I need some advice (daddy issues)

I’m not usually the type to vent or post to much about my life online unless it’s to close friends but my emotions are all over the place right now and I can’t keep bottling it up inside.

So… me and my dad have always have a bad relationship, he never wanted to spend time with me as a child and would always treat his online friends and video games to a higher amount of his time than his daughter, he never wanted to spend any time with me. As I reached teen years, my parents started to fight more often until one day I heard screaming so I run into the hall and see my dad screaming at my mother with his hand in a fist threatening to kill her and her screaming for him to do it before he rammed her head into the wall. that had caused her to notice me there and I had to run into the bathroom and call the police on him, he came in and heard the police on the phone, snatched my phone off of me and started talking to the police. That was the last string to him really being anywhat of a father figure… He promised to clean up his act but even though I know some of it was from him being alcholic. He wouldn’t stop, I even threatened to move to nans but he manipulated my mum into locking me in my room and it ruined my relationship with them both.

My mother is always telling me how wrong I was to call the police that night and dad is always guilt tripping me into staying and promising to change after I catch him breaking his promise to try be a better father and boyfriend to my mum… I keep letting him guilt tripping and I just feel like i’m wasting time waiting for him to finally agree to be a father on his terms… I mean they made it clear I was always the one they never meant to have… first they called me a “suprise” but now it’s “mistake” or the child whose the “troubled” one because of my autism, if I do one thing wrong they use it against me in every argument, no matter how spaced out each thing was from the other or how different… And they always make me feel like I need to be perfect to get their attention, If I get B’s or C’s then I’m a disappointment, or even a low A makes them tell me they had a higher requirement for me… and then me being yelled at for being “retarded or stupid”, I’ve always wanted them to be proud of me, even if it wasn’t for academics which isn’t my strong suit. I’ve always been the typical “Nice one” I’d never go out of line, be snarky or step out of line even when I have jerks in high school harrassing me… but even if I snap once and keep my boundaries from someone, then it all comes tumbling down. I always grew up with the dream of being a singer/song writer or an author… my music teachers always seemed proud of me and would offer me solo’s but i’d always shy away from taking or accepting them, because my dad would yell at how much he hated my voice and how ‘little girls’ are supposed to sit still, look pretty and not open their mouths… I could never practice at home, and he made me feel insecure about my voice so I’d have to practice at my nana’s which was a rare occasion or i’d have to practice in the toilets at school when they were empty, I got a solo in year 9 this year and accepted it for the first time and begged dad to come… After the show I went found my mother and asked where my dad was and well… then my nan came walking out of the place where the audience were leaving. He gave his ticket to my nan and then when we got home, instead of on his games he wasn’t home. I stayed up that night in my bed until the door opened around midnight, and he came waltzing in drunk. He went to spend time drinking with his mates instead.

I just don’t know what to do anymore, I want to sing/song write and become great one day, but I don’t want to feel like any more of a disappointment than he already makes me feel every time he tells me to “shut the fuck up”, it just seems like every time I TRY to pursue my dreams, he makes me feel like i’m being selfish and that I’m just naive and don’t have what it takes to make it.

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yeah your dad is garbage and abusive and he wont change. he is toxic to be around. and dont deserve the title of a father

he will always dispoint you. its hard to admit this about your own dad but he is gonna be a problem forever. my best advice would be to get out. which is hard as a kid. but try to talk to teachers about your dad. or grandparents or aunts/uncels

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I’m so sorry you have to endure that hun. A person is nerver gonna change unless he or she really wants to. Especially, when your getting manipulated time to time. I think you did the right thing to call the police and I’m sure that waz very scary for you to experience and I’m so damn sorry that you have parents like that. And no hun your not naive so do not let someone crush you spirit and dreams because they want you to feel guilty. Do not give them the power to control ans manipulate you. I know for a fact you’ll do great some day because from what I can tell your independent, strong, and brave just keep on moving forward. God bless you hun :pensive::heart:

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I told my year coordinator last year but she made me talk to a school therapist who then sent a thing in to DOCS (similar to child protective services) and it was after the time I had to call the cops on him that I told her about it and the cops had already put a thing into docs… They called my mother and she screamed at me for telling the school because now I have 2 reports filled in with DOCS. My nan and pop know, they’re mad about my dads behaviour and how even as another excuse he blaims pop was abusive to him when in truth pop stood in for my dad when his REAL dad died serving. :frowning: I asked for my nan and pops help being emancipated or for them to take me into their custody but they told me they couldn’t because my mum would turn psycho and take them to court and with them on a pension they can’t afford to look after 4 cats and myself, plus I kinda have also been swayed to hold on as long as I have because I want to be there for my sister who is still so young, I don’t want her to be alone in this house full of messed up people. and my aunt and all my uncles live HOURS away on the other side of australia.

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If there is any way for you to move out I’d just leave, don’t discuss it, don’t give anyone the chance to talk you out of it. This sounds like a volatile situation and the best thing for you would seem to be to remove yourself if you can. Also most people don’t get to be singers or song writers or authors and it’s good to have reasonable expectations but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try doing the things you enjoy doing. It sounds like you know your father is a deeply troubled toxic person, stands to reason his isn’t an opinion you can trust.

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It isn’t just his opinion, its my mums opinion and people at school have made it hard. I remember primary school, I had a teacher of 2 years who got so fed up with the fact I was struggling to understand her teaching that she refused to teach me things like grammar and punctuation. I had to learn what I know at this current moment, she stood up and defended my bullies and caused me to go to a therapist who would make me sit in a corner being quiet for an hour whilst she got a nap in to steal my parents money. Plus I have my sister to think about.

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ofcourse your mom gets angry over you doing the right thing. she is o used to been abusived and cant find a way out of it or more she is scared too.

listen fostercare suck. been taken away from your family suck. but its worse to be with abusive family. and because you grown up in it. its properly worse than you think.

listen keep telling your teachers. talk loud about what is happening the only way for something to change is if you are been heard.

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In all honesty, I admired episode authors since before my father became the way he is now, but since he has… I guess I’ve been well attempting too… become a writer and attempt to get into the writing program as both a way to somewhat prove to myself I am capable with or without his agreement and earn income to find a way out… :confused: I figured if I can write a story well enough to get into the writers program then by the time i’m 18 I’d have been able to earn enough income to buy an apartment far away from here and take my sister with me.

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bad teachers suck I had that too. one just gave me the blame for evrything bad happening in the class.

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you said you sing you can start making youtube videos. upload a bunch of covers and parodies and such. though I guess that is hard in your home.

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Yeah, before he was the way he was… I could somewhat have a little freedom to record and had a youtube channel of me singing songs and was super proud of myself for it… I go into a stage where I became obsessed with dance. (I sucked at it.) but made videos and then got bullied by kids in my school by it… To this dance a dude named reese in my class is like “Can I dance?!” (the name of the videos) “No you can, fing not you dumb batch” (trying not to swear to much)
and then there are the mean groups of students who act like they miss me posting but are like “WHERE DID YOUR VIDS GO, I MISS THEM SO MUCH OMG” but dont even try hiding their fake and sarcastic tones, between my videos of years ago being a mockery of the school, not being able to continue them due to my dad being home to show to the schools mean students that I don’t care.

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do you still have that youtube chanel I like to see it

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Yeah, I go by a different email now so I can’t log back into it but I can bring up the link…

I was cringy, I’ll admit but I was proud of it at the time.

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but listen just ignore the haters.

life suck. but I still recomand to talk loud about your problems because if you dont people will pretend they arent there.

also again its hard to call police on your dad but collect evedince. pictures videos and such about him been abusive that you can show to the police.

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you have a great voice. you should defently keep singing.

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Thanks, it actually felt good to write out all my emotions instead of bottle it. Normally I would internally scream all my issues into a mirror.

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your good. definitely start making youtube videos again. in five years you could be selling your songs

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Thankyou so much again, it really is a relief to be able to talk to someone and it means so much to read you saying that. <3

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your welcome. here is an advice. life suck.

all that that talk. you will get over it. you heal with and you will get better when your are older. arent really true. even though you might be happy in five years it wont do it alone. you need support from people who care about you and some theropy. things dont get better on its own you need to do something yourself. and yes with you might get better but time wont do it alone.

and how hard it might be call police on your dad.

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@Sydney_H Could I get this thread closed please.

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