How does this start to a story sound

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So I absolutely suck at trying to start a story off. I’ve managed to come up with something but want to see what you guys think

Title: Unfolded With A Scar

Description:
When a famous fashion designer is reported missing it is a race against time to try and find her. But what happens when a single scar reveals she is not who she appears to be.

Disclaimer: I was thinking of starting the story off with the murder but would that be jumping to the main plot too quick?

Episode 1: Anniversary

Episode 1

Customisations You, Mark and Liam

Setting (police break room)

You: (on phone)
Hey so I know it’s our engagement anniversary but the Sergeant needs me to finish the paperwork on my most recent case by tomorrow morning at the latest.

Bradly: (phone)
fine, I’ll have to call the restaurant and cancel our reservation though.

You: (phone)
can’t you see if they’ll alter it?

Bradly: (phone)
we are talking about Kings steak house. There is no way they will have any other openings. Just pick up a Chinese take out on your way home, I’ll text you my order.

You:(phone)
I never thought about that, sorry for messing it up.

Mark: (phone)
it’s fine, love you

You: (phone) love you too

Insert work scene eg looking through papers talking to colleagues ect

Later on

Liam: Hey so any plans tonight?

You: Just finishing the paperwork off from the case. I’ll probably grab a coffee and put the fashion show while I work, when everyones gone.

Liam: you know, I wouldn’t mind a cup of coffee and watching the show myself

You (nicely declining the offer in a funny way)

If that’s your way of asking if I want you to keep me company then the answer is no, I’ll get it done quicker with out you yapping at me (laughing)

Liam: No, I heard you talking to Mark earlier about your anniversary and that you need to get this work done.

You: Liam that’s really sweet but I can’t expect you to…

Liam: Honestly I don’t mind, now go call him before he cancels that reservation.

You walk away as the sergeant walks in

Sergeant: Staying behind Liam?

Liam: yeah just want to work on a few things…

Sergeant: I heard the conversation…

It’s no secret that you like her why don’t you just tell her?

Liam: she’s engaged!

Sergeant: And in your eyes with the wrong person…

Liam: As much as I care for her I can’t tell her how I feel not after the last time

Sergeant: what do you mean last time?

Liam: It’s nothing, like I say she’s engaged. Dragging my feelings up after all this time isn’t fair.

Is this too cheesy to start my story off? And if so what could I add/start with?

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I like it, personally! :))

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Sounds good :ok_hand:t4:

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Thanks guys :slight_smile:

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I think depending on how you write it, starting with the murder could be a good start to your story, it raises a lot of questions straight off the bat. It’s a really good story idea though :ok_woman:t2:

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Yeah, you wanna hook your readers immediately. Don’t write six chapters of filler before you get to the main plot; there’s no point.
I like a good mystery, so go for it and write it!

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Thank you :blush: I’m glad you like the idea xx

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Now I’ve had time to think, I’m thinking of this small opening linking to the murder discovery. As the character Liam stays behind to help with the work load. he could be watching the TV shows live when something suddenly goes wrong.

Decisions decisions :joy:

Hope you like the idea

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