Hi so I made a story called “bobby wants to play” and it’s not published yet, I need to wait until the overlay and cover approves. When it’s published I would appreciate it if someone could read my story and tell me what they think of it or give me suggestions? By the way, if you need a writing partner or if you need help with your script, I’m always available unless it’s not anything too advanced.
what’s your story about, if you don’t mind me asking?
It’s about unknown killers breaking into the main characters school and shooting everyone that tries to escape. Their motive will be explained in future chapters. right now, I have only done 3 episodes to see what ppl would think of the story and if it was worth continuing.
I can read your story, but I don’t need a writing partner rn, thanks for the offer though.
I’m willing to read your story
Thank you I will let you know when it’s published
Thank you I’ll let you know when it’s published
Moved to Share Feedback since you’re looking for beta reading. Make sure to check out our Forum Tutorial for more info about creating topics, and feel free to PM me if you’ve got questions.
Hey, I’m done reading your first chapter of your story and here’s the feedback I want to give you
Okay so episode doesn’t allowed for people to say the word “youtube” instead use “epitube” to not cause any problems.
You should work on the speech bubbles and zooming.
So episode only allows 5 cuss words for scene. Also, the B word should be censored so instead of bitch you should do b*tch. You can also do it like “bish”, or “beach”
When it was introducing her,
I think she should’ve been in the screen center instead of right, just my suggestion though
Usually when a child gets suspension. They stay in the office until their parents pick them up. Not yell at them and tells them to get out.
I think when Rosie said “Don’t do drugs kids” could have zoom onto her with the point up animation
I notice that these girls
When you were introducing them, I notice the zoomed got changed. You should fix that
A coding tip, to not make the character idle after they walk
“@CHARACTER walks to spot - in - AND CHARACTER does it while (animation) (you don’t have to do the does it while part if you don’t want them to do another walking animation and just want them to do the natural animation) AND CHARACTER faces (left/right) then CHARACTER is animation AND CHARACTER faces (left/right)”
You should use “&CHARACTER is animation” so they can use that animation and not the previous one.
Since this story has a lot of cussing. You should add a warning.
When it pan back to the other girl after Rosie left the Principal’s office. I think it could’ve just zoom to her and the principal and not pan. Like right after the Principal started talking, it should zoom back to them.
Yeah, that’s most likely it for the first episode, hope this helps!
I’ll read it after work and send you a PM when I’m done!
Thank you for the advice I’m pretty sure I left a warning but maybe I forgot in the first episode. Im not the most professional of authors so yeah I’m not very good at zooms. And if you’re up to it, I would love it if you could help me out and explain your suggestions a little bit further because I don’t fully understand. Please contact me on Instagram - mariahthebeautifulbutterfly thank you