How can I make this essay better? (Non-Episode Related)

So, this essay I’ve managed to write in about a hour, its probably not good, like at all. But, I’m not sure how to fix it can you help?

Yes I’m aware that this is epIs0dE ForUMs but most of you guys are avid writers and can assist, no it aint cheating but its like peer editing right?

Uh well here we go…I’ve replaced the organization with this “…”

"Over the years I have acquired an abundance of shareable life experiences and the complementary traits that materialize along with them. Certain exposures happen coincidentally, intentionally or completely by accident, in most cases similar to mine they happen to vary. I will share some of my memorable experiences that make me an exceptional candidate for …

One of the most crucial life experiences that helped me define who I am today was an early “hardship” that I’ve encountered at a young age. One thing I’ve gathered over the years is my distinct ability to adapt to severe change. A substantial key to my success a different environment. How I obtained this trait varies but it mainly appeared when my family immigrated from the Carribean country of Trinidad and Tobago to the United States. I got acquainted with the new weather patterns and school system rather quickly. The central theme emphasised in this paragraph portrays my ability to adapt to drastic change therefore making me a good candidate for …

Furthermore, I am exceedingly determined. This came along at a relatively recent time as a result of my impeccable strive to obtain the … Silver Award, a great achievement I will soon accomplish. This is a valuable component in becoming a candidate for …

To summarize, I have a varying quantity of complementary traits that make me an exceptional candidate for …"


What grade are you in?? (I don’t know if I will be able to help haha)

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I’m in 8th grade, probably why it sucks lol

Wdym, this is great!!!


Okay wth that’s so good, you use much more wiser words so I thought this was a 11th grade type of paper


@xetic @SincerelyMia825

Wait really?! Thanks.

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Don’t even doubt how good your work is for one second!

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Haha yes really! Girl you better get an A++ or that teach on something


@SincerelyMia825 @xetic

Tysm! It means a lot.

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If you don’t mind me asking, what is your essay for?
Ah, I was in National Junior Honors Society too!
I’m editing this cuz it won’t let me post anymore lol
For NYC they have us maintain 95 or above averages, we need 12-24 community service hours and a whole bunch of recommendations
The struggle is real
Well I’m sure you’ll get in and good luck!
You’re a great writer btw, don’t even doubt it!!
Also I’m a freshman, and I’m just saying, your writing style is far more sophisticated then most people
in highschool

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I’m in grade 12, I just got an essay back, and it was all R’s. It’s no secret I’m not able to write essays, so this was no surprise (the highest mark I ever got on an essay was a 2-).

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National Junior Honor Society (The thing I bleeped out with “…” )

I got rid of it because if someone where to recognize me, they’d probably snitch

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I think its safe to say that English class sucks!
I kept a straight 80 in 7th grade English, but then I got involved the Forum Role play community and surprisingly it helped my writing skills a lot but, apparently that wasn’t enough as I became that kid who had all honors classes except for English. :joy:


I am a grammar/spelling idiot (the one who corrects everyone), but essays… Just… No.


To get in we needed 10+ hours community service, 92 or above average and 2 clubs

I would try to elaborate on this particular experience. If you’re going to say that you have an ability to adapt to change, then you should be able to offer more support for that statement instead of briefly touching on two things that you had to adjust to.

Also, you can swap out some words with synonyms instead of repeating them throughout the essay. For example, change one of your “exceptionals” to excellent and vary/varying to numerous/several.

Other than that, this is a good paper. Based on your writing, I would’ve never known you were only in 8th grade if you hadn’t mentioned it!


This is rather good.

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I officially feel stupid that’s really good! Try put some of your own opinions in. Think of it as a rant :crazy_face:

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Thank you for your feedback!

@josiej8 - No don’t feel dumb, also thank you for replying!

@TamiRose - Thanks!