I need someone to review my story/can review yours too

Hi everyone! I would like if somebody would review my story : Roommate Nightmare. IT tells about a girl whose parents pass away and she gets their house. Only problem is that the house feels too empty. I had a big cap between updating so I want to know if that is too noticeable.
So the story name is Roommate Nightmare and the author is Aleksandra18. The genre is romance/drama.
http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4687729375969280 here is link for it.
I can review your story too. Leave a link or write the name of the story and the author.

3 Likes

Title: Bad Behavior
Author: Liyah
Genre: Drama
Episodes: 4 (more to come)
Summary: How will Alana, Lucas, Ryan and Rachel survive their past and conquer their future…
If bad behavior follows them everywhere, they go?
cc, and choices available!
Style: Limelight
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5778189056540672
Cover:

THE SALVATION LIMELIGHT
Genre : drama
Story Description : In the world there are many people who are dying of hunger, but even more of those who die from the fact that they lack love. Can you solve the crime? Save a loved one?
LL&CC

I just read your story. Generally I love the idea of it and can’t wait to see what you have in mind for future episodes. There were some parts that seemed maybe little too rushed. Like the party scene in episode 3. And I noticed that in episode 1 when Mother was ranting to Alana she was just staring at her. Of course that may have been what you wanted her to do, just stare but I feel like that slowly zooming on her face while her mom was ranting would have made that part more interesting. And I really enjoyed the Q&A in the end. I would have preferred the Q&A to be in maybe the third episode not the first. It just made me kinda confused. Overall I really enjoyed this story!

1 Like

i had the QandA originally in all episodes. then i moved to episode 3 but then someone told me to put it back in episode 1 :joy:. and which scene are you talking about? when Alana is sitting on the couch? or When the mother walks away? the party scene was a bitch rushed - but it was essential to the plot, that’s why i moved it so quickly.
& thank you!

I think it was just before she walked away. And your story only had these few small things that I noticed so don’t worry about them too much.

1 Like

I have you story added to my favorites.
I’m reviewing some people stories so once I am done. I’ll get to yours.

ill start your review soon! i just have to do a few people before you but it’ll be done today! :grin:

Title: Mystery on Hanging Hill Lane
Author: Marshmallow O.
Genre: Mystery, Romance, Comedy
Style: Limelight
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6250660385652736
Summary: It’s a race against time as you and your friends try to escape the mysterious sleepover that you were invited to… Read to uncover the Mystery on Hanging Hill Lane.

Cover

I’m changing my current one, so this will be my new one soon enough! :grin:
image

Chapters: 4 (More to come)

Create your own characters and Choices Matter!:blush:

2 Likes

I just read this and I really liked it! You have used a lot of effort for small details and I think that is really great. Only thing I noticed was that in episode 3 when Main Char goes to the graveyard and there is a text effect, the reset missed | in the end so the word reset is showing and the text effect didn’t reset. I really think this is a great start for an interesting story.

1 Like

Thank you so much for your review! :heart:
And thank you for finding my mistake, I’ll fix it :smiley:

1 Like

Hi!

Ep 1.

I love how you started the story. There were a few grammar errors. Punctuation.

When you showed the crash site, I suggest panning the area first then have the MC walk on to the scene or run with a shocked expression and then she starts to cry.

So when you transitioned to this house. Pan first and then have her enter or you can add so seconds so it pans slowly. Like pan to zone 3 in 3 after she enters the scene.

The thought bubble where you give us the option to choose how to response. I think it is too far from the MC. Didn’t expect a choice so I really like that.

Also the scene where I was talking to Natalia. You keep panning from one side of the room to the next when we are talking in the living room. I suggesting that you put Natalia to sit in the couch in zone 3 and the stays in zone 1 couch. You can cut from zone 1 to zone 3 while they interact.

Hello I will definitelly read your story but I’d like you to give mine review too. You can DM me here or on instagram. :heart:
Story name Vip Brother:Love is…
**Authors name **Megz_episode
Episodes 3
Instagram name megz_episode7997
How many episode you want me to review 3 are enough
Description A story about 16 celebrities who enter the house of Big Brother uder 24/7 surveillance for 2 months to win the prize of 500 000$, but before that they have to go through all challenges of Big Brother.
I would like you to promote my story.
Style LL
Cover IMG_20190223_164712
Link http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4977128782561280
I would like to DM me on instagram if you can.

Thank you! I will correct those things asap

hi! this is your review! but before i start i wanted to let you know that this isn’t me being rude AT ALL! this is just my opinion on your story! please do not take it personally! i’m just fulfilling a review! i hope this helps! and i cant wait to read your review for my story as well! :two_hearts:

Episode 1
  • i don’t like to start the episode out with CC i’d rather get to meet the characters first, and then get into the cc part. so that the cc eases into the story. but that’s just my opinion, you don’t have to change it!
  • episode writer grammar lesson 101: don’t mess up. i’m obviously kidding :joy: lmao have you read my story!?!?! there are SO MANY grammatical errors :joy: okay here’s the thing. I don’t care like at all ab grammar. but there are SO MANY people who care SO MUCH about grammar. readers and writers alike. so, moral, just be sure you’re putting commas where they need to go, and periods where they need to go as well! you’re missing quite a few of those. also, there are a few typos, like “you can forget this hole thing” when instead you should say “you can forget this whole thing” punctuation is key! :writing_hand:
  • less narration. we as readers like to see these things happening. so yes, it’ll be a lot of directing, but being able to watch these things happen without all of the narration will make the story much more interesting to watch.
  • add sound! i didn’t have sound in my story because i didn’t want it, but you’ll be amazed at how many people will tell you they read with the sound on, so you should use sound!
  • why are we zoomed in on the couch during their convo at the house…? directing mistake?
  • you should use instant zooms more often. make it more realistic. so like &zoom on x y to 100% in 0 (0 being the amount of seconds, which is none, making it an instant zoom.)
  • why are we soooooooooooo zoomed in on the floor?
  • yea… we’re zoomed in on the floor for like 80% on the ep…
  • also, please lose all of the narration. it really does take the reader out of the story. and makes you lose the “im watching a movie” feel.
  • this episode was very short.
  • i like the flashback concept while the mc is in jail. very creative. but maybe, you could have her be telling the story to another cellmate instead of the audience, to make it more realistic. and then do the flashbacks. ya know? just an idea.
  • i think there should be more character development of the mc… we don’t really know her. and the first episode is where we really need to learn about the characters.
Episode 2
  • refer to the cc note i made from earlier in this ep too.
  • you should use sound.
  • so when a character gets done talking they either keep talking (because its a looped animation) or they have this wacky expression on their face because they weren’t instructed to do something after their dialogue line. so be sure to add a &CHARACTER is idle_happy_loop animation or something like that to avoid this from happening. and to make sure they’re ya know… breathing even when they’re not talking.
  • don’t add more than one line of dialogue to an animation (unless it’s looped) otherwise, the character will be done speaking and we’ll still be reading dialogue lines. when you break up the lines, break up the animations as well.
  • if you ever need help with grammar or words to use or anything like that, you should check out grammarly.com
  • refer to my zoom note i made earlier here too.
  • why is the bff walking backward to the table?
  • why is the mc not looking at her bff when they’re having a conversation before they sit down?
  • (this note is specifically directed at the opening club scene, but is also a note for other places in your script as well.) use the ‘&’ command more often. especially with animations. because when you use ‘@’ and it’s not a directing command, the script will wait for this to happen before it does something else. but if you use ‘&’ then it will do multiple commands at once. so for example: &CHARACTER is idle_happy_loop is much better than using @CHARACTER is idle_happy_loop
  • dylan walks backwards into frame…
  • when all the characters are in the club scene the spot directing is a bit off, because the bff (forgot her name) is standing directly in front of natalia, so we cant see her. try redoing that a bit.
  • the directing in the scene outside of the club is a bit strange… like anna is standing across the screen from the mc, and then she’s talking to her facing the wrong way, and then they go and hug… i’m a bit confused.
  • also, what is happening… i-
  • i feel like episode 1 and episode 2 should be combined…
  • don’t narrate that she told us ab her parents. show us with dialogue. also, very strange place to have this serious of a convo.
Overall Thoughts

Okay! Hi!
This isn’t going to be very in-depth like I would’ve wanted, but I have to go soon, so I can’t do a ton of explaining!!! But anyways. Your story has some potential! Okay so first. Plot. I feel like I can see where it’s kind of going. There’s not much happening yet, and I think it’s because there has been no character development. We don’t know these people. So what I would suggest is to make episode 1 longer. Add some more character development. Maybe she could start the story off by getting arrested, and then we could see what she’s like in jail. And then maybe she makes a potential friend in jail, so she starts discussing how she got into jail with her, and then we get into the flashbacks. Just so that we could have some more character development. This would also, help with less narration, because you had quite a bit of that. All in all, the first episode is what makes the reader WANT to keep reading you story, so it has to be THE BEST! Next. Directing. So, directing wise, there were quite a few mistakes if I’m being honest. But that’s nothing that time and practice wont fix. In my opinion, watching Joseph Evans’ YouTube tutorials are very beneficial! So you should try those out! Also, i’d add cc to the story as we meet the characters, so that it transitions into the story smoothly. Ya know? Finally. Grammar. There were also quite a few grammatical errors in this story as well. Like missing punctuation, and misspelling words, or using the wrong words. But, then I went to your profile on the app and it said that you were from Finland! So, first off, Hi from america! :two_hearts: And second off, I realize that English probably isn’t your first language. Which is totally fine! I think that you should totally check out grammarly. com and just copy and paste your script into the site! It’ll help for sure! Overall, I think you’ve got a good foundation laid out so far. Just some more edits to your story, and you’ll be on the right track! I’m also pleased that you have not used an authors outro, or intro so far! And that your story has potential! So yeah, I hope this helped you and I hope that you learned something! Thanks for letting me do this review! :two_hearts::grin:

1 Like

Thank you for your review! I sometimes get really confused with English since my firts language is finnish and I also speak Swedish. For example the word whole is hela in swedish and koko in finnish. But thank you for the gammarly.com tip, will be using it a lot! Also the it actually makes a lot more sence if she speaks to sole friend or something and not just to the audience. But not sure if I should change that bc then people who are in chapter 9 would get confused. But I will definetely change the club scene. Again, thank you for your review!

1 Like

Story Name : Queen
Author : Steffi
Genre : Drama, Romance
Status : 3 episodes at the moment, more coming soon
Style : Limelight
Instagram : @steffi.episode
Description: All her life, Devina was raised learning the ways of being a proper lady of the nobility. But her life is suddenly disrupted when a royal advisor visits and reveals to her that she is the next monarch of Artesia. WIll she reign? Or will she renounce her claim to the throne? Will she choose love or duty? It’s all up to you!!

1 Like

Just read your story. Didn’t find any problem with it. I think the plot is really interesting and I love the password thing in the episode 3. Overall really great story! Can’t wait to see what will happen next!

of course! i’m happy to help! just let me know when you finish my review as well! :grin:

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