Help on dramatic scenes?


#1

I’m not going to announce the name of my story yet, as I don’t want people to steal it, but I’m going to post a short excerpt from it.
This is a dramatic scene, and if you are wondering, Quinn’s brother Ken threw a party at their house while their parents were away, and Quinn’s friend, Kylie showed up there without telling the MC. Anyway, here we go…
I feel as if this is not dramatic enough…

INT. ROUGE KITCHEN - DAY
&zoom reset
@QUINN spot 0.968 -44 126 AND KYLIE spot 0.971 -45 126
@QUINN walks to spot 0.968 44 126 AND KYLIE walks to spot 0.971 118 126 AND BGMAN4 spot 0.500 302 320 AND BGMAN4 is dance_slow_rear AND BGMAN4 faces left AND BGWOMAN1 spot 0.443 302 340 AND BGWOMAN1 is talk_dance_slow AND BGWOMAN1 moves to layer -4 AND BGWOMAN1 faces left AND FBG2 spot 0.434 294 438 in zone 1 at layer -5 AND FBG2 is dance_drop_it
@KYLIE faces left AND QUINN is arms_crossed_angry AND KYLIE is idle_awkward AND FBG2 is dance_hands_up_loop
@pause for 3
music music_backandforth
volume music 50 300000
&zoom on 0 294 to 185% in 3
QUINN (talk_arms_crossed_angry)
What are you doing here?
QUINN (talk_confused_mind_blown)
At Ken’s party that I didn’t know about?!
KYLIE (talk_unsure)
Partying?
@QUINN is eyeroll_subtle AND KYLIE is idle_awkward
@pause for a beat
KYLIE (talk_exhausted)
Oh, cut me some slack.
KYLIE (talk_unsure)
Quinn, you know how I feel about your brother.
KYLIE (talk_happy_ringbox)
When he invited me to his party, I almost couldn’t say no!
&KYLIE is blush
QUINN (talk_arms_crossed_angry)
What I don’t understand if the fact that you didn’t tell me-
QUINN (talk_startled)
Wait- How long did you know about this?!
KYLIE (talk_awkward)
Only a week…
QUINN (talk_confused_mind_blown)
A week?!
QUINN (talk_angry)
You knew that this was Ken’s doing, and you didn’t even warn me first?!
&QUINN is arms_crossed_angry
KYLIE (talk_awkward)
Ken told me not to tell you.
QUINN (talk_angry)
Let me guess, you didn’t tell Cadence or Karina about this either, now did you?
QUINN (talk_arms_crossed_angry)
Because at least they’re honest with me.
&QUINN is idle_sad
&KEN spot 0.965 566 142
KYLIE (talk_unsure)
Quinn…
@KEN enters from right to spot 0.965 166 142 AND KEN moves to layer 2 AND KYLIE moves to layer 3 AND QUINN moves to layer 5
&zoom on 137 361 to 249% in 0
KEN (talk_happy_smile)
Hey, Kylie, love…
KEN (talk_neutral)
Can you do something for me?
KYLIE (flirt_shy)
Yeah Ken, sure…
KEN (talk_doubtful)
Mind taking care of your little friend over here?
KEN (talk_arms_crossed_angry)
Guest are starting to leave!
KYLIE (talk_sheepish)
Oh, totally.
KEN (hug)
Thanks Babe!
@KEN exits right
&KYLIE is blush
&zoom on 0 294 to 185% in 2
QUINN (talk_exhausted)
What was that?
&speechbubble is 163 275 to 100% with tail_top_right
KYLIE (flirt_coy)
Ken called me ‘‘Babe’’…
&speechbubble reset
QUINN (talk_exhausted)
Come on Kylie, you can’t be serious.
&speechbubble is 163 275 to 100% with tail_top_right
KYLIE (talk_arms_crossed)
I’m sorry Q, but I kinda agree with Ken.
KYLIE (talk_shrug)
Why not loosen up a little and have some fun?
&speechbubble reset
QUINN (talk_arms_crossed_angry)
I’m all about having fun-
&QUINN is eyeroll_subtle
&speechbubble is 163 275 to 100% with tail_top_right
KYLIE (eyeroll)
Sure have a funny way of showing it.
&speechbubble reset
QUINN (talk_contend)
-but disobeying my parents…
QUINN (talk_arms_crossed_angry)
That’s not cool.
KYLIE (talk_shrug)
Then how about you just leave this party if you’re so scared.
QUINN (talk_exhausted)
Kylie…
&speechbubble is 163 275 to 100% with tail_top_right
KYLIE (talk_unsure)
I…
&KEN stands screen center in zone 2 AND KEN faces left
&zoom reset
KEN
Kylie!
&cut to zone 2
@KEN is wave_extreme
@pause for a beat
&cut to zone 1
&zoom on 0 294 to 185% in 0
&QUINN is think
&speechbubble is 163 275 to 100% with tail_top_right
KYLIE (talk_arms_crossed_angry)
I think the problem is that you just don’t want me to date your brother.
&speechbubble reset
QUINN (talk_neutral_deny)
Now that’s a lie.
QUINN (talk_shrug)
I don’t mind if you date my brother.
QUINN (talk_awkward)
It might be weird at first, but…
QUINN (talk_sheepish)
Look at Cade and Conn-
&QUINN is deepbreath
&speechbubble is 163 275 to 100% with tail_top_right
KYLIE (talk_arms_crossed_angry)
Forget them. We’re talking about me now.
KYLIE (talk_arms_crossed_angry)
Quinn, I think you’re just jealous of your brother’s attention.
&speechbubble reset
QUINN (talk_neutral_deny)
No, Ky, it’s not that-
&speechbubble is 163 275 to 100% with tail_top_right
KYLIE (talk_apathetic)
And you feel if we and him become a thing, that I’d become popular and you’d still be unknown at school.
KYLIE (primp)
With even more bullies…
&QUINN is talk_startled
KYLIE (talk_arms_crossed)
I get it, you’re jealous that I’m finding love, but your crush literally doesn’t know you exist.
KYLIE (laugh_chuckle)
And probably never will.
KYLIE (talk_shrug)
I bet he has a girlfriend already.
QUINN (talk_sad)
Ky-
&speechbubble is 163 275 to 100% with tail_top_right
KYLIE (talk_arms_crossed_angry)
So yeah, how about you do us a favor and go back to your little fantasy about Jason…
KYLIE (talk_arms_crossed)
And yes, I’m telling you to leave.
&KYLIE is arms_crossed
&speechbubble reset
QUINN (talk_angry_accuse)
I can’t believe you’re choosing my brother over me!
QUINN (talk_angry)
We’re supposed to support each other, Ky! I’ve always supported you!
QUINN (talk_angry)
But the one time a boy talks to you, you decide to ditch one of your best friends-
QUINN (talk_angry_defensive)
And basically keep this party a secret from us because…!
QUINN (talk_airquotes)
‘‘Ken told me not to tell you’’
QUINN (talk_sad)
I thought you were better than this.
&cut to zone 2
&speechbubble reset
&zoom reset
KEN (talk_doubtful)
Quinn, you’re wasting our time.
&zoom on 501 376 to 225% in 0
KEN (talk_doubtful)
Leave.
&cut to zone 1
&zoom on 0 294 to 185% in 0
@QUINN is idle_sad AND KYLIE is arms_crossed
@pause for a beat
&speechbubble reset
QUINN (talk_sad_clutch)
Kylie, I thought…
&speechbubble is 163 275 to 100% with tail_top_right
&QUINN is dismayed
KYLIE (talk_arms_crossed)
Cry me a river.
@QUINN is cry_sniff_loop AND KYLIE is idle_awkward
@pause for a beat
KYLIE (talk_awkward)
Quinn…


#2

Hi.
It’s a bit hard to get an estimate of the scene without actually seeing it, but the key to dramatic scenes are most often quick, short frames/scenes from different angles and lots of emotional animations, and if an argument striking dialouges.

<3


#3

Hey!! So I wanted to really see how it looked, so I copied and pasted it into a new story, and honestly I think it’s really good! I like the pacing and it all flows pretty well. I think the only real way you could make it more dramatic would be to maybe do more close-up zooms individually on Kylie and Quinn. One way to make a scene dramatic is to do fast zooms between the characters, and maybe you can increase the speed of the zooms as the tone gets angrier and it’s turning from a confrontation into an argument.
Overall I think it’s great! :slight_smile:


#4

Thank you so much!


#5

I’ll try that in the future. Thank you!


#6