Recovery REVIEW
So you start with an author message and it’s okay if you want to put one, but do it at the end, remember that your first chapter is the most important one and it should catch the attention of the reader in the first 20 lines of it, so I recommend you to move that to the end of the chapter.
As another comment for your author message, I recommend you not to tell “It will get better” or things related to that, like the “I’m still learning”, it’s okay that you are still doing it, but don’t say it in the first chapter, there are a lot of readers that quit stories because they say things like “It will get better” so try to avoid anything similar to it.
I like how you start the story, with little flashbacks, it really gets my attention.
The design of the MC is beautiful.
I agree with the MC when she says that high school it’s not the best part of life lol.
So the cliffhanger of your fist chapter it’s a little weak, it doesn’t really makes me wanna keep reading it.
Your first chapter is way too short, I’m guessing 400 lines, and I know that’s the minimum to publish, but in reality it’s nothing, I recommend you doing your chapters 1500+ lines, which would be an average chapter, not too short and not too long.
You have a really nice directing, it’s simple, but clean, without errors, I love it.
The part when the mom of the MC asks her about how often does she want to see her dad it’s a little weird, I mean, I couldn’t really feel it, it seemed like something was off, I was just with a question mark face, and then the mom it’s just like “I’ll figure something out” and goes away, that really creeped me out for some reason.
So I just finished chapter 3 and I’m confused, what’s the story? I really don’t get it, what’s the main plot? All I can see in the first tree chapters is a girl with trouble in her house, but what else? What’s the main problem? Where is the drama?
I love how the MC is such a relatable person, besides de family problems, she is just great, I love her.
I noticed that there is not a lot of diversity in the characters, so you should work on that, because believe me, it’s really noticeable…
The dialogues are really good, they are not plain and they kinda get you into the story.
Good work with the choices, I actually don’t care if there are any choices in a story, they are irrelevant to me when I’m judging a story, but there are people who actually get annoyed when there are no choices or not too many of them, so as an advice try adding more choices to get more readers.
I love the way you use sounds in your story, they are always perfect timed with the moment!
The moment the mom kicked the dad out of the house! IT WAS GREAT AND IT MADE ME SO HAPPY!
Overall I think you have a good baseline for your story, but that’s it, you need to work with the developing of your story a bit more, and make your chapters longer, they are too short! Also there’s the cliffhanger thing, they are too weak, I think you could add way more drama into the story, for example you could end the first chapter with the father beating the MC and she is like thinking “Stop, stop” and then you end the chapter there, right in the middle of the beating, that’s more interesting and makes you wanna stay and keep reading.
I’ll definitely check your story out though.
, sometimes I get confused with all the thread and stuff, I’ll add you right away! I’m really sorry…