I am sharing my story to know a little feedback


#1

This is my first story ever so it is not easy for me to do it. There are no special things in it because I simply can’t do it. On the other side, English is not my language, i am Dutch speaking. So please read it and you can write your feedback. Suggestions are always Welkom.

thanks
.


#2

I would love to read! Just give me a few minutes and I will give you my review!!! :grin:


#3

thanks x


#4

Ok so I read your story I think it is pretty good for a first story. You have a plot, characters, and many scenes that connect so your on the right track.
I will break every element of the story into sections and rate you out of ten for each section.

Plot 5/10:
I believe the plot is simple, and easy to understand. You want to be a doctor and you meet someone there that you are attracted to. And you went on a date with someone at school because he has a crush on you. Although, I believe you jumped to scenes too fast. You stated that you are hate the Niel in the beginning, but then you decided to go on a date straight after. I just thought Anneke could’ve gave in to him like two days after or so. Also I believe you could’ve mention the meeting between Anneke and Dr. Renaud before they went on the meeting because readers will be confused and wouldn’t even know why Anneke is going to the hospital in the first place. A way you can do this is by keeping the meeting in Anneke’s head for a while to portray that she is nervous. I also thought it seemed weird that they meant in a room instead of an office, but if you see it that way I will let it be. Despite all of that, I think Anneke is a lovable character because her sass at times and her attitude towards Niel, and also how she felt the connection between herself and Dr. Renaud.

Customization 10/10:
Not many people use customization, and not many people use meaningful customization. In other words, the customization doesn’t really relate to people. Since I am a person of color, I would look for my details. Like in other stories they don’t have my type of hair, or eye color. BUT YOURS DID! I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT. You included all my details and all the things that make me me so I THANK YOU! Also readers would like that.

Choice 10/10: Since you just started I won’t push you to make complicated choices, but your dressing game choices really hit the spot. There were no errors and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE ALL THE OUTFITS!

Spelling/Grammar 6/10: I know you are dutch so I won’t penalize you for the mistakes. There were errors, but they didn’t bother me coming from a person who speaks english, and everyone makes mistakes. If you need help with spelling just ask me.

Directing 5/10: The directing was ok in this story. You added background characters which I love because it makes it seem populated and makes it more realistic. But I thought the charcters were a little too tall, and when they left to screen they went back to normal size. That can seem distracting, and will let readers shift off into the directing instead of paying attention to the story. It is your first story, so I don’t expect you to get everything downpact, but I am just giving you room to improve. I can always help you too.

Length 8/10: The length for episode I and 2 were good, but I thought episode 3 was a bit short. Like it was the date only. You can make it longer by showing scenes from Sabine and how she is feeling about Niel or Anneke, but the episode is not that short, so you can leave it as is. At least it is not long because that will make the story seem boring. I also love the cliffhangers because they leave the reader wanting for more. That is a great strategy for pulling readers in, and can help you keep your readers till the end of the story. Like I want to read episode 4:joy:

Overall 44/60 (73%): This was a pretty great story, and people should give it a read. Just shift the plot a bit and you will be fine, and if you need help with the plot just ask me. When I wrote my story, I wrote 3 episodes, then I rewrote them because my plot was not clear so you are not alone.


#5

First thanks for reading my story. but i want to explain some things. Niels and anneke are just friends, he is in love with her but she doesn’t know it. She had a fight at school with him and he wants to make up but taking her to the movies, this is not at date, it is just going to the movies as friends.

She goes to a job intervieuw and she meets the dr there, it is not in an office like you said but that is normal in an asylum it is not an ordinary hospital. People sit on a couch to speak. And also did say it before that she would go to a job intervieuw she said that to here girlfriend Sabine. So she had speak off it before.

And yes the coding, i am new i learn.

And my English … I know that is why I want so desperately to find somebody to correct the grammar.

But I am glad you liked my style of characters and clothing :kissing_heart:

And yes 3 was shorter but it was a great plot I could not let that go away lol

So iff you want me to help i would be gratefull.

thanks


#6

Ok I’m sorry about all the misconceptions I made. I can see you have potential! And I would be more than welcomed to help you with spelling and grammar. :blush:


#7

HEY!! Want to do an R4R??

I’d love to do an R4R, PM me so we can send SS’s to each other!!

HERE’S THE INFO!!

Story Name: DEMIGODDESS

Author Name: Giselle Crescent

Genre: Fantasy

Description: Being the daughter of Zeus isn’t easy. Add responsibilities and your mother having cancer topped on with a forbidden temptation to a boy who can rock your world , literally. CC

Small Cover:
5242e4c65aad4dc4eaa16195e5918d47b926391f_1_323x500-2

Large Cover:
78db2eb2c8938e3cb31cac097f4217fbc58fb39a_1_690x492

LINK:


#8

ok i will do it, do you read mine then, mine is added here above i need to have checked some essuyes.
My speechbubbles weren’t good in the writer portal so i changed them. Wen i look on my app there are to close to there faces. And there is an episode that a man and a boy are going to fight, in my writers portal he has not a bruise untill after the fight and in my app he starts talking with a bruise already. So iff you want to look at that?


#9

i cant get it open on my app. usually it workss with a link on Instagram then automaticly my episode app goes open, no i get the same page and i have to click on a button read storry but my episode will not go open.
Can i search it in episode itself, is it published because i really want to read it.


#10

Also for starters you have great covers did you made them yourself?


#11

i found it i have found it on the app itself. I am going to read now.


#12

Ok, I read it and I like to read more. Your characters are ok, the outfits great and the plot supper It seems to me this is going to be a great story. I really liked the zooming you do and the text effects. I will publish it on Instagram hoping to give you a boost for readers. I am not a professional beta tester so I can’t say really much about the coding and stuff. But I like to read more. There is just one thing, I think the episodes are a little too short. For the rest very good from me you get 84/100 xxx


#13

I read your story and I honestly really liked it!! There were minor mistakes, but that didn’t stop me from reading!! I LOVED it and I added it to my favourites, you got yourself a fan!! :heartbeat:


#14

Thank you so much beaut!


#15

I made some publicity for yours on instagram. i will be uploading this week the next 3 episodes.

xxx


#16

Thanks so much for everything beaut!


#17

I have put yours in my favorites too :kissing_heart::kissing_heart::kissing_heart:


#18