I have made 2 episodes and I am working on the third but i really need more help for ideas and to make it more interesting!


#1

Oh yeah and the 2nd episode is quite short, its only got 35 dialogue and the first has 80…

I’m writing No Love. Check it out: https://episode.app.link/MSixTCoMMN


#2

Woah…Your episodes are too short! Can I ask what the story is about? Maybe I can help you come up with something to add in?


#3

it is about a girl that wants to be good and doesnt want to fall in love, but her friend (boy) betrayed her. eventually he comes into her house and asked her out.


#4

and she becomes his girlfriend


#5

do they fall in love right away? like at first sight?


#6

i dont really like it much though


#7

you can read it, i posted the link. its the first comment


#8

oh i got to go right now


#9

Is this a topic looking for Directing Help & Tips or are you looking for a writing partner @Maysa77? Thanks!


#10

both episodes are way too short- my episodes are normally 2,000 lines long (including choices). try adding some drama, more choices, and different scenes. what is your story about? i could help more if i knew. also, i’ve personally found that readers love outfit games and interesting choices. if you need help with that, let me know!


#11

oh ok thx!


#12

I am looking for both. a writing partner i am hoping can edit the story and i do need tips on writing the story because it is really cringe right now


#13

also do u know how to add gems to the choices?


#14

or do u have to pay?


#15

Um… to put it nicely… it might need a total overhaul… The pacing is way too fast, and well… are you trying to write some sort of parody of how people fall in love way too easily in Episode stories… or are you genuinely trying to write a normal story with a plot? If this is a serious attempt, then uh… for starters Reyna and Kiki shouldn’t be introducing their personalities right off the bat. No one does that in real life. Also, you might want to let the characters walk in first before giving them a dialogue. and while I’m at directing issues, you should give them animations while talking.
For example…

REYNA (talk_neutral_deny)
No, and never!

CHRIS (talk_call_out)
Your loss!

It’ll give the characters more life, as well as not weird out the readers. And as for Lisa… uh… no one outright introduces herself like that. Then cut to the scene where Reyna meets Alex. I’m pretty sure that there was no cue that 1. Alex knows that Reyna’s attending Ahish’s party just by being within the vicinity and 2. The background’s clearly not anywhere remotely near a house. Plus they exited the scene in different directions? Like, since Reyna agreed to go with Alex, shouldn’t they exit in the same direction? Then there’s the part where they enter Ahish’s ‘house’. I’m not trying to be mean here… but that background’s clearly a bar, and I honestly doubt Ahish’s rich enough to have a personal bar in his own house. After that, you skipped to some stage background when they were slow dancing? I mean, you could make them dance like that… but why not give them some individual dancing animations like (dance_groove_loop) or (dance_kpop)? You should also include sound for the phone ringing and the dance music.

Okay and unless I missed a part where Chris and Reyna are dating… why the heck did Reyna’s mom said ‘Your BF’s here’? I’m pretty sure Reyna was like 'not dating anyone blah blah I’m a good girl no lovers here at the very first scene where she and Kiki were introducing their personalities and stuff. Oh and also, did you just write that Chris literally breaks into Reyna’s house just because the door was open and the mom was cool with it??

And that’s just Episode 1. I really want to help you come up with ideas and stuff… but there are so many issues to start with. Think about how a day in your life would go. Would you suddenly say ‘Hey I’m Maysa77 and I’m [insert personal secrets, address, passport number, bank account]’? Consider looking through your script again and reflect if it’s even logical in any sense before adding in interesting details.

Oh and to make gem choices it’s basically like an example below (using your characters)

REYNA (talk_happy_agree)
Oh my gosh, if I wear that dress to Ahish’s party, I’ll totes blow away the crowd!

REYNA (think)
(Should I get that dress)

choice (partydress)
“Oh heck yes!”{
[Insert script lines if Reyna bought the dress]

gain partydress

}“Nah, I’m saving money”{
[Insert script lines if Reyna didn’t buy the dress]

}


#16

to add gems you need to do a choice for example:

choice
“red dress”{

}
“blue dress”{

}
“princess gown”{

}


#17

thx and also i am not offended, actually that was really helpful and i know there were lots of problems but i just didn’t exactly know which were problems and which weren’t. thx for the help!

also i am on an ipad so i don’t know how to code


#18