Honest reviews for stories

Heyo! I would love if you read my story!
Back to the Beanawitzels
Comedy
YOU and your boyfriend have recently got engaged however things may change when you meet his weird family…CUSTOMIZE CHARACTER


Thanks girl! You are the best!

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Hey chr0nos or gin_ny or whatever you prefer to be called…

I’ve just started your story. Not going to read all 11, because we’ve got a lot of reviews to do but I’ll see how far I can get anyway

  • First thing would be to get rid of your author note about it being your first story. I know people do that as a disclaimer, but it’s almost like saying you doubt your work, and with seeing how many reads you have, I doubt you need to doubt your work. Because other than that I thought your intro was really strong.

  • I notice as Shane is walking through the halls, that all the BG characters are male, which was very clever, because it might not be something most people notice, but it shows you pay attention to detail. It was a good clue.

  • This is something that really bothers me, but seeing as your 11 episodes in, I totally understand if you don’t change it… Maddie is a default character. And everyone who’s tried their hand at writing a story in INK will know this. If you don’t want to change to much, maybe just give her a new outfit or change the nose and eye shape. It will make a big difference

  • This is also really trippy for me to read, because I did a story with the same concept, but it was a guy who got put into a girls’ dorm. (nothing to do with the review, just something I picked up on and had to share)

  • I like that you’re giving 3 options for each choice. Even though choices don’t exactly matter (yet) it’s still nice to compensate with more options. And there was a decent amount of choices too!

  • Episode 1 was short and I feel like I didn’t really get enough information as to where the plot is going. This could be a good or a bad thing. Good because people will think like me and read on to get more info before deciding if they will continue, but bad for people who think the length isn’t worth wasting a pass on. So keep that in mind

  • I notice you aren’t speaking your choices. Make sure Shane says the choice after the choice bubble

  • Episode 2 was also quite short and I checked your fanmail, and saw a lot of people have already told you this so I know you’re aware of it.

  • I’m at the end of episode 3 and I’m going to leave it there for now. I don’t have much to fault you on. There was no directing errors, spelling was fine and I obviously can’t fault the plot because I did a similar thing myself. I guess the major thing is episode length which is hard to change now that your story is complete, but just keep that in mind for your next story?

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Hey Lou, before I start your review, I noticed you’ve change the title to include (DON’T READ, CURRENTLY REVAMPING) so do you want me to wait and review the revamp?

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Hi Annie,

I read your story today, here’s my thoughts:

  • I like that you start off with a uniform type of writing. Like your background and splashes have the gold dots and also the choice of text effects, sticking with the hot pink instead of doing all random ones looks really good. I hope this continues throughout

  • I don’t actually mind your authors note (which if you read my other reviews, I normally hate it), but I guess yours is ok, because you’re just informing to use sound and follow you on insta, so I’ll allow it :slightly_smiling_face:

  • Ohh, but the fact that your first episode is just CC is disappointing. If you do some digging on the forums, you’ll find a lot of people don’t like that. I know there’s a lot of coding involved so I can see why you’d end it there to avoid clutter, but I urge you to at least start off the story line in this episode! You want the readers to get a little idea of the story line. Keep in mind most people out there only get 3 or 4 every 3 or 4 hours so if you use that free chapter on CC and don’t give the reader anything else, a lot of them might give up on your story.

  • When Ellie is running to meet Ivy, there’s a tree overlay that Ellie runs behind, but her feet stick out just a fraction, so just fix that by either spotting Ellie smaller or putting the overlay behind her

  • Your directing is really good so far, you use zooms and transitions and it flows smoothly

  • Damn, I’m impressed with your spotting of the crowd outside the club/event… Though would suggest changing some characters clothes so that they don’t look like default characters and actually looked dressed for the occasion

  • I chose to flirt to try and get in the club and the actual flirtation made. She called him baldy HAHAHAHA

  • I noticed a little typo in the song. The ‘I’ in ‘I’m’ wasn’t capitalized

  • Just going to repeat this again… Your author note is actually ok. It’s non-annoying, you get to the point, you don’t do some weird animations. If people really must add in author notes, this is the way to do it!

  • I like how you switch up your angles when the boys approach the girls. That really worked well

  • When Nolan gets her a drink, he says something like something something “not to much”, and it should be too

  • I’m not a fan of choices that are like:

  1. witty response 1
  2. witty response 2
  3. witty response 3

And that’s a little how I felt the dance move choice was. That was a chance to add some comedy and give the dance moves bad names for the reader to pick from

  • When Ivy’s in the car, thinking about how awkward and silent it is, you’ve used a talking animations, so her lips move. Change that to a non-talking animation

  • So when they do it, my immediate thought, as with any story that has those scenes so early on, is “oh no, is she gonna get pregnant?” So I’m hoping this doesn’t turn into a pregnancy story…

  • Aw, I’m a little sad he leaves in the morning, but I guess that’s actually realistically what would happen so good job. You’ve made me root for the characters to be together, but also ~realism~

  • If a plot point is now going to be about the song they sang on the karaoke, I think you might want to go back and expand on it because I just thought it was a filler for a montage

  • When Ivy starts to run out to go to Ellie’s, I was thinking “dressed like that??” and then she freaks out coz she hasn’t changed and so she goes back, and I’m impressed that you are able to code in what I’m thinking. That’s a good connection to make with your readers

  • BGMAN2 is not the display name you want to show up when BGMAN2 is talking

  • Ooh! BGMAN2 and BODYGUARD were gay! That was a nice aha moment

  • Ivy when she’s sitting on the chair is spotted a little too big. Try and imagine were her feet would be if she was sitting on that chair in real life

  • I almost forgot about that comment with the girlfriend, but I’m guessing that has the potential to add a lot of drama to the plot

  • The panning between Ivy and Ellie/Nolan gets a little tedious. After the first two, I’d say just use @cut instead

  • Little disappointed that Ellie didn’t call him out for leaving in the morning, but then showing up to ask for a duet. And also she should have commented about his girlfriend. But you seem to know what you’re doing so I’m guessing she will call him out later and then I will be satisfied

  • Episode 5 now and I love that you add the hairbrush and lipstick props. It’s little details like that that make all the difference

  • The couch spotting again is a bit too big and I feel like I know who Simbellious is but I can’t remember what she wrote and it’s going to bug me until I finish the episode and look it up

  • When Ellie’s lying down, you’ll need to spot your speech bubble closer to her. It’s at the highest point on my phone (which is a pixel in case you’re wondering, so I think that would mean it goes off the screen on tablets? I’m not sure on the comparison there tbh)

  • I’m glad this Bella chick is finally giving her some real talk about the fact that he has a girlfriend and the situation is going to get messy. I lost faith in Ivy giving her the wake up call coz Ivy just wanted her to do the duet and didn’t care about the actual situation.

  • Mr. Dalloway needs a space between Mr and Dalloway

  • Question: when I chose to keep working at the firm, I noticed Ellie’s narration bubble had “keep my job” in really small writing. Is that a text effect? I haven’t seen that in stories before

Anyway, that brings me up to date. I quite liked it and will continue. I think if you take anything I’ve said on board, it should be to look at the first episode being CC and then also enhancing the BG characters to look like they fit in. That last one might seem small but will have a positive impact :relaxed:

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Hi! Thank you so much for reviewing :slight_smile:

Title: Revival
Genre: Drama
Description:
The story is about Lillian Hayes, who is a professional criminal in a futuristic society. Lillian lives at The Circle, a home for thieves and rebels who resist the new dictatorship government. Love, family drama, action and plot twists; find it all in Revival!

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4762507897602048

Hey Moni,
I’m just starting yours now and because it’s a Fantastical contest entry, I’m going to be wary of what suggestions (if any) I make are considered minor and therefore allowed to be changed. Also I hope my reads count towards your retention! It’s Monday where I am already so hopefully the contest reads count now.

Anyway…

  • Wow, this is off to a great start. Your covers are cute, your splashes are appropriate and I like how you fade them in and out
  • I like we start off with some zooms, it gives me an indication on what to expect.
  • When Ana wakes from her dream… the bed is there and there’s a pause and then she appears. You can change this as it counts as minor. Make sure you have &ANA stands spot XYZ so she doesn’t miss a beat
  • I feel like this isn’t your first story because this feels like an advanced level of coding. I mean, I didn’t attempt overlays until my 4th (!) story. Have you just been lurking in the shadows of the forums and learning how to do everything before you decide to publish your own? If so, smart girl!
  • Like, seriously, your cake overlay is perfectly matching the animations I AM JEALOUS THAT YOU CAN DO THIS SO EASILY
  • I was thinking that Ana doesn’t look like either of her parents and her comment thanking Jane makes me think I was right to spot that out
  • And omg! Your phone overlay! you really pay attention to details… Looks like my phone btw, is it based off a pixel?
  • I absolutely adore that you slipped CC in naturally instead of springing it on the reader
  • You have the mirror overlay and a twin reflection thing and I’m dying because your directing/coding is insane. I feel under qualified to review this and please just tell me do you have some kind of bad first story you’ve made hidden on your profile that you used for all your beginner directing or are you naturally this good?
  • Back to the actual story line… I like you’ve put Ana’s fear of how her sister will feel. I’m not adopted so I obviously can’t relate to that, but I do have a little sister and I think you’ve got that relationship spot on
  • Ooh you changed the lip color names. I love that you went to that effort. I myself am way too lazy but I appreciate when other people do it
  • And you flip the cafe area to suit who’s talking! I love it!
  • I love that you used a filter for the flashback and I love that you have so many family photos in the background… Although… I personally didn’t change too much with CC, but if others did I guess the photos won’t match…?
  • I think the parents’ original plan to tell her on her birthday was just as bad as her finding out the day before. Like how did they think that conversation would work out? I know this has nothing to do with anything, but like Ana would still be just as upset and she’d use the whole “they told me on my birthday” thing against them too. But that’s totally irrelevant
  • I know I keep praising your attention to detail, but like that door! The way you’ve made it really seem like she is a really teenager is great
  • Ooh, a little typo when dad is talking to Ana through the door he says “I’ll help you were I can” and it should be where. Fixing this won’t change the contest
  • Question: behind Ana at dinner, one of the pictures is a blonde woman, kissing a guy with long hair and a kid in front of them and I’m wondering is this some kind of clue or is it just an auntie and uncle or something?
  • The bedroom background is now grey and I’m wondering if it’s because the random lady that just showed up is magical and that’s what she does or something?Update: I was right and I feel pretty clever for noticing this
  • Ok, so I’m at the end of episode 1 (great length btw! IDK how you made that so long when the contests always have short deadlines), and what can I say? I actually really loved it and tbh I didn’t think I would because I guess fantasy isn’t really my first choice of genre and I also had no idea what a caprice was LOL. But I’m actually going to stop reading there because I’m in Australian time so we’re ahead of everyone else, so I’m worried retention hasn’t started calculating and I obviously would want my reads to count for you. The only other note I will make, which will affect the contest so you can’t add it in now, but I didn’t notice too many choices, aside from changing Ana’s look. Considering the length of your first episode, you might want to go back after the contest and see if you can find space for choices, even if it’s just what Ana responds to someone. I understand though to set up this kind of story, it has to go a certain way, so I hope there are more choices in the next episodes. But in saying this, your directing and overlays were distraction enough that I only realized the lack of choices as an after thought, so don’t stress about the fact that you can’t add them in now.
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Story name: Him and I

Author name: Jaleesa Moncur

Episode account name: J Mo

Link: I love HIM and I (LIMELIGHT)! Check it out! http://bit.ly/EpisodeHere #episode

Description: An underage girl is mourning the death of her mother until she meets her Prince Charming but, their love is forbidden. Will she follow her morals or follow her heart? You decide!

Notes: Can you please review my story? I’m new to coding and I literally taught my self in a week. I would love it if you could review it and be as harsh as you want, I love honest feedback because it’ll helps me to improve my story. I’m more focused on the quality of my episodes rather than the quantity. Thanking you in advance.

Cover photo:

@episode.grace @Mulasia @JMO @NatashaRomanoff @XxAlphaBetaxX
@MrBitPlayer your requests are accepted though it will take sometime but we will try to get back to you as soon as possible. And once again thanks to @amberose you are really a big help.

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Thank you soo much!

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It is my pleasure. I love to help. In fact I am not doing much right now almost all the reviews are by @amberose. Thanks for requesting anyways.

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Bahahaha lol

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Oh come on I am so busy doing instagram reviews that I have done only one on forums eve since I got back. Despite me being stacked you agreed to help. That’s more than enough

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Oh my god! Thank you, thank you so much for your lovely words :heart_eyes:

There is a first story hidden yes hahah but I am writing on Nature’s caprices I think for 6 months now - every time finding out something new, everytime getting better so I guess I was lurking a little bit as well lol
I was never sure if I should publish it but then there was the contest and I said to myself “Now or never” :sweat_smile:
The phone is based on the Episode overlays - I did the rest with photoshop
Yeah I didn’t want to just put the CC on the beginning and then continue with the story, I wanted something smooth :hugs:
What can I say, I’m a sucker for lovely little details :nerd_face: it makes so much fun to create them and even more when someone notices them
No the photos won’t match anymore - I was thinking of using many Ana copies and a wall overlay and and and but then decided not to
There was a reason why her father wanted her to know on her birthday (spoler alert :face_with_hand_over_mouth:)
Thanks for pointing out the typo!
No it actually should be her dad and her mom when they were younger - but I like your way of thinking, keep it like that and I’m sure you will figure everything out pretty fast! Because there will be a lot of mysteries and even more hints haha
I’m so gald to hear that! Making you like my story even if your not a sucker for fantasy is an honor really.
The lack of choices was on purpose because I want them to matter. The real adventure starts in episode 2 and that’s when the choices start as well :grin:

Anyway, thank you so much for reviewing my story! It means a lot to me, mostly because I never thought people would like it. I did the writing for me, to get away from my daily stress lol

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Hey random,

So I’ll be honest, heading in to this I saw the word gang and that’s not really my style but who knows? Maybe it will start to be.

I like the splashes you use at the beginning. And the chapter overlays. Super cool

I like the purple hair and eyes

I like the way you introduced the characters too, but the ones at the back were covered a bit too much by the ones at the front

In the cafe, you might want to spot direct a few speech bubbles so they look like they’re coming from the right person

I think I need to find out a bit more background for these characters. Because right now I’m sitting here like how the heck do these kids have $120000 to spend on a car. Like what is it that they do that gets them this kind of money? Wait, are they kids? I’m guessing they’re between 18-22 years of age?

Ok, the flashback was pretty intense. So I’m glad you put the warning splash.

I found a plot hole: in the flashback Honey says she’s raped, but in the present day she says she’s a virgin… Maybe you could take second to explain that she doesn’t count it unless she’s in love or something?

And I think another piece of background information I need is to find out how they all came together. Because they seem to be learning a lot about each other’s past, and I guess I assumed they would already know since they’re like family

I’m seeing a few little moments of comedy which is helpful for someone like me who isn’t real into the whole gang thing

Your spot directing is great. I haven’t seen any errors with that or zooming either

The custom backgrounds were a nice touch, as was the hands overlay when honey attacks the guard.

It’s also a nice to see that you change the hair to suit the activity. I hate seeing girls running around with diva curls, because irl that hair would be getting stuck in your eyes and mouth

I’d suggest changing the guards display name. It’s a minor thing, but it looks so much better if your readers can’t tell you named them all guard1 guard2 guard3, etc.

The spotting in the car is a little off. Make Elie bigger.

I’ve also noticed you Elie shorter than the others and that really sticks out to me because it means you’ve thought about every scene. I spot direct all my limelight stories because the males are naturally shorted than the females, so I know how time consuming that is

When the girls meet Colton, I can’t help but think they could totally take him. It’s two against two and none of them are holding guns. That could have been an opportunity to catch them off guard. Or you as the author could write that in as a choice? Give them a choice to try and fight Colton or give up because they’ve already been captured

As this scene goes on I am still confused as to why these two don’t escape…? And then why is the other gang so nice to them? Aren’t they rival gangs? I think you need to add a little more resistance there from the girls and some kind of way to make it look the girls are actually trapped in this place. Orrrrr maybe some internal thoughts of the girls thinking if they act keen and excited it will help them gain enough trust to escape

Iris isn’t actually behind the counter at the shop. A layering issue there

At least after the little fight, Colten comes in with some real talk and points out Elie could have escaped. This makes me happy.

I like the way you’re doing the flashbacks with the red fade outs… Even though the flashbacks are confusing me ATM, I’m sure it will all make sense in time. I’m guessing it has to do with what you said in the story description about her seeing the love of her life die

Ok, so in my honest opinion. I think episode 2 needs to change the order of events. Join or die needs to happen before they go out shopping, because letting your captive go out shopping for lipstick with your sister before you’ve insured she’s going your gang is a dumb move Colten’s part, and he seems a lot smarter than that lol

Anyway, I feel terrible because it’s really just not my kind of story. But there is a huge following for gang stories on the app, so I wouldn’t worry about me not being a part of your audience because there is literally thousands of people who will love this. In terms of coding, directing and spelling… There’s no problems there. Gang stories are the type of story people either really love or really hate so please don’t take my review too much to heart. As long as you’re writing something you are genuinely interested in, I’m sure the end result will be something you are proud of xx

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I KNEW THERE HAD TO BE A HIDDEN STORY!

Hahaha, but so smart of you to restrain from posting a story you’ve been working on for so long. And lucky you that it suits the contest theme!

I’m glad you’re writing it for you, but him that is going to change once you get the fanmail asking for more updates hahaha jk :heartbeat:

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Hey Besea,

So I notice this is your first story and I see you’ve made it on mobile.

The first episode was pretty short, but I think there’s a lot more you can add in to make it longer. You can do a case of show, don’t tell to explain the parents background. You also can do a bit more with Maddison getting found by her father’s old friends.

I like the concept. It’s quite interesting.

I did like the flashes at the end, but consider a warning that there are some bright flashes because they did give me a bit of a fright lol.

I like the way your using transitions to show the powers and also how you did that quick costume change

Be wary with song lyrics. My understanding is you’re only allowed a max of 4 lines per episode from a real song.

I would recommend changing your small cover to have something with the story title on it and/or the MCs.

And my final suggestion would be that maybe you would suit working with a writing partner? You can ask someone on the forums who is good at coding to help you out. I just think that mobile creator doesn’t do this story justice, and it could be helpful to have someone who knows coding to show you the ropes :blush:

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Ok thank you, and I did start writing the second episode on a computer with coding💖

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Hey are you not using your instagram right now ? I sent you a message 2 days ago and you haven’t checked it yet.

Ah ok, I actually had a feeling you might have switched halfway through because I noticed a few things that aren’t possible on mobile

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Yeah its been weird and I’m going to delete and reinstall so I can code tonight.

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