The Boy Next Door.
Episode 1
• I would advise using the new CC templates.
• Don’t forget to always capitalize “I”
• I received this advice, you should put the monologue at the beginning and the CC after the monologue.
• You should work on your spotting, Sabrina and dad kind of popped into the screen.
• You should also add sounds (but that’s just my opinion.)
• After the characters are done speaking you should put them in idle.
• When the boy fell, he fell left then he turned right. You also made Sabrina come up too quick, might want to try @pause for a beat.
• “I love this kind of parties” change that to “I love these kinds of parties.”
• Dad pops in already. When the camera pans to him. Have him already in the screen by doing
&DAD stands screen right.
• The music cuts off too abruptly.
• You should speed the transitions up a little.
• Spot directing needs work.
• You should work the zooms.
• Adam is a bit short.
• Episode 1 was a bit short.
• In my opinion it needs work.
Episode 2
• Adam is questioning Sabrina… after knowing her for 2 minutes.
• Being jealous because a girl you like is talking to another guy…That’s not healthy…
• @transitions need work.
• You said, “Are new in town?” That should say “Are you new in time?”
• You said, “He leaved me.” Maybe wrote “He left me, when I was going through some dark shit.”
• You said “Noup.” I’m assuming you meant “Nope.”
• “Do you do any sports.?” Maybe you should say, “Do you play any sports?”
• You wrote “I’m not a cocky.” Write “I am not cocky.”
• You spelled “Hugh” it should be “Hug”
• They just walked in? lol
• Spot directing needs work.
• Dad has said something… but it was Laurens speech bubble instead.
• @transitions are was too long.
• I forgot to add, Nice touch with the points.
• Your punctuation is good, I haven’t spotted any errors.
Episode 3
• You said, “I wouldn’t miss you even if you were my a dead mother.” “a” is not needed.
• You said, “I never leaved him behind.” That should say “I never left him behind.”
• You keep saying leaved it should be “left”.
• Speech bubble is in their face.
• The sound is good.
• The intro is good.
Overall: The episodes was a bit short for my liking… Then again I read fast.
The storyline is good, the directing and spelling needs work. I’m guessing Adam is the love interest.
Personally the romance between them seems rushed. This has good potientals, it just needs a little revamping.
