I desperately need help with description


#1

Judging by the title of this discussion, you will know that I am desperately in need of help for writing a good summary.

The title of my story is Clash of Elites (not yet published) but it will soon come out.

Here’s how trashy and messy the current summary I’ve made:

coeswirl1

Power comes with wealth. Power comes with beauty. Power comes with submission.

The game continues of being under the power of others or above them. They play the game by bending and twisting the rules. The very existence of power is evil.

They may have good intents at first - industrializing, advancing their nation, helping others, and seeking to build the company. But do not be fooled. For it won’t be long before power goes to their head as they are seduced by the addicting feeling it gives them.

Adela knows there was a clear hierarchy of power in the classification of all living creatures. Being able to experience it first hand since she was born to a world full of privileges. But as soon as she moves back to Washington from Stockholm, layer upon layer of treachery and deception unfold, until finally, the truth prevails. ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​She must accept the brutal realities of her existence… and try to stay alive.

Amid a backdrop of greed, revenge, betrayal, victory, terror, hungry sharks circling around the social hierarchy. For when Elites clash, violence and chaos erupts.

coeswirl1

Any help would be greatly appreciated :(((((


#2

That. Summary. U. Made. Is. So. Nice???


#3

Omg really? Thank you so much!

But as you read the text, are there any confusions or messy sentences that I have to be aware of? That I need to change? I’m not quite certain if it’s actually good.


#4

It’s fine to me :slightly_smiling_face:


#5

Hi! I think this summary is great and your story sounds super interesting.

The only feedback I have is in the first line of the third paragraph - I think it should be “intentions” rather than “intents”.

Hope that helps :blush:


#6

bump


#7

Hi! I appreciate your feedback. Although, I made a revision of the description of the story & I hope you can tell me what you think!

|512x105

Power comes with wealth. Power comes with beauty. Power comes with submission.

Adela Grimaldi knows there was a clear hierarchy of power among the living creatures. Her being able to experience it firsthand since she was born to a world full of privileges.

But as soon as she moves back to Washington from Stockholm to embark on her Senior year at Raven University, a prestigious school known for its social elite students; layer upon layer of treachery and deception unfold, until finally, the truth prevails. ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​She must accept the brutal realities of her existence… and try to stay alive.

For when elites clash, violence and chaos erupts.

|512x105


#8

Here’s the revised summary I made:

|512x105

Power comes with wealth. Power comes with beauty. Power comes with submission.

Adela Grimaldi knows there was a clear hierarchy of power among the living creatures. Her being able to experience it firsthand since she was born to a world full of privileges.

But as soon as she moves back to Washington from Stockholm to embark on her Senior year at Raven University, a prestigious school known for its social elite students; layer upon layer of treachery and deception unfold, until finally, the truth prevails. ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​She must accept the brutal realities of her existence… and try to stay alive.

For when elites clash, violence and chaos erupts.

|512x105

Please tell me what you think!


#9

Ehum…

Can read it? like now?

Its sounds (lol reads) amazing


#10

If u really want something…

For me, I would say “she was”?

Lol I have nothing else to say😂


#11

Hey there! Soon :wink:


#12

Heyy how do I put people in my topic


#13

Um hi! What do you mean?


#14

Like tag people


#15

It looks great! I agree with @SilverStar about the change from “her being” to “she was”.

Looking forward to reading when it’s ready :blush:


#16