I need honest reviews/critiques!

I have dabbled with Episode a bit in the past and I have just recently gotten back into it, so, I would love for some honest reviews on my story I am currently working on “Blissful Ignorance.”

Episode 1 is mostly finished, I am sure I will need to go back and tweak a few things and I am still working on Episode 2, due to the fact I am trying to figure out how to make sure everyone is changed into more formal attire and seated at the table already when the scene starts.

This is my rough draft description:
I’ve lived my entire life in Blissful Ignorance, but, I didn’t know that. My reality was burned away to reveal this new one that I have to stumble my way through or face the consequences. If this is the true reality, would it have been better to remain in my Blissful Ignorance?

My main character is Daria.
I do not want to reveal too much, so that way I can still ‘wow’ my readers. But please let me know what you think!

Link to “Blissful Ignorance” -> http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4932270193967104 <-

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-I thought the fourth-wall breaking intro was cute lol.
-Typo: We ave to get going
-Daria’s thoughts seem unnatural. What I mean by that is that it seems like she’s delivering a monologue, and not thinking to herself. Try thinking in her perspective; how would you word her thoughts?
-I notice that you don’t use contractions very often. Contractions really help humanize the dialogue and make the characters seem more realistic.
-The first episode was short. Nothing much happened and it doesn’t leave me wanting to continue reading. Try putting a cliffhanger at the end of each episode to entice readers to keep reading.
-The transition after the closer scene flashes and the characters pop in after the transition at the dinner scene.

Thank you!
The non-use of contractions is due to all the papers I have been writing for college recently! lol
And my first thought was to put the dinner scene in the first episode and make a cliffhanger following soon after that.
I’m still working on figuring out exactly how I want Daria’s inner voice to sound to make it seem natural.

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No problem!

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