30 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.