Ok thank you, and I did start writing the second episode on a computer with codingš
Hey are you not using your instagram right now ? I sent you a message 2 days ago and you havenāt checked it yet.
Ah ok, I actually had a feeling you might have switched halfway through because I noticed a few things that arenāt possible on mobile
Yeah its been weird and Iām going to delete and reinstall so I can code tonight.
Ohh. Itās fine.I am not in a rush for anything.
Hi Lisa,
So I actually read your first episode (and even left fanmail ) before I started helping Sasha. So review is going mostly from episode 2, because I canāt remember if I saw any errors in episode 1.
Let me start by saying I thought this was going to be a lot different. Idk if it was the cover or description, but I thought it was going to be like a boy meets girl. So I was pleasantly surprised that it wasnāt.
Your style of writing really reminds me of a combination of Lost in Hope and Whatās on Sunday, and thatās like a really huge compliment because both were featured on shelves and I could totally see your story being on a shelf.
Thereās a few faults. Theyāre kinda minor, but since I see you at feature shelf level, Iām going to be anal and point them out.
When Stephen answers the door for Austin and co. thereās a small layering issue.
When I choose Stephenās outfit, my choice options contain a question mark and a full stop. Eg. āwear this?.ā
I noticed a few lines where you forgot a full stop. Doesnāt really bother me much, but if youāre going to do it for one line, youāve got to do it for all because consistency
There was one line Stephen says, it starts with jeez. But itās spelled with a lower case J. But before you fix it I want to know how you got it to save your script like that, because a sentence starting with a lower case always shows up as an error for me. So I saw that and instead of being a grammar nazi and wanting you to fix it, I was like wow sheās a wizard!
I really like how youāve portrayed the kids! Very well thought out.
And from episode 1, the scene with the blueprint also really stood out to me.
Well actually, all your overlays have stood out to me so far.
The blanket overlay on Grace and Austin during the phone call shows up a fraction of a second late. Make sure all your commands are ā&ā commands.
I havenāt mentioned this yet, but I noticed it when I first started your story. The mature themes warning, where you say this episode will contain stupid jokes? Hahaha. Very cute and made me laugh
The she will say yes overlay I think I saw for half a second when the scene first open. At least I saw a flash of red, so I am guessing thatās the overlay. I think thatās again a case of using the ā&ā command. Although I donāt think most people would see this anyway. It was only a brief second.
Another thing I would suggest is the BG characters in the ring shop are the default characters. It takes like 5 seconds to change a hairstyle or a nose feature or a tee shirt and it makes a big difference. Iāve noticed a few episode official stories using the default background characters and I know youāre better than them, so donāt go stoop to their laziness!
Wait, did I just see the lowercase thing again with a hehehehe?? How are you doing that?!
Woah, that directing with the eyes at the end of episode 3 looked so cool.
More thoughts I have and will share:
I really hope my own boyfriend goes to the same effort to propose to me as Stephenās doing.
I also found the comedy really well done, and honestly would suggest you enter it in the epy awards or something!!
The plot is something Iāve never seen on episode before and I hope it doesnāt end with the proposal. Iād love to see this shift into a sitcom type of story and continue watching their relationship grow.
Actually, the plot really reminds me of two characters from the loading screen. The chick thatās pointing at her finger and then the obvious uncomfortable boyfriend behind her. I wouldnāt be surprised if you told me that was part of your inspiration.
There. I think Iāve covered everything I wanted to say
thank you very much!
Omg thank you so so much ! It means so much to me that you think my story is shelf material and that you compared my story to Whatās On Sunday And Lost In Hope, as I love those two stories.
Oh, and for the lowercase thing. When you write a line of dialogue as a thought bubble it doesnāt come up as an error if itās lowercase , so I always miss them Hahaa
I will definitely go back and fix all the things you pointed out, and thank you again for the review. Your words really mean a lot to me!
Wow. I am so going to test the lower case thing now hahaha! But yeah, great work I actually thought there was only three chapters so I posted your review and then I noticed there was 5, so Iāll definitely go back and read the rest
Title: My Strength
Genre: Drama
Description: Life has never been simple for Eden. There is only one person in the world who can keep her happy. What happens when someone new enters her life. Will that number multiply?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6657777479319552
Thank you so much! X
Ahh Thank you so much!
Yes please. Iāll just notify you if Iām done revamping.
Hey,
Hereās my review/thoughts on your story:
- First off, unless youāre really attached to the contest name as part of your title, I would suggest changing it. When I first started reading on Episode, I thought all contest entries were part of a series, so I didnāt read them because of that. Iām not sure how many others think like me, so that could be a dumb reason to change it, but I also know people avoid contest entries, once the contest is over because a lot of people who donāt win never end up finishing their story. So to avoid that negative connotation, consider getting rid of the ācupidās arrowā.
- Another thing I would change is the authorās note. I guess Iām bias, because I hate them. But I just feel it ruins the illusion of the story
- I really like your small cover!
- I love how this starts off; a slap to a face by some rando and then the MCās internal thoughts. Would much rather you start with that than an author note
- Iād tell you to change the BG characterās outfits and maybe some features so they donāt look like the default characters
- I love your backgrounds. Having custom ones is a nice touch
- I like what youāve done for the cheerleader uniforms
- When MC introduces her friends, seeing as one of them is more of a frenemie, I think you need to introduce her that way. Instead of saying āIām friends with her but not as closeā
- Also, when frenemie is discovered to be lesbian, and the girls are saying āwhat do we do?ā I thought that was kind of a weird question, because I took that as they were homophobic. Until they started saying āsheāll tell us when sheās readyā, and then I realized I had just misunderstood, so maybe a little more clarification would be helpful to blondes like me?
- Woah, unlocking the flashback was like a whole experience. It looked awesome and the splash was cool too. Although, side noteā¦ frenemie bish went from 0 to 100 real quick.
- I donāt understand exactly why frenemie wants to get revenge, maybe that could be explained more?
- I actually completely forgot this was a cupid story until I saw cupid above the door and then I realized while all your splashes were covered in hearts. I just forgot this was a love story basically lol
- The classroom scene spot directing is a little off. Some characters look too big and some look to small. Try and use the desks for reference
- Mrs Alligators lips look a tad bit ashy
- First episode was a good length, although I didnāt get enough information to be able to tell where this is heading. Maybe this is actually a good tactic to get readers to continue though, because thatās what Iām doing
- The same spotting issue is there outside the school in episode 2, might want to revise that scene
- I think for the flashback MC needs to change her clothes so to show it was at last yearsā dance.
- I was waiting for MC to realize she could just take off her shoes. LOL! But why does she go to all the length to take off her pants too? Maybe her pants also got stuck, in which case you need to actually say that so readers know
- This is more of a character development thing, but I feel like Felix went from being a weirdo that was eager to start school to like some flirty pervā¦ Was this because he was pretended to be good in front of the teacher?
- oh, ignore my other comment because you explained the clothes thing to the headmaster.
- Once Felix gets to class, I feel like it gets a bit fast paced. Everyone already knows heās the new kid without any introduction and people already accuse him of being in love with MC even though no one has seen them talk
- Now Felix has really turned into a stage 5 linger, and Iām guessing it has something to do with cupid. Did I miss this part or did cupid shooting his arrow happen off screen and Iām going to find out later?
- Iām really testing my memory now, but I believe at the beginning you said the first 3 chapters were like setting up the plot and then the rest was where all the drama happens (sorry if Iām pulling that from another story, Iāve just read so many doing these reviews), anyway, I feel like a lot of what happened in episode 1 & 2 was not necessary to the plot. If you want to talk about this further, I can point out a few things that you could probably do without.
- And I think this was a typo. After boyfriend drinks the potion, narrator says Felix and Josh look at each other. Was Josh the name of boyfriend in your script?
- I really liked the ending of episode 3 though. Itās a great storyline you have, but I feel like itās only just now starting.
- When we come out of the flashback, MC isnāt wearing the right outfit, and I urge you to change your script so that MC does. I know you used a big wardrobe for the outfit choice, but maybe if youāre going to have her in the wrong outfit, donāt give the outfit choice for this particular day. Readers wonāt mind if they only sometimes get to choose the outfit
- Iād like to see more moments with the boyfriend because every girl seems to want him but I only saw him once before he drank the potion
- The bus overlay would need to be spotted a bit bigger to look more realistic in the scene
- Your use of overlays and filters has become really advanced. If I were to guess, Iād say that you must have had a bit of a break between writing episode 4 and 5 and learnt some new directing tricks in the mean time
- That scene in MCās room when frenemie shows up was pretty funny
- Iāve never been a big fan of art scenes, but I liked your one with cupid and the cauldron
- Just thought you should know that Ivy didnāt change clothes when the flashback ended from before
- And Ziya enters at the wrong layer
- When the girls head to the mall, youāre missing a zoom reset command
- When Holly is buying the dress, the zooms are a bit off again. Might be a mix up if you were using a tablet maybe?
So Iām going to leave it there (Iām up to 6 btw). Let me know if you have any questions about the feedback I gave
Thank you so much for enlightening all the errors. I will correct them before update a new chapter!
Thank you so much! I know some of my coding is a bit off because I use the web previewer for everything (I canāt log into my episode account on my phone lol). And the negative side to this is it shows me the layering wrong sometimes.
Yeah, I know some people just donāt read Cupidās Arrow stories but I kept mine in the title because it just goes with the theme of my story
Oh, and the MC decided to lay down (stupid ikr)
then she realised she could step out of her shoes which is then why her clothes were torn, I did add this in a narration, maybe you missed it
Omg web previewer struggles. I feel your pain because I do the same for majority of mine too!
I did notice her lying down in the narration, but I donāt remember their being a moment where she realises she got it on her pants. But you mention it again in the next scene so that covers all the people who missed it (aka me)
Hey there! Iād love to get an honest review!
Title: Fantastical: Regnum Fortes
Genre: Fantasy
Description: Youāre a set of twins which were suddenly zapped into a realm you never even knew about. What now?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6454069268447232
Where were the layering issues?
Classroom scene. Just a couple of things with the girl who was lying down at the back of the class. She ended up being in front of a few people who entered the scene afterwards
Hey Aylina,
Iāve just read your story, here are my thoughts:
I love your use of the text effects. You give them a purpose, instead of just using them for the sake of it.
Your directing is amazing. The spot directing in the second scene stood out to me the most, but also the school hallways. And I even noticed that in the classroom, youāve changed whatās outside each window so itās more realistic. Kudos
I really thought this was going to be a teacher/student romance story from the title, Iām glad itās not (at least so far anyway) and I like the male POV.
One thing that stuck out to me was Jace saying āIāve to peeā instead of I have to pee. I just couldnāt read it that way naturally in my head.
Also this is a kinda weird feedback for me to give, but all your characters are likeā¦ really good looking? Lol. I can tell you took time to create even just the background characters.
I love how youāre using little overlays, like the paper plane and key. Even the bushes, how they move as youāre zooming in on the girls
Also I love that you changed the girls hair to suit the activity. Iām also quite interested to see how tennis goes. Most episode sports are football, soccer, cheerleading or basketball and theyāre all obviously really hard to code, so Iām intrigued to see how tennis goes (or if you just do a time skip so itās less headache for you)
Ending of chapter 1 felt a bit strange to me. It wasnāt exactly a cliff hanger, but yet wasnāt a resolution. That being said, it was a good length.
Anyway I went to read your description again, since I now know itās not a teacher/student romance, and I guess Iām a little confused at what this is actually going to be a story about. Iām guessing the mask on the cover is a clue, but I donāt yet see how what Iāve read matches the story titleā¦ Iām guessing somewhere in the first three episodes, it will make sense, seeing as the first three are usually like āpilotā episodes so I always feel like theyāre tired together.
A minor thing, but even if Daisy calls it perfume, I think Alan should call it cologne. Boys get really defensive about that stuff
Tennis scene did not disappoint! Good on you for going to that effort
āand do something against your bladderā against should be about
Was the Alexa part a question you actually tested out yourself irl to see what she would say? Either way, I actually laughed at this
Nowās probably a good time to ask where the parents are? Or are you going down the traditional episode route of having chill parents who are always out of town?
Iāve noticed there arenāt too many choices, but I feel like thatās only because Iām still in the pilot episodes and so youāre still setting up the story. But just be wary of it because episode is literally about choosing your own story.
That was some nice tension there with the wii gameā¦ You didnāt have me fooled because I was on to you, but Iām sure others will fall for it
Now after that fall I feel like the story description is starting to click. I should have picked up on it with your zooms at the beginning of each episode on his eyes, but I guess I wasnāt paying attention to his eye color. I see the display name has disappeared. I still donāt fully know whatās going on but I cheated and looked at your fanmail for spoilers so I think Iām on the same page now,
Ok, so every time thereās a fall, he switches, right? So technically in the dressing room way back in episode 1, should he have switched? Same question for the jump scare from his computer that caused him to fallā¦
Aha, the name Mr Alan suddenly makes sense! Finally!
A have a couple of final questions nowā¦
- Does Alan have a whole secret bedroom attached to his room just for the Mr Alan guy?
- What exactly was the warning for at the beginning of episode 4? I didnāt really see anything out of the ordinary.
Anywho, I really enjoyed this despite not knowing what was going on half the time haha. I know my review probably sounds like I want you to put all the answers in episode 1, but now seeing the full picture I can appreciate the mystery youāve added to it.
Small issue I have is with the author note at the very begging, itās just a pet peeve of mine, but since youāre not doing it in every episode itās not that bad. But I will still always suggest scrapping author notes because it ruins the illusion.
I noticed you have put it in the drama genre, and I you could switch it to comedy because a) I found it very funny throughout and b) stories actually tend to rank better in comedy because thereās less. So unless youāre about to take this somewhere real dark, I think itās not an issue to change the genre just so your story is more visible on the app.