I need a direction review


#1

I did some direct mistakes…I need someone who can check them


#2

I could check them if u want


#3

Thank you very much! How does it work? Do you need to enter in my account?


#4

Just send me a pic of ur script and I will tell u what is wrong (although I won’t make ur story since I think it should part of ur imagination :wink:)


#5

Can I send you the link of the story? because there are 4 chapters…


#6

Yea sure


#7

#8

First story: In the beginning the “narrator” dosent at first and that is not how u spell narrator U puted “Narratore” when it supposed to be spell “Narrator”. When u said it begins on the summer night the background where Aurora and Annie is dosent look like a summer night at all try another background that looks more like a summer night. Instead of putting “But she went on vacation with Annie” put “And so she went on vacation with Annie”. Maybe don’t put "And she lost a smile When Aurora says “Can you forgive me”, The animation is too early so try to put the animation at the same time she talks. When it pans to the guy, try to make him already there instead of just appearing suddenly. When one of the girls say, "He is coming here try to make him walk as one of the girls say that. When the camera puts back to the girls, try to not have aurora do an animation. When Aurora tells him that she won’t tell him her name, Try to put Aurora on more animations. And also make Alex talk.When Aurora thinks, “He is so annoying” don’t make her talk while doing that thought bubble. As well as the other thought bubbles, don’t make Aurora do animations.Make aurora and Alex dance a little more. When Aurora talks get her to talk at the same time as the animation.(Say something option) Alex acted surprised to early so make him act surprise as Aurora says “I
don’t like you”.Dont make Alex have animation when he is thinking. When the school scene starts, fix that Annie dosent change clothes suddenly that has to be done before and don’t make camilla and Annie appear so suddenly. When Brandon talks, make him do animations and have enough space where Brandon can stand. When Brandon kiss Aurora, don’t make Annie and camilla clap for so long. When Debby appears, instead of saying, “She is Debby”, try saying “This is Debby”. When the classroom scene appears, make the teacher talk and move her more in the stand thing. When Alex introduces himself, make him look the other way. When the teacher says " Have a seat Alex, and the camera zooms in, Don’t make Alex have an animation. U have two “to be continued…” so try to delete one.


#9

So thats basically it I know its a lot and im sorry if its too detailed im a detail person that’s why :sweat_smile: don’t ever think that your story is bad your story is good and im trying to help u make ur story really hooked that people will be obsessed with it :blush:


#10

And I recommend you use sound and music in your story if u can’t then thats ok


#11

I’ll give u tips for your other stories later :blush:


#12

Thank you very much! I understood everything! You are very nice! :slight_smile:


#13

Your welcome


#14

Do u still need help with the others?


#15

In the future yes!


#16

Ok :blush:


#17