Honest reviews for stories

Thank you so much! I know some of my coding is a bit off because I use the web previewer for everything (I can’t log into my episode account on my phone lol). And the negative side to this is it shows me the layering wrong sometimes.

Yeah, I know some people just don’t read Cupid’s Arrow stories but I kept mine in the title because it just goes with the theme of my story :slightly_smiling_face:

Oh, and the MC decided to lay down (stupid ikr)
then she realised she could step out of her shoes which is then why her clothes were torn, I did add this in a narration, maybe you missed it :slight_smile:

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Omg web previewer struggles. I feel your pain because I do the same for majority of mine too!

I did notice her lying down in the narration, but I don’t remember their being a moment where she realises she got it on her pants. But you mention it again in the next scene so that covers all the people who missed it (aka me)

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Hey there! I’d love to get an honest review!

Title: Fantastical: Regnum Fortes
Genre: Fantasy
Description: You’re a set of twins which were suddenly zapped into a realm you never even knew about. What now?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6454069268447232

Where were the layering issues?

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Classroom scene. Just a couple of things with the girl who was lying down at the back of the class. She ended up being in front of a few people who entered the scene afterwards

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Hey Aylina,

I’ve just read your story, here are my thoughts:

I love your use of the text effects. You give them a purpose, instead of just using them for the sake of it.

Your directing is amazing. The spot directing in the second scene stood out to me the most, but also the school hallways. And I even noticed that in the classroom, you’ve changed what’s outside each window so it’s more realistic. Kudos

I really thought this was going to be a teacher/student romance story from the title, I’m glad it’s not (at least so far anyway) and I like the male POV.

One thing that stuck out to me was Jace saying “I’ve to pee” instead of I have to pee. I just couldn’t read it that way naturally in my head.

Also this is a kinda weird feedback for me to give, but all your characters are like… really good looking? Lol. I can tell you took time to create even just the background characters.

I love how you’re using little overlays, like the paper plane and key. Even the bushes, how they move as you’re zooming in on the girls

Also I love that you changed the girls hair to suit the activity. I’m also quite interested to see how tennis goes. Most episode sports are football, soccer, cheerleading or basketball and they’re all obviously really hard to code, so I’m intrigued to see how tennis goes (or if you just do a time skip so it’s less headache for you)

Ending of chapter 1 felt a bit strange to me. It wasn’t exactly a cliff hanger, but yet wasn’t a resolution. That being said, it was a good length.

Anyway I went to read your description again, since I now know it’s not a teacher/student romance, and I guess I’m a little confused at what this is actually going to be a story about. I’m guessing the mask on the cover is a clue, but I don’t yet see how what I’ve read matches the story title… I’m guessing somewhere in the first three episodes, it will make sense, seeing as the first three are usually like “pilot” episodes so I always feel like they’re tired together.

A minor thing, but even if Daisy calls it perfume, I think Alan should call it cologne. Boys get really defensive about that stuff

Tennis scene did not disappoint! Good on you for going to that effort

“and do something against your bladder” against should be about

Was the Alexa part a question you actually tested out yourself irl to see what she would say? Either way, I actually laughed at this

Now’s probably a good time to ask where the parents are? Or are you going down the traditional episode route of having chill parents who are always out of town?

I’ve noticed there aren’t too many choices, but I feel like that’s only because I’m still in the pilot episodes and so you’re still setting up the story. But just be wary of it because episode is literally about choosing your own story.

That was some nice tension there with the wii game… You didn’t have me fooled because I was on to you, but I’m sure others will fall for it

Now after that fall I feel like the story description is starting to click. I should have picked up on it with your zooms at the beginning of each episode on his eyes, but I guess I wasn’t paying attention to his eye color. I see the display name has disappeared. I still don’t fully know what’s going on but I cheated and looked at your fanmail for spoilers so I think I’m on the same page now,

Ok, so every time there’s a fall, he switches, right? So technically in the dressing room way back in episode 1, should he have switched? Same question for the jump scare from his computer that caused him to fall…

Aha, the name Mr Alan suddenly makes sense! Finally!

A have a couple of final questions now…

  1. Does Alan have a whole secret bedroom attached to his room just for the Mr Alan guy?
  2. What exactly was the warning for at the beginning of episode 4? I didn’t really see anything out of the ordinary.

Anywho, I really enjoyed this despite not knowing what was going on half the time haha. I know my review probably sounds like I want you to put all the answers in episode 1, but now seeing the full picture I can appreciate the mystery you’ve added to it.

Small issue I have is with the author note at the very begging, it’s just a pet peeve of mine, but since you’re not doing it in every episode it’s not that bad. But I will still always suggest scrapping author notes because it ruins the illusion.

I noticed you have put it in the drama genre, and I you could switch it to comedy because a) I found it very funny throughout and b) stories actually tend to rank better in comedy because there’s less. So unless you’re about to take this somewhere real dark, I think it’s not an issue to change the genre just so your story is more visible on the app.

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Any other errors? in other episodes

I don’t think with layering. More so with spotting, sometimes characters looked too big in the scene they were in

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Hi! I would like a review.
Title: Fantastical: The Mermaid
Author: Rahdia
Eps- 4 (ongoing)
LINK: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6670380075057152
PLOT: Kyle is a chef seeking new ways to improve his cooking. One day on his search his boat crashes in the waters of Gaya where he meets the guardian of the sea: A Mermaid

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This review is BEYOND amazing and is EXACTLY what i needed!
Sorry for taking so long to reply!!

I am going to be revamping the first few episodes so I REALLY REALLY REALLY needed a review like this! AH! this is AMAZING! thank you so so much!!!

And think you for reading on past what you planned to! it makes my heart so happy that you actually enjoyed it that much!

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Hey S,

I’ve been reading some of your story, here’s some feedback:

  • I noticed that my family doesn’t match my character. This could be because I didn’t actually change the MC, so didn’t click all the features. If this is the case, can I suggest making default MC look like them for the people who don’t actually do the CC? Maybe for future stories though, as I can see you are pretty far into this one
  • There was a moment where MC has moved to New York, and the scene showed up first for a second and then it was the fade in transition.
  • I also think it would look better if MC doesn’t “talk” to the audience (unless you plan on doing that throughout the story) but rather using the narration bubble.
  • The first episode was way too short. It would have been ok if I felt there was enough content, but unfortunately I didn’t.
  • As for your author note, crediting people who helped you is fine, but never apologize for English not being your first language! I didn’t notice any errors with spelling or punctuation either, so seriously cut out that apology!
  • I noticed MC’s bedroom is the same room as the New York one. I think a small detail like that can easily be changed
  • There’s a few spelling and punctuation errors in episode 2. It might be worth asking for a proof reader here on the forums
  • The second episode is also quite short, but was more eventful than the first. I notice there is no choices, but I think if you go back and add some it will help make your episodes longer
  • I’m up to episode 5, and I’ve been waiting to make this comment because I thought it would be something revealed later in the story, but I’m still confused about the first scene with Serena running and the Police Officer. I think this could even be retold through little flashbacks here and there? That would also help your episode length issue.
  • Also, another warning is that all episode stories need to be suitable for audiences 13+, so you can’t actually say it’s for 18+. If your story gets really popular, it might get flagged. However, from the tiny sex scene in episode 4, I actually don’t think it’s too mature that 13 year olds can’t read it.
  • So at the beginning of episode 5, I feel like I got a bit of a clue as to what the first scene was about. Better late than never
  • I really like the mystery element that’s starting to shine through. I would have liked to see this story focus on that a lot more (another suggestion on how you can make your episodes longer)
  • I like that you use some legal jargon when they’re all talking about the business, instead of ignoring their jobs like a lot of other authors do.
  • I think a directing technique you might find helpful is “does it while”. For example, @ SERENA exits right AND SERENA does it while walk_exhausted Because I’ve noticed a few times they run on the spot for a second then exit, and you probably want it to happen at the same time, right?
  • I noticed episode 5 was much longer. It felt good too, because the whole episode covered the whole charity ball
  • Ok, the next sex scene is a little too descriptive for episode standards. I can’t remember the exact rule on this, but I think you’re allowed to refer to it happening offscreen, but can’t actually describe it. Just check this and keep it in mind, because Episode can (and will) take down stories for being too explicit
  • Your episode lengths are getting a lot better and again, I love seeing the mystery side to this case
  • I’m up to episode 8, and I’m going to leave it there for now to post this review, but if there’s more you think needs to be reviewed in later chapters, let me know.
    Just some final, overview notes… I don’t think I saw many zooms or a single choice that wasn’t outfit related. I would definitely go back if I were you and add them in. Another thing, which would be a major job if you do take my advice, but totally worth it: I think the first 3 or even 4 episodes could actually be combined to one episode.
    It would require a lot of work, because obviously you can’t delete chapters. But I feel like your later chapters were so much longer than the first that it seems a little inconsistent. If it makes you feel any better, I actually did the same thing to my own first story recently. I had like 60 reads or something, and then I started to go back to my old chapters and really add in more directing and more scenes and it totally paid off because now I have like 1.6k views. A huge difference in a short couple of months, and I fully believe it’s because I went back and edited.

Thank you for replying! I was getting worried that I had offended you and made stop writing or something :rofl: But yeah, great job! I look forward to seeing what you do next

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Hey Mimi,

I’ve just had a look at your story, I’ve actually had it on my list before I started helping Sasha, so I’ve been looking forward to reading it. Here’s my thoughts:

  • I really like your covers

  • In your first scene, the shade up transition doesn’t really work because it doesn’t actually transition to the next seen. A fade out or iris out would work better

  • I like that you’ve put a choice early on, but the options weren’t really that different. It’s fine to have choices that don’t influence the ending, but try to avoid choices that look like:
    a) yes
    b) yeah
    c) alright
    See how they’re all basically the same thing?

  • In the mall, two of the BG characters pop in. Try using the ‘&’ symbol when you place them so that they will start already in the scene

  • I notice that while characters aren’t talking or doing anything, they’re just idle. To avoid this you can either animate them, or zoom in on the characters that the scene is focused on.

  • Sometimes you are missing full stops at the end of your sentences

  • At first, I was thinking all your characters were a little overdressed for school, but that actually makes a lot of sense when I think about your characterization of making them like the “popular” kids

  • I like your plot, but if I think back to the opening scene, I didn’t get the bratty rich girl vibe from Alex straight away. she was staring at a guy across the halls, which seems more of a wall flower type of thing to do. Maybe you could change that a little to make her seem more spoilt?

  • Your first episode was a little on the short side, but that is the case with a lot of first episodes. As time goes on and you write more episodes, you’re going to learn how to do a lot more things with coding and directing and when that happens, I urge you to revisit this episode and apply what you’ve learnt. I did it to my first story after I already had 11 chapters published. I just went back and added so much more in and it really helped with getting more reads

  • Watch for your characters popping into the scene. Mentioning it again because I’m seeing it in episode 2 as well.

  • I feel like Alex saying “how cliche” about the boy next door is an omen.

  • I was right!

  • When Alex is looking at the view and you cut to Travis, make sure when you go back to Alex’s room, you use &cut to zone 3. Otherwise it will show zone 1 for a second before going to zone 3

  • Quick question: how old is Alex? I see cousins are 14, but is Alex older or same age?

  • Lol at that moment where Alex can’t say thank you

  • I like how you’ve set the story up. You’ve got the annoying younger cousin, the reasonable auntie, the 14 year old girl cousin she has to share a room with and the hot neighbor that thinks Alex is stuck up. I can see the potential for a lot of fights and drama, but also opportunity for family bonding and some really sweet moments

  • In episode 3, Travis is suddenly all flirty with Alex, which is the complete opposite of how we left it in episode 2

  • The pans between zone 1 and zone 2 at this part in episode 3 also get a bit tedious. After the first two, it’s better to just have it as cuts to zones

  • Minor thing, but when Alex facetimes Maria, you should use a different animation so it looks like she’s got the video camera on. Otherwise it looks a bit weird when Travis comes back into the scene

  • I curious to know what your plans are with this story. Is it going to be like a sitcom? I feel like it could totally work as one. Like having all these episodes of Alex struggling to do normal things like babysit for a few hours and not lose a baby (as in episode 3)

  • Just noticed in your story description, it should be “an upscaled attitude”

  • Whilst I’m all for MC’s coincidentally ending up in closets with their LI’s and subsequently have some will-they-won’t-they kiss moments, there’s a freaking baby lost somewhere!! They need to focus on the poor baby, not whether or not there’s flour on Alex’s face. Was actually screaming at my screen LOL

  • However, I do like how that was resolved with Susan being under the table the whole time.

  • My first note about your choices being the same has changed already I noticed. It was only that first choice that I felt the options were basically the same thing. All these other ones have been opposites :+1:

Ok, so I’ve reached the end. It’s definitely my type of story so I will continue with it when you update. Other than the few things I pointed out, I also want to suggest changing your genre to comedy. I actually found it way more funny than dramatic (and the almost kissing in the closet scene wouldn’t bother me as much if you classified this as a comedy) and stories tend to rank better there because there is less comedy stories than drama. I really suggest you try it, at least to see if it helps you get more readers

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Hey Rahdia, you are already on our list. Maybe you already requested a different day and forgot?

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Everyone who wants to request now can go to the following link :

@Ryan / @Jeremy please close the thread.

Thank you so much for your feedback. I’ve been planning on finishing the story and then go back to the beginning and rewritte those first epsiodes, cause they were made on the mobile app, and then in the writters portal I just added the costumization template. So I really want to go back and change thoses episodes and join them so they get longer. I didn’t know the parents didn’t match so that’s something that I need to fix as well. So thanks for the help and for reviewing my story.:slight_smile:

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Well, like I said… I went back and edited my first few chapters and it really worked wonders, and I bet you’ll find it’s the same for you xx

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