Honest Story Reviews part 2 - DISCONTINUED - as i am very busy with school :)

This is my first story ever btw so I’d love to hear some feedback!

Title: New Life Abroad
Author: Alifah & Ricki
Genre: Drama/Romance
Episodes: 3 (More episodes coming soon)

Style: Limelight
Story Description: You’ve always wanted to join sorority, but what if the Uni in the country you’re moving to doesn’t have Greek system? Find out and learn about other culture in this story!

3 Likes

Hey there!

Story Description:
Your description is good and gives the reader an idea of what they’re going to read about.

Episode 1:

Pros:

  • I like how you added character customization and your use of music/ sounds.

  • I also like the way you introduced your character and how you described where she’s going.

  • I like how you added in some choices too

Cons:

  • At the start of the episode at the airport there is a very slight glitch, make sure you place your characters before the transition fade in command with the & symbol instead of the @ symbol to avoid the characters popping up after the transition fade in.
    For example:
    INT. BLACK - NIGHT
    &CHAR stands screen center
    @transition fade in black 3

  • In the same scene when the MC’S mum and dad enter, there is a tiny spelling mistake when the mother first speaks she says get you stuff, it would make more sense if she says get your stuff.

  • In the same scene when the mother says “Now, then, dear” etc, I don’t think it’s necessary to have commas after “now” and “then” but if you want to keep it as it is, that is totally okay too.

  • In the scene after the flight and it says “21 hours later”, there was a glitch after you transition faded out and went to the next scene, so I suggest just using the
    INT. BLACK - NIGHT background and then have the Narrator say “21 hours later”, then @transition iris in black 3 into the next scene with they’re in they’re in the car.

  • In the car scene where the mother says: “Honey, we’re moving here is because of our job” etc. I would suggest for her to say “Honey, we moved here because of our job, not because we wanted to move abroad and start a new life.”

  • In the same scene where the MC says “I’ve always brag about wanting to join a sorority when I was in high school senior” I’d suggest you say something along the lines of “I’ve always bragged about how much I wanted to join a sorority in senior year of high school”

  • In the scene where the MC and Fabian are talking and you have the 3 choices out of music and 2 other things (I chose music) and after a few lines the MC says “Who knows my written songs would become popular one day?” I would recommend saying something along the lines of “Who knows, maybe the songs I write will become popular one day”

  • In that same scene after Fabian and the MC exit to the left, make sure when you want them to exit you say @CHAR exits screen left or @CHAR walks to spot xy

I’ve heard that LL can be hard to direct and the animations are hard too but so far you’ve done great! Make sure to review your work and use spell check or something like that, so you can avoid tiny mistakes.

I rate your overall story 6/10

Happy writing :grin:

1 Like

Hey there :slight_smile: Always happy to read suggestions and opinions about my stories.
Story title: Pine Hollow: Hex of the Three
Story author: Elzbiet Zaleski
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6695074211627008
Cover:
image

1 Like

Thank you so so much!! This is very helpful!! English is not my mother language, though, and I know I still have a lot to learn. Thanks for correcting my English and thank you for other suggestions to make my story better. I appreciate it so much! :slight_smile:

1 Like

Do you only do published stories or can you also review unpublished stories too?

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Moved to Share Feedback since this is for story reviews. Make sure to check out our Forum Tutorial for more info about where to correctly create topics, and feel to PM me if there are any questions. :wink:

1 Like

I’d love a review!

Here are my story details!

Title: Blades of Desire

Author: Giselle C.

Genre: Drama

Style: LL

Small cover:

Blades_of_Desire_posterThumb_9uJpUt9cjd

Large cover:

Blades_of_Desire_posterImage_v2eTQNB0ne

Description:

A rose, caught in the fire. Will you let that fire burn you to ashes, or will you fight to put it out? The choice is yours. |CC, CM, LGBTQ option|

IG; gisellepisode :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

I’m always open to feedback, suggestions, and more!

1 Like

Anytime, I’m happy to have helped :slight_smile:

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I can review both unpublished and published stories :slight_smile:

Can I pm you my story instead?

1 Like

Here’s mine.
Story Title: XENA PIERCE
Story Description:
An HEIRESS, a DAUGHTER, a GIRL who seeks answers–guide XENA KATSUMI PIERCE as she fights in order to save her mother. Will she make it through? Her SURVIVAL depends on YOU. (CM)

Story Genre: ACTION

Story Cover:
IMG_4877

Thank you,

1 Like

Sure I would love too. It’s my second published story though.

My story: Thriller: © Tribe of Malapinchi
Author: Jannah Jackson
Genre: Thriller/Mystery/Horror/Fantasy/Adventure
Story style: Secret Surprise :wink:
Description: Toss into a land of the sun, magic, lies and dark secrets in Asia. Can you make sense of the havoc you were tossed into and save everyone before it’s too late? CharacterCustomization
Episodes: 5/6
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5909308359180288

Tribe%20of%20Malapinchi%20Cover%202

Hey, thank you for creating this thread. I would love a review.:slight_smile:
Author: S_Unique

Title: The Four Horsemen

Genre: Fantasy

Style: Ink

Description: 4 Sins. 4 Angels fell. 4 Horsemen rose. A curse was casted. And the battle of good vs evil is about to begin. CC/ Choices matter

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5482099054608384

image

Hey there!

Story Description:
You have a good story description and it provides the right amount of info to maeka reader want to read your story

Pros:

  • Your directing, zooms and pans are well placed/ used!
  • I like how you made your intro and I like your choice of music and sounds.
  • Having choices that count and some that may not
  • I really like how you added a “behind the scenes” section to allow the readers to understand the story better

Overall your story is really good and you should have nothing to worry about because it honestly is just really good.

I rate your story 8/10

Happy writting :grin:

1 Like

Sure :blush:

1 Like

Thank u :slight_smile: btw, all choices actually matter :smiley: they either change events, or add points, that matter later. But thanks, for your time, and high score :slight_smile: good luck with ur thread

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That’s all okay and thankyou! Good luck with your story :slight_smile:

1 Like

Tittle : Search for love
Author: S.writes
Genre : Drama
Description: Your life turns upside down when you try to escape from a toxic situation.Can you find the love you’re looking for trying to escape?
Link : http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5548786201264128

Hey there!

Story Description:
Your story description is well written. It shows the reader that there is CC, CM and LGBTQ options available.

Pros:

  • I like how you let the readers know that gold choices matter and that you have choices that affect the story.
  • Overlay’s, music and background in the intro and in the overall story are all well placed and used
  • Optional character customization
  • I liked the way you introduced your characters

Cons:

  • I feel like your story was a little fast faced, such as one thing would happen then another

Overall your story was really good to read but as I said previously it was a bit fast paced maybe try slowing down transition fade in/outs or even try adding in other little scenes with nothing major in it, I don’t know, It’s up to you

I rate your story 7/10

Happy writing :grin:

Hey there!

Story Description:
Your story description is good and well written. It contains the right amount of info that gives the reader an insight of the story.

Episode 1

Pros
• I like the way you started your story - informing the readers with all the warnings/ things you recommend them not to do and what they should do
• Music and sounds involved in the story
• choices

Cons
• In the scene where Artemisia says “Until when are you going to keep up with that kind of attitude?” I would suggest you say “When are you going to quit with that attitude?” Instead so it makes a bit more sense. It’s conpletly optional and conpletly your decision if you want to change it though
• In the coffee shop scene where you have a choice to greet your boss or ignore and walk by - after you choose ignore your boss and walk by the Manager says “It seems someone haven’t noticed me” I’d suggest you say “It seems as though someone hasn’t seen me” again it’s conpletly optional
• In the scene where Alec exits to go grab some coffee I suggest you use the command @CHAR walks to spot xy AND CHAR faces left AND CHAR is rear_walk
• In the scene after you get the choice for reflexes or Intuition I chose reflex and when Alec says “why do you even had a pocket knife!” I’d recommend you say “Why do you even have a pocket knife!?”
• In the same scene where Alex says “You’ll gonna kill me one day.” I’d recommend you say “Your gonna kill me one day.”
• In the last scene in the house I didn’t think the music you chose suited that kind of scene, maybe choose something more action and upbeat like

Overall your story was good to read but could do with a bit of improving. I rate your story a 5/10

Happy writing! :slight_smile: