Hey chr0nos or gin_ny or whatever you prefer to be called…
I’ve just started your story. Not going to read all 11, because we’ve got a lot of reviews to do but I’ll see how far I can get anyway
-
First thing would be to get rid of your author note about it being your first story. I know people do that as a disclaimer, but it’s almost like saying you doubt your work, and with seeing how many reads you have, I doubt you need to doubt your work. Because other than that I thought your intro was really strong.
-
I notice as Shane is walking through the halls, that all the BG characters are male, which was very clever, because it might not be something most people notice, but it shows you pay attention to detail. It was a good clue.
-
This is something that really bothers me, but seeing as your 11 episodes in, I totally understand if you don’t change it… Maddie is a default character. And everyone who’s tried their hand at writing a story in INK will know this. If you don’t want to change to much, maybe just give her a new outfit or change the nose and eye shape. It will make a big difference
-
This is also really trippy for me to read, because I did a story with the same concept, but it was a guy who got put into a girls’ dorm. (nothing to do with the review, just something I picked up on and had to share)
-
I like that you’re giving 3 options for each choice. Even though choices don’t exactly matter (yet) it’s still nice to compensate with more options. And there was a decent amount of choices too!
-
Episode 1 was short and I feel like I didn’t really get enough information as to where the plot is going. This could be a good or a bad thing. Good because people will think like me and read on to get more info before deciding if they will continue, but bad for people who think the length isn’t worth wasting a pass on. So keep that in mind
-
I notice you aren’t speaking your choices. Make sure Shane says the choice after the choice bubble
-
Episode 2 was also quite short and I checked your fanmail, and saw a lot of people have already told you this so I know you’re aware of it.
-
I’m at the end of episode 3 and I’m going to leave it there for now. I don’t have much to fault you on. There was no directing errors, spelling was fine and I obviously can’t fault the plot because I did a similar thing myself. I guess the major thing is episode length which is hard to change now that your story is complete, but just keep that in mind for your next story?