I learned something new recently

My family is very very traditional, and sometimes they can be (I’m going to try to say this nicely) dismissive of people. Most of my family is very chill and laid back about things, but I know my sister never really was. My dad told me the other day that EVERYONE thought I was gonna be gay. XD That’s news to me. I didn’t think everyone thought I was gonna be gay. I mean, I’m a weird kinda person when it comes to sexuality, but that’s not what’s most relevant.

I remember a lot of times in the past when my sister would say stupid stuff to me, like the one I remember most was she told me, “You better not be gay.” She said it kind of scoffing at me cause I was telling her how I’d rather spend time with my best friend (another female) and how me and her would rather spend time together than with anybody else. We’re just weird like that, I guess.

So it consisted of this, “You two don’t act like regular friends. You finish each other’s sentences and you sleep in the same bed. That’s all things couples do. You better not be gay.”

To which my first idea was just…get over it! XD you know? First, I don’t think sleeping in the same bed with somebody automatically means you’re butt buddies. Dafuq? At least to me it doesn’t because of my nature, I’m just…idk, I’m kinda dense and stuff anyway.

But after she said that, I’d got a boyfriend and I mentioned him like it was nothing, and she was SOOO surprised and then when my best friend got a boyfriend, she told me her family was “proud” and “relieved” like…??? XDXD My first instinct is always just to tell them to get over it. Whether we were or not, why must I “better not be gay?”

Well, my dad told me recently that everyone thought I’d be gay and he told me that my sister and he argued about it. I was like O.O

He told me that she better leave me alone, don’t say anything to me because if I’m gonna end up that way, I’m gonna end up that way and she doesn’t need to say nonsense to me. Of course she listened, though XD He told me that she was livid, asking him “How could you be okay with it if she ends up that way? Are you really just gonna let her be that?”

I was actually really surprised. I know my family’s quite traditional but JEEZ. She seemed like she was so bothered at the idea the way he was telling the story. It actually made him mad telling me about it.

Whatever I am...

Just in case it’s relevant or if you end up ever being curious, I don’t mind sharing and then defending myself, but I’m a bi-platoniromantic asexual. Duh, best friend. XDXD Of course she’s more than my best friend, we’re just somewhere in between what my sister would consider “lover” and “friend” or even “best friend”.

My favorite community in the world is AVEN. A bunch of people like me? YEAH! I’ve always been okay with being a weird outcast, though, in my family or where ever else.

I’ve been very fortunate always knowing this about myself. It is very simple to explain to me, but I know, especially from AVEN, that it isn’t easy for a lot of people to come to terms with it especially considering the world we live in.

I hear this all the time, which isn’t helpful, from people everywhere of all kinds like, “That doesn’t exist, you’ll meet the right one one day and change your mind,” et cetera et cetera. Every time I tell someone, I hear that bs and I’m like. Okay. Shrug. Whatever you say. Doesn’t affect me like it affects others, though I did get sick of arguing and hearing that nonsense! So I stopped telling people for a long time until I became 19-20 and I got over it.

My very supportive dad still doubts me on that, though. Isn’t that funny?? Everyone doubts asexuality and dismisses it so much. Some people say we’re part of the LGBTQ+, and some say we aren’t. A lot of LGBTQ+ people dismiss me, too. XDXD It doesn’t bother me, I just find it hilarious that my sister could be so damn “YoU bEtTeR nOt Be GaY!” and then the truth just has everybody just dismissing me in a different way. (A much worse way, according to other aces, NOT ME).

But meh, that wasn’t really the point of this post. I just thought it might be relevant to the way my family looks at me and others, too.

Does anybody else have a similar story or situation? Are you a weird outcast from your family for more than just your dating preference (or non-dating preference XD)?

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:open_mouth: damn. I. Haven’t really had a situation like that??? But. I used to have a crush on my best friend (another female) and when my mom found out, she said it was all hormones and I’d be over it soon. Then I was over her and then developed a crush on a girl I did dance with. Then on my friend at school. Then the popular girl at school. Then @kerubiel. Now she’s my GF. So. Yeet sorry Mom but it ain’t no hormones.

Like. Ok, my mom is supportive of the LGBTQ+ community but it seems like she isn’t, if her children are a part of it. And I had joined pride club and she went fucking ballistic. And my dad was like “Zareefa, wtf are you talking about. Why are you so mad about this.” Then my mom said “Oh, I don’t know, Karl. Maybe the fact that everyone would think our straight daughter was gay”. And I just sat there. So. Fucking. Awkward. Because i am gay

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XI

Nah, I’m kinda shook about that, too. Even if people do think you’re gay and you weren’t, why…what? XDXD!!!

Seems like if someone was going to be traditional, that’d be the opposite of what goes on. Like, my dad for example is completely 180 on that.

I dunno what it is, but yeah, it’s just so weird isn’t it? XD

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Pride club?? It’s like LGBTQ+ club at school

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One of my female friends said she had feelings for me a while ago and was sending me messages about it online. Her religious mother found out and though nothing bad happened, I felt terrible and I think she’d understand how it feels. I hope your sister can learn to accept different kinds of people some day.

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Nah, I know what pride club is. XD My bad.

What I mean by “I dunno what it is,” I was talking about families reacting extremely or oddly about the situations.

I don’t actually understand how that feels. My sister won’t change, I’m just fortunate enough to have the mindset of I don’t care. I’m very religious, too, and the reason I feel like people will just get over it is because Jesus loves me and everyone anyway, and that’s so much comfort to me. Also, take into consideration I’m not exactly gay. I have no romantic feelings for anyone. It just doesn’t happen. But I appreciate aesthetics and I love having connections with people. There’s like just a wall of something preventing me from going any further than that.

I don’t actually know what it’s like to “have feelings” for anybody to the point where I wanna do anything more than with I do with my best friend.

Are you still in contact with your friend? Is she okay?

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Oooooooh yeah. Idk. Like seriously, it’s 2018!!!

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Thank you for asking! Yes, she’s okay. I think things were a little awkward but it’s back to normal now. I’m glad your beliefs help you, and that you’re comfortable with not being in a relationship with anyone! I understand wanting to have connections and close friendships, and it’s always annoying when they’re perceived as romantic. Thanks for taking the time to explain :slight_smile:

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I’m struggling a bit with my sexuality rn, and I know my friend is struggling with the fact that she is more fluid than having one gender, but her dad refuses to acknowledge her as anything other than “his daughter, samantha” when she goes by sam/Sammy

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Hm…why are you struggling? Anything specific?

How does your friend think she’s genderfluid? There’s nothing wrong with being tomboyish. I understand where her dad’s coming from. The gender thing isn’t quite my expertise and I’m sure that I was kinda insensitive about that, and I’m sorry, I just don’t really know how to approach the gender conversation but to be kinda blunt in my beliefs, which can come off as being rude, but I swear, that isn’t my goal, >.< In fact, if you want, we could probably skip that conversation. XDXD

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Well, me-wise, I really for think I got into a specific label right now, and I don’t really want to just be shuffled into a box. I guess I would be a questioning bi/pansexual-ish demiromantic? I have no clue. And my friend: well, I’m not really sure, I don’t get to talk to her very much anymore:ⁿ I just moved 3 months ago and she’s still in DC, where I used to live.

From what I can tell she’s not fitting into any boxes either, and she’s kinda confused as to where that leaves her now.

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Heard. Some people don’t like labels, there’s nothing wrong with that. Labels are just something humans use because we like categorizing things and being organized. It’s helpful when looking for people that are more like you, if you ever wanted to. Like I did with other aces in AVEN.

Why do you think you’re bi/pan/demi? Maybe you feel like you could be in love with anybody, doesn’t matter what they are so long as you have a deep connection? Is it anything specific or just something you feel like you should be?

I wish the best of luck for your friend though. Gender is an important part of identity, in my opinion, and I can’t imagine being anything but content with my femininity both physically and mentally.

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So, the demi part is that i realized that I never really had crushed on anyone until a year or two after I got to know them. The bi/pan part stems from the fact that I don’t think I’m really straight. I mean, sure, I’ll notice when people are attractive, doesn’t everyone? But I don’t know. maybe this is just my confusion talking.

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I get what you mean. If you notice how attractive people are and you think you could like someone, it doesn’t seem so far fetched to be that you could be attracted to both genders.

Personally, if I were to ever have a romantic relationship, it would be with a man because men are the only people I am attracted to in any romantic way. I’ve had crushes on dudes before, but my thing is that I don’t want to like, sleep with these guys or anything like that. I feel like it’d be cool to have a guy I could sit with and play video games with and then like embrace sometimes.

I kind of behave this way with my bestie, but me and her don’t like hold hands or any kind of embrace like that. And I wouldn’t want to do something like that with any woman. So that’s how I know that.

To know for sure, maybe you could put yourself in that position. Would you like to actually be with someone who is the same gender as you?

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SPAMMED EVERYONE WITH LOVE. !

(I thought you need it :3 )

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I am an outcast in my family. I haven’t told them that I’m queer yet. I’m not 100% sure about my sexuality.

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Do you have any idea why?

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What do you mean?

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Why you are aren’t 100% sure about yourself? Sorry, that was a little vague, lol

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About myself? Uh… Well,because I’ve liked a girl before. But I also like guys more. So…

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