I need advice on a new story!

So I am in the process of writing a new story, and I need as much constructive criticism as possible.

Lana’s life has been turned upside down with a harsh break-up, fights with friends and family secrets. What happens when the one that got away returns, Weston is home and seems to take a romantic interest in Lana, will he reveal the real reason he’s home or will he break her heart instead?

I plan on focussing a lot on all the characters and to focus on some of the ins and outs of being a young adult. One of my characters Weston struggles with a sick brother and he needs to make money to pay for the hospital bills due to unpresent parents. My character Violet and her mother have an unhealthy relationship since her father passed and her mother not supporting her coming out as gay, her mother always has dodgy people over putting violets safety at risk. Zander is constantly compared to his twin as she is more mature and his parents constantly put him down and try to change him and his ways. His twin Delilah was sexually assaulted by a man when she was 17, Violet stopped him and Delilah feels she owes it to Violet to start dating her after Violet confesses her feelings.
Lana is Mexican and so is her family so if anyone is Mexican can they please tell me about their culture. And Zander and Delilah are African so once again please let me know about your country and culture. Lastly, Lillia is Italian (a later character). And Violet and Weston are English. I know I am asking a lot, I just want honest brutal opinions and suggestion. Thanks!

I like it but that’s a lot it’s a lot and a ton to take in for each episode
I think you should separate their stories in each episode then at the end it’s them connecting
I feel like at the beginning you should have a narrator tell you who your going to be playing as and some Idecation like that because the reader is going to be playing as 7 people

like in my story I have the beginning be an overlay of the characters name and just start the story off

Other then that I don’t have a problem with your story

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Thanks for the advice! It got me thinking alot and Im going to take your ideas on board.

I would love to read that story. I’m Nigerian-Canadian so if you’d like to make your African characters come from Nigeria/west Africa I’d love to help. I can talk to you about culture, etc.


I appreciate that so much, I’d love to hear about your culture. It would be a great help.

Do have an Instagram I could message you on?

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Yup, its @jessica.epi_ , (I use my middle name for episode related things btw).

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