I need someone to criticize my story!

Help is no logner needed!

Okay, here’s my review:


I suggest you tell why you made Sophia look like that and what they should keep.

Okay, I was too late, but timing when he punched her was wrong. Do this:
@ALPHA is punch_give AND SOPHIA is punch_receive
This will make them do it the same time.

I also don’t like it that you never put dots at the end.

This spot is kinda weird.

Also this spot.

In general, I don’t like it that there’s almost no story, if you know what I mean. Everything happens too fast. (no offence) But I like the plot.

Okay, Thank you for being honest, now I know what to work on before I publish, again, thank you :grin:

Ni problem, it’s my pleasure to help.