Only 40% of people who start my first episode end up finishing it. I was wondering if anyone has advice on how to make my first episode more gripping?
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Itās hard to say because what people like reading varies from individual to individual, everyone has their own standard.
Generally speaking (since I donāt know what genre youāre writing in) Iād say avoid saying too much too soon, the overload of information could bore readers.
Try to mantain somewhat of an aura of mystery and end your episodes with cliffhangers, that usually engages the readers and it makes them keep coming back to find out what happens next in the story.
Directing can be crucial too.
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donāt add way too many information on the first chapter, that will just overwhelm the reader. Make it look unique and have a good conflict
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I should mention that these are completely optional. Not having any of these doesnāt mean your story is bad. Iām just basing my answer based on what Iāve observed being popular among readers.
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Advanced directing will increase reader retention. This one is obvious.
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ZOOMS. This might fall under advanced directing, but I feel like a lot of people forget that with the right zooms, your story can feel a lot less stale. If the entirety of your story has the default zoom on, a lot of people are going to get bored with it.
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Letting readers create their characters will drastically increase your readers, too. A lot of people particularly like to self insert and will immediately exit a story if they canāt customize.
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Make it aesthetically pleasing. My favorite epi authors uses filters/overlays to create the right atmosphere to match the tone of their story. Just try not to make it too obnoxious cause it can be distracting from the story too.
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Introduce a conflict for the main character to navigate early on. A lot of people have short attention spans, so make sure something is always happening.
These are just general advice and you probably already know all these. We could probably give more specific advice if we read your story ourselves or at least knew what its about and everything that goes on in the first episode. It could honestly just be that the kind of story youāre trying to tell isnāt popular with whatās trendy rn and thatās okay.
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Thank you all so much. I really appreciate the advice.
I think Iāve added a bit too much info in the first chapter. Thereās a scene where weāre introducing the characters but theyāre just talking and it goes on for a while. Iām thinking I could make almost like a ācharacter cardā and put in in the story, if that makes sense.
Also, if you want to know what my story is actually about (sorry I didnāt mention that before);
Itās a mystery/adventure about this group of people who have amnesia.
Spoiler It turns out theyāre in an experiment in which they are being recorded and inside a tv show. I know itās similar to the āTruman Showā (idk if youāve seen that but itās basically about a guy who finds out his life is a tv show) but thatās just the first episode, the next episodes are them hopping through different tv shows and it goes all throughout time.
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Ahh! Now itās gone down to 35%
If it helps I can send the link so you can review the first ep. This is not to get more reads or anything it would just help to actually know what I could specifically change about the story.
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Zooms and advanced directing. Iāve been on episode for like 7 years but Iāve probably only finished maybe 10 stories?? this might be personal but I really like stories that have those things from the start.
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I would love to review your story~ 
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So I took a look at your story, I read the first chapter right to the end and also made a start on the secondā¦ just so I donāt damage your chapter 1 retention.
I donāt think the storyline itself is bad, but it could probably use a little more excitement. I donāt have any tips for that, because Iām not sure where you wanna go with the plotā¦ but I do have some advice related to the directing.
Hereās what I found:
Your first mistake was adding yourself into the story at the very beginning, to give an authors introduction. Many readers [including myself] are often turned off by thatā¦ because itās rather pointless. And sometimes readers click out the second they see that.
Secondly, there is way too many characters to customize. Thereās six to be exact, and thatās just too much. I would understand if it was the MC, LI and their parentsā¦ but in this case itās just MC, 4 friends and the villainā¦ customizing the friends and the villain is rather unnecessary, and can be very off putting for readers.
And then when itās time to customize the next characterā¦ the one before it just disappears randomly, no transition, no walk offā¦ they just poof into thin air.
As well as the points aboveā¦ it takes much too long to switch to the next character, because youāve made them dance for a few beats after customizing each one. Something to note is: With Episodeā¦ the first few minutes of your story are crucial. So try not to waste too much time adding things that no one cares about, because this can also contribute to a major loss in readers and ultimately harms your retention massively.
Orā¦ perhaps you could give readers the choice, rather than making people sit through each character walking onto the screen and dancing?!
You could set it out like: 
NARRATOR
Now, would you like to customize Lydiaās 4 friends and the villain?!
choice
āYes, pleaseā{
goto AddLabelForCCingTheOtherCharactersHere
}āNo thanks.ā{
goto DoNotCCOtherCharacters
}
Thatās just an example.
But this way readers can completely skip the part where the other 5 characters come on screen, if they want to.
Then your own character reappears once again, just to tell readers something that could be found out within the storyā¦ so itās not really necessary to give those details.
It unintentionally gives readers the impression that you intend to do random author pop ups quite often, and that too can drive readers away.
Other things I found were:
ā¢ Thereās no speechbubble placement, it seems like youāre just using @speechbubble reset throughout, instead of placing it and resizing it yourself. But by using the generic speechbubble placement, it often looks off and doesnāt always place the speechbubble correctly.
ā¢ The characters are sometimes way off, scale wise.
ā¢ Thereās way too many random pauses, long pans and long zooms.
Each of these factors can contribute to why your story retention is suffering so much! I know that may seem like a lotā¦ but theyāre usually quick fixes, so donāt worry.
I hope this helps a little. 
6 Likes
Okay. Iād really appreciate it. Hereās the link:
Yes. I should do this! And when they customise the characters, should I put them all on the screen at once so it doesnāt waste time?
Do you mean compared to the background or to the other characters?
They are meant to be different in height but Iām not sure if I focused on that always. Itās probably not important.
Thank you. It does help. Iām glad itās little things.
Okay. I think Iāve got that down but Iāll try to make it more advanced if I can.
You can have them on screen at the same time, or separatelyā¦ [whichever is easiest for you] but I think giving people a choice [whether they want to customize everyone or not] is definitely the better option.
Theyāre fine when compared to other charactersā¦ it was more so when compared to the backgrounds.
And youāre welcome, if you need any help with anythingā¦ feel free to DM me and Iāll be happy to help out! 
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Yes. Iāll definitely do that.
I see.
Thank you so much. And thanks for taking the time to review my story. 
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Okay hi. @StoriesByRayna has said most of it, BUT, taking from what she said about using labels to make customizing the friends optional, I would suggest to have them on screen while giving that option so readers can see if thereās anyone theyād like to twitch a bit. AND, Instead of you (the author) showing yourself to say things we would later know, you can use Narrator bubbles.
First thing I noticed were grammatical errors. There were a few of them right from the beginning and sometimes repetitive words. I also think you should give more attention to your character spotting. Another thing is that thereās so much happening in the first episode that Iām scared that there will be nothing to say in the coming episodes.
On a side note, I ABSOLUTELY LOVED the start! It was so beautiful. However, the story is a little too confusing for me.
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My retention rate for episode 1 is bad 
at 37%
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Oh, oops, Iāll look out for that when I look back through it.
Thatās an interesting pick up. Maybe Iāll cut down on all the talking and reveal the characters throughout the next few episodes rather than putting too much info in one.
Thanks so much. I understand why youād be confused. Itās kind of a lot. Maybe Iāve put too much in one episode.
Thatās alright. If it makes you feel better, mine went down to 35%.
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I suppose itās because my story trended several times in the thriller genre and some people just donāt wanna read a story with limited CC/a black MC tbh. Or some people start reading but donāt finish or plan to finish it later.
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Genuinely, I am interested, so I donāt really know why readers donāt finish your episode? For me it was long, but I donāt think anyone else complained about that so thatās probably just a me-issue. Can you explain what actually happened in episode 1? I would read more but I donāt have any passes yet.
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Ouuā¦black MC? Iām sold.
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Iād read this story. I love thrillers. Whatās it called?
Thanks. Iām glad you want to read more.
It might not be just you. I would have thought it to be a bit too long as well but I had a plan for the second episode and I wanted to get everything into the first episode plot-wise.
Haha. Yes. I understand, thereās a lot to follow.
Hereās the plot (Warning: There are spoilers for the first episode in case someone else wantās to read it)
Summary
So these people have been experimented on by the āDream Gateā, a company. Their memories have been wiped but they are kind of mind controlled so they donāt think itās a big issue. Lydia has seen through this. This experiment is being recorded and put out on tvās so that people think itās a some sitcom or something. Thatās why they find the tape of themselves recorded. The seventh episode is the backstory so the aim of Dream Gate is further explained.
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