Or more, that’s fine too. I’ve finally gotten to “finish” my first chapter, though I expect to revise it atleast ten more times, freak out over that one sentence because it sounds wrong, huff and puff annoyedly at that one transition because it makes little sense and… Yeah, every writer knows how it is. And that’s the thing, I’m a writer… not a coder! I’m threading on unknown waters with this whole schting. Anyways.
This is basically the info about the story. I know, I know, it’s a copy-paste from another thread. Look, work hard or work efficient? I say efficient.
So, what would I want your help for? I mean, I mainly want opinions on directing, flow, pace and length. Especially the last bit there. Length is such a finnicky thing. But if anything else sticks out, please do point it out.
Just don’t be too harsh, alright?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6060567279894528
Name: Fragile Heart (Undecided)
Genre: Drama, with some Fantasy on the side.
Synopsis/Idea: Roughly speaking, it’s a story that takes some inspiration from my own experiences. The story is about a girl with some mental issues that limits her from living an actual life, struggling to find something to truly connect with; life isn’t a journey, it’s just existence. Anything that she tries to do ends up being a failure, though not because she doesn’t have the abilities or talent to do it. It’s all a mental blockade. She has friends, she has family, there’s nothing truly missing in that aspect. No really bad things has happened; instead, she suffers from the sum of all small mishaps and mistakes. And she clings to her daydreams and fantasies like a mosquito, sustaining herself on the vivid world that does not exist. The story will focus on her path to recovery, and finding self-love in a otherwise cold world.
Directions: As said, I’m only on chapter one. I have the rough idea of what’s going to happen in mind, but I’m not entirely sure about all details yet. I’m not even sure if there should be an LI or not; there probably will be, for both straight and LGBTQ+. Though it will definitely be a slow burn if I go that route.
Choices?: As of now, I’m limiting that to clothing choices. I don’t know what choices I could add to improve the story in any way; though perhaps I’ll add in some mild ones like, I don’t know, where to eat or something. Who knows.
Why should you/anyone read it: No one should read anything, really. But, I think it’s a good way to spread awareness of perhaps the most common personality disorder there is, which I personally have as well. Why does that matter so much to me? It’s not a very known disorder, even if it’s very common (compared to the others). And, hopefully, perhaps it’ll help someone who has it as well to… perhaps not fix it, because that’s hard work, but to deal with it better than they currently do.
It won’t be the most happy-go-lucky story, but don’t worry. It’s not going to be heavy and depressing either; after all, it’s going to be about self-improvement and finding joy in the little things!
?! I can check your hardworkk for you, if you want me to do so, ofc 
. I’m also new here btw 
!! The experience you’re going to share through your story is going to help a lot of people understanding what the person having frequent mental blockades feels like 
!