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NOTE: Sorry for the others, but I wasnât aware that some of you would not like full story reviews, then again I did mention before in the rules that I may come brutal and would offer constructive criticism and advice on how to improve!
Title: The Matchmakers
Story Description: A police officer who does not believe in love had an extraordinary encounter with one of heavenâs matchmakers, then finding out an ill-fated connection.
Genre: Fantasy, Romance
Title: A Letter Away Author: Mya M. Instagram:@mya_m.episode Genre: Romantic Comedy Style: Limelight Number of episodes: 7 episodes (To be continued) Link:http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5539390594875392 Summary: Noah and you, have been writing letters to each other ever since he left town. You finally confess your feelings for him just to find out heâs dating someone. What will you do? CC Small Cover: Large Cover:
Story title: Dance Party Description: Akira Arakaki has been a professional dancer for several years, but a few subpar dance performances make him lose confidence in his talent. Can he restore his confidence? Genre: Drama Link:http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5516066628632576 Cover:
HELLO!
Title : The last breath
Author : Ladies.episode
Genre : Drama
Description : Sibel became a doctor as she dreamed of, but will she leave or continue her career after she was forced to marry a cruel Italian mafia.
Cover :
Title: Magicka: Ethereal
Genre: Fantasy
Description: walking back to college from work you find an unconscious man, while waiting for an ambulance a magic creature hides in your backpack, but other people are looking for that creature too. people who are not human but something more magical. but are you trusting the right people.
Hey it would mean a lot if you could review my story.
Story name: Lies & Deception
Author: Nani
Style: Limelight
Genre: Drama
Chapters:3
Description: In a class full of liars will you be able to find your boyfriendâs murderer without revealing your own little secret?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6278289182359552
Episode story review made by Gigi Kelly (@Alex_Denvins)
Story title: The matchmakers Author: @Rolayne Genre: Fantasy, Romance
Title
It is intriguing, it actually excited me to read your story, personally, I am a really big fan of those genres, the ones that play the matchmakers and is really expecting it to be seen a lot in a story of this type.
Description
So far so good, like we expect something really big to happen like out of the world kind of event. And the fact that the main does not believe in love makes it in my opinion even better. Like an author needs to be fully capable to show how the tables turn, how they fall in love becomes more difficult to express it, but never say never .
Now for how you would want it to be expressed in a way that could attract more critical readers; I would say:
" Felicity, police officer who lost hope in love finds herself entangled with one of heavenâs matchmakers, only to realize they were destined an ill-fated connection."
I only read 4 chapters and could basically give you a quick summary of a few questions that I have and what I would recommend to improve it (of course it is not mandatory it is just my opinion )
Tips and question marks
As an introduction as the goddess introduced to each matchmaker their task is pretty cool, I really liked the idea, very original.
Moving on, at first it said it started a few years ago, later on did it say it was afterwards in the present since I kind of got confused.
We did not get the insight on the main character at first, why she didnât believe in love and all, you could add a little bit of info mixed with some secrecy at first to make it more interesting to encourage the readers to keep reading.
When the goddess was meeting the matchmakers for the first time, did she not create them? Is her role in the story basically to give out orders?
The male MC said when he was on the job âWhat should I do to you?â It made it look in my opinion as if he were really evil, I think it should be: " What should I do with you?"
I liked the whole showing different relationships and how deceiving and manipulative men are, that was a really good point in the story.
The moment they met, I was expecting something really like boom that just happened , I mean the idea is really great donât take this the wrong way, but where are the sparks, the magic and all? The description clearly said something really extraordinary in my opinion, the dialogue should have been stronger.
It was surprising at first, still, I cannot help than get a lot confused afterwards.
If you want the story to keep having this real romance effect, you should have added povâs on how they locked eyes, what did the matchmaker feel when he saw her⊠when SHE saw him what they felt at that instant it felt kinda blurry.
Only after continuing to episode 4 that I got a little insight on the MC, she had a few troubles in the past, but what I still question is why did her dad just got allowed in by her mother after he hurted them so badly? Like maybe if he just showed up at their door step and they started arguing and all, and she started questioning why he was here in the first place then the whole scene would have been even stronger.
How did the MC know who he is, she overheard him?
When their leader threatened the goddess why did she not stand up for herself? She has more power than him or am I wrong? Like she could just taunt him and all, as to he has no control, he overpowered her and in my opinion, she should have it under control.
When the MC just invited the matchmaker to tag along, she should have justified, her whole character was very blurry.
Overall:
I loved the tappable overlays , and the fact that there is a lot of choices and all is really what boosted the whole story!
The directing was spot on! For real it was amazing! The zooms alone gave me chills.
From the 4 chapters that I read I only saw a lot of mystery and fantasy, some things were very much unclear, as I couldnât 100% follow with the storyline, I was expecting romance, I suggest adding a few kinky dialogues between the two, you added a few but still, you should try to focus on how to reinforce their connection to one another .
If they are meant to be, it needs to be seen, more than just that one simple fact that the whole story focused on ( I did not want to mention it, as it is really a major spoiler).
What really is unclear to me the most, even when you added to choices to get to know Percy, his whole persona was very unclear to me, so was the MCâs, like is she strong, weak, insecure, hurt with a dark past (cliche tho)? I mean she seems like a pushover itâs not a bad thing, but as a person who doesnât believe in love doesnât she need to be like, way stronger?
Love baddies !
One has to keep reading to understand the whole story in general, in my opinion it went pretty slow, some of the episodes were short and ended not how I expected it, like you kept a LOT of mystery which is sooo good, but, I think that with a little more povâs on the mains themselves, it would really make the whole idea way clearer.
If you really want to just allow the readers to have the idea that you hoped for them to have when they read your story, I suggest you add POVâs, more bubbles. It doesnât have to be a fluent description just simply say what you mean.
IMPORTANT NOTE:
I liked it, it was simple and quite entertaining I might continue reading it .
Speak from the heart
Why does one write? To express themselves, to express their thoughts, a piece of themselves in their writing, no one has completely themselves figured out, but with art, writing, singing, etc⊠in my belief, people find themselves, who they are, if writing and reading are things that you enjoy and are passionate about, then expressing yourself should be easy throughout a story.
Hey there! I have just posted my entry for the Magicka Contest and I would be so grateful if you could check it out I would be more than happy to do a R4R with you (When your story comes out!)
Unfortunately I do not have instagram, is that a problem for you as I canât follow?
Description: They said your mother was crazy. But they were wrong. She was the only one who saw them coming. The witches are here and they are on a huntâŠ
Episode Story review made by Gigi Kelly (@Alex_Denvins)
Story title: Dance party Author: @kahotshot Genre: Drama
Title
At first it didnât make sense of why you chose that title, but later on as I read your story, it became much clearer, I couldnât think of a better suitable one.
Description
It basically sums up the whole idea, however I personally find it quite simple, but then again, this whole story is very basic overall seems enjoyable.
This story was mostly of 3 chapters, and after reading them I could sum up a few points, and I would appreciate if the reviews are not compared to each other since every story is different! Again I need to mention that this is my opinion, you donât have to follow through it if you donât want to !
Also what language is it? I am very intrigued by it as I couldnât recognize the mainâs origins.
Tips and question marks
So the main is a dancer and loves it right, but what kind, all of them?
We got to know a pretty good insight on Akira, but why does he dance, why is it his passion, why does he care if the reviews are bad?
Point out his passion that has been going on for years, not only that he does it for enjoyment.
The character is pretty relatable, like anyone with passion to something could know what he feels when someone criticizes what you love and put your whole heart to, to make it even more like the reader could feel sorry for him, try adding like as âa person who dedicates his whole life to dancing and music, put his heart out on that stage not just for the win, but to share the joy and excitement I get every time I step foot on that dance floorâ, try to connect those two dots so that later on, the reader really starts to feel with the main.
Monologues, out loud? Many do it, but I donât know why it doesnât really add up to me.
Love supportive friends, but as it is a drama story, shouldnât there be like competition, hate or something? Donât get me wrong, I support the whole friends thing but one would like more drama than just bad reviews.
All the food talk made me hungry ! Try adding a little action to it, they meet someone or somethingâŠ
Basically, Akiraâs spirit has been down due to the many negative comments⊠But like, he starts to question himself and all right? Where are those questions, nightmares, etc⊠a true passionate dancerâs worst nightmare is when his performance is not as good as it used to be, right?
Basically he was upset that the critic was cruel and mean, but that is just how they roll, you must show how he overcomes it and remains strong, sometimes he could go on all alone !
He seemed pretty pretentious in the second episode, only for the spotlight? Like yes, it is a dream of all, but doesnât he also want to share his talent to the world?
Never noticed his friend was gone? Never checked their phones? If it isnât the kind of world I want to live in .
Umm⊠the last 2 episodes⊠I donât know what to say honestly, the whole idea is pretty basic, it just pinpointed that one thing, like isnât he used to all those years to criticism? Doesnât add up.
Try adding few new topics to it to spice the whole story up!
They just won them over like⊠that? Seems confusing.
Overall
Pretty basic, liked the choices, the directing is pretty nice and simple, not too many mistakes, although the whole height thing kinda made me uncomfortable.
Grammar was very good, as well as the whole idea in general!
Try adding heartbreak, pain, passion, disasterâŠ
In general, the whole idea is really good, try adding more feeling to it!
The whole storyline is kinda weak, plain and simple, but then again there isnât much to say tho, so maybe with a little bit more knowledge about dancing and why does one dance I guess it could really turn this story up!
You chose a pretty difficult topic if I may say, if one wants to really say what they mean throughout dancing as a career, there would be too much to be said.
To sum up, it looks as a really simple story good example of friendship and all, a little cheesy for my taste but quite enjoyable .
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Episode story review made by Gigi Kelly (
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, I mean the idea is really great donât take this the wrong way, but where are the sparks, the magic and all? The description clearly said something really extraordinary in my opinion, the dialogue should have been stronger.
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(When your story comes out!)
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! Try adding a little action to it, they meet someone or somethingâŠ
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