Hey,
Here’s my review/thoughts on your story:
- First off, unless you’re really attached to the contest name as part of your title, I would suggest changing it. When I first started reading on Episode, I thought all contest entries were part of a series, so I didn’t read them because of that. I’m not sure how many others think like me, so that could be a dumb reason to change it, but I also know people avoid contest entries, once the contest is over because a lot of people who don’t win never end up finishing their story. So to avoid that negative connotation, consider getting rid of the ‘cupid’s arrow’.
- Another thing I would change is the author’s note. I guess I’m bias, because I hate them. But I just feel it ruins the illusion of the story
- I really like your small cover!
- I love how this starts off; a slap to a face by some rando and then the MC’s internal thoughts. Would much rather you start with that than an author note
- I’d tell you to change the BG character’s outfits and maybe some features so they don’t look like the default characters
- I love your backgrounds. Having custom ones is a nice touch
- I like what you’ve done for the cheerleader uniforms
- When MC introduces her friends, seeing as one of them is more of a frenemie, I think you need to introduce her that way. Instead of saying “I’m friends with her but not as close”
- Also, when frenemie is discovered to be lesbian, and the girls are saying “what do we do?” I thought that was kind of a weird question, because I took that as they were homophobic. Until they started saying “she’ll tell us when she’s ready”, and then I realized I had just misunderstood, so maybe a little more clarification would be helpful to blondes like me?
- Woah, unlocking the flashback was like a whole experience. It looked awesome and the splash was cool too. Although, side note… frenemie bish went from 0 to 100 real quick.
- I don’t understand exactly why frenemie wants to get revenge, maybe that could be explained more?
- I actually completely forgot this was a cupid story until I saw cupid above the door and then I realized while all your splashes were covered in hearts. I just forgot this was a love story basically lol
- The classroom scene spot directing is a little off. Some characters look too big and some look to small. Try and use the desks for reference
- Mrs Alligators lips look a tad bit ashy
- First episode was a good length, although I didn’t get enough information to be able to tell where this is heading. Maybe this is actually a good tactic to get readers to continue though, because that’s what I’m doing
- The same spotting issue is there outside the school in episode 2, might want to revise that scene
- I think for the flashback MC needs to change her clothes so to show it was at last years’ dance.
- I was waiting for MC to realize she could just take off her shoes. LOL! But why does she go to all the length to take off her pants too? Maybe her pants also got stuck, in which case you need to actually say that so readers know
- This is more of a character development thing, but I feel like Felix went from being a weirdo that was eager to start school to like some flirty perv… Was this because he was pretended to be good in front of the teacher?
- oh, ignore my other comment because you explained the clothes thing to the headmaster.
- Once Felix gets to class, I feel like it gets a bit fast paced. Everyone already knows he’s the new kid without any introduction and people already accuse him of being in love with MC even though no one has seen them talk
- Now Felix has really turned into a stage 5 linger, and I’m guessing it has something to do with cupid. Did I miss this part or did cupid shooting his arrow happen off screen and I’m going to find out later?
- I’m really testing my memory now, but I believe at the beginning you said the first 3 chapters were like setting up the plot and then the rest was where all the drama happens (sorry if I’m pulling that from another story, I’ve just read so many doing these reviews), anyway, I feel like a lot of what happened in episode 1 & 2 was not necessary to the plot. If you want to talk about this further, I can point out a few things that you could probably do without.
- And I think this was a typo. After boyfriend drinks the potion, narrator says Felix and Josh look at each other. Was Josh the name of boyfriend in your script?
- I really liked the ending of episode 3 though. It’s a great storyline you have, but I feel like it’s only just now starting.
- When we come out of the flashback, MC isn’t wearing the right outfit, and I urge you to change your script so that MC does. I know you used a big wardrobe for the outfit choice, but maybe if you’re going to have her in the wrong outfit, don’t give the outfit choice for this particular day. Readers won’t mind if they only sometimes get to choose the outfit
- I’d like to see more moments with the boyfriend because every girl seems to want him but I only saw him once before he drank the potion
- The bus overlay would need to be spotted a bit bigger to look more realistic in the scene
- Your use of overlays and filters has become really advanced. If I were to guess, I’d say that you must have had a bit of a break between writing episode 4 and 5 and learnt some new directing tricks in the mean time
- That scene in MC’s room when frenemie shows up was pretty funny
- I’ve never been a big fan of art scenes, but I liked your one with cupid and the cauldron
- Just thought you should know that Ivy didn’t change clothes when the flashback ended from before
- And Ziya enters at the wrong layer
- When the girls head to the mall, you’re missing a zoom reset command
- When Holly is buying the dress, the zooms are a bit off again. Might be a mix up if you were using a tablet maybe?
So I’m going to leave it there (I’m up to 6 btw). Let me know if you have any questions about the feedback I gave