I Will Critique/Review The First Episode of Your Stories

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21

Story Name: Assassins
Author: inkkee
Genre: Action (a bit of romance too)
Summary: You’re finally graduating as a full fledged assassin. On top of that you’ll be getting personal training from a special someone. How will your new career take off?
Review, Critique, or both: both if you don’t mind
Cover: kuva
Anything else I should know?: Idk. maybe the link? http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4700589554991104

22

Ahh yes I was going to fix that, thanks for the reminder!

I’ll probably use less zooms then and just cut to the character to be safe.
Thank’s so much for taking time to read it and giving feedback :relaxed:

1 Like
23

Your story is very intriguing. Some things I would fix though are:

  1. When Trevor and Max are talking it’d look better if you cut to each of them rather than zooming.

  2. When having characters walking into a scene I’d put them in the same size off screen, so that when they walk on screen they aren’t getting bigger than smaller.

  3. When Max is walking towards the door of his room (I think the background is INT. GOVT HALLWAY - DAY) have him do it while walk_neutral_rear THEN he does tinker_stand_neutral_loop_rear ao it would look like
    @MAX walks to spot XYZ AND MAX does it while walk_neutral_rear THEN MAX starts tinker_stand_neutral_loop_rear

  4. At the scene where everyone is at the bar, Max and Lucas were on top of some people, it’s a simple layering issue.

I hope that you don’t take these critiques too hard, they are just opinions. :sweat_smile:

24

Hi, do you know when you’ll be finished editing?

1 Like
25

yeah u can go ahead

26

Ok :slightly_smiling_face:

27

Story Name: Cuffed
Author: AlexEpisode8
Genre: Romance
Summary: Alessia’s perfect life is thrown upside down when she’s arrested for a crime she didn’t commit. One thing she never expected? her sexy cellmate, Andre.
Review, Critique, or both: Both, please :slight_smile:
Cover:

CUFFED_COVERART
CUFFED_COVERART1947×3464 453 KB

28

So I just finished reading it. I love how you used advanced scaling and shifting for the overlays.

  1. When Zeke and Eve are having a conversation in the bathroom it’d be nicer if you cut to each of them rather than zoom between the two.
  2. When Zeke exits the kitchen for a slight second you can see him under Eve, so maybe after they hug put him a layer over her.
  3. Through out the entire episode music_wanderingtheme plays, I think that it’d be nicer if you changed up the music, especially in the scene where Zeke and Eve are fighting the type-3 demon.
  4. At the end of the episode when Zeke and Eve teleport hope, I think you could make the transition faster. Maybe even white, unless that interferes with showing the theme of Zeke’s powers.

Other than that, your story is very interesting and the plot is very supported by the good use of the overlays. :smiley:

29

I like how your story shows the expectations that come with social status.

  1. When choosing an outfit I think it’d have been better if Alessia just did dustoff_neutral_loop instead of walking off screen and back on.

  2. When Alessia and Cece are at EXT. EAST COAST COLLEGE - DAY I think the proportions are slightly off.

  3. When Alessia’s mom comes down the stairs after she is bailed from jail, her mom comes down pretty quickly, I think it should be like:

@MOM walks to spot X Y Z in 3 AND MOM does it while walk_angry_loop THEN MOM is idle_armscrossed_angry_loop

  1. When it does to the scene where Alessia is on her bed she’s standing up for a few seconds, the coding to fix that looks something like

@ALESSIA spot X Y Z and ALESSIA does it while sit_(which ever sitting animation)

  1. When Alessia wakes up in bed the bed overlay shifts slightly, the coding for that should look something like:

INT. BED with BED COVER to SCALE SHIFT SHIFT

Other than that the plot of the story is good.

1 Like
30

Wow thank you so much. This was super helpful (: I’m gonna go back in and fix everything

31

Story Name: Breaking Boundaries
Author: Faith Rose
Genre: Drama
Summary: Noelle, a cheerleader is passionate about football.
She wants to show all the boys that girls have the ability to play football.

Will Noelle be able to break the boundaries?
Review, Critique, or both: both
Cover: -

IMG_20200203_140746_192
IMG_20200203_140746_1921440×1440 241 KB

Anything else I should know
Directing, plot changes development
Link- http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4671208766111744

Also can you review my second story it’s okay if you want to just do one story. But here’s the link for other one.

32

Thank you so much for reading my story! You make perfect sense about making sure the overlays and animation to be as smoothly as possible!

I cannot thank you enough for addressing those errors to me! <3

I will make these changes for sure as soon as possible, thanks again!

1 Like
33

Hi! I’d love to get feedback on my story! I’ll make sure to check yours as well!

Story Name: The Prince
Author: Mijhaan
Genre: Drama
Summary: He (un)consciously torn her family apart. She never wanted to hear from him again. Sometimes it’s fate…But when it comes to the crown prince of England?
Review, Critique, or both: Just what you thought of it & your overall impression would be greatly appreciated!
Cover:

Cover

218807E3-F450-442B-85C8-8EDCBF8DF3AA (2)|375x500

I’m currently waiting for a new version of it!

Anything else I should know?: English isn’t my mother tongue, so I apologize in advance for any mistake you could find!

34

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. Your story reminds me a lot of Bella and the bulldogs, and I’m glad that it’s not a blatant copy of the show.

  1. After Customizing Noelle you can use a simple code that will make her exiting smoother.
    @NOELLE exits right
  2. Some of the speechbubbles get cut off like when Casey was talking to Noelle at the game. so use:
    @speechbubble reset
  3. Before going to EXT. OUTDOOR RESTAURANT OL - NIGHT do @zoom reset, that why when you get to the next screen it’s already reset.
  4. When Casey and Noelle are at said place Casey stands up to roll her eyes. You can use spot directing to have her look like she’s sitting down as she does that, then use spot directing again so that when she does the sitting animation she isn’t under the table.
  5. At the Restaurant when Noelle and Casey get their food it’s a layer below the table to fix that you can do
    EXT. OUTDOOR RESTAURANT OL - NIGHT with EXT. OUTDOOR RESTAURANT OL - NIGHT
    This makes the overlay that comes with the background moveable so you can set it at a layer below the food.
  6. At the waterfall when you zoomed in on Noelle and Jasper there’s a random transition that’s white, I don’t know if that was on purpose but it looks kinda random.
  7. At the waterfall when they are falling towards the water instead of walking you could have them do
    @JASPER walks to XYZ in {TIME} AND JASPER does it while (some kind of falling animation) THEN JASPER walks to XYZ in {TIME} AND JASPER does it while (falling animation)
  8. When Noelle walks into her house, you should have her do it while walking rear, like
    @NOELLE walks to XYZ AND NOELLE does it while walk_neutral_rear
  9. Willow asks her father what alcohol is, my only problem with that is 10 years olds aren’t oblivious. When I was 10 I knew about abuse, sex, drugs, etc. I feel like a more realistic age where a child is truly oblivious is maybe 6 or 7.

Other than that, thanks for letting me review your story and I hope you know that these are all opinion based and you do not have to take them to the heart. :slightly_smiling_face:

1 Like
35

Okay thank you so much for reviewing my story.
I will make those changes.

I never heard of that movie Bella and the bulldogs

1 Like
36

I like how relatable Louise is as a character. Something’s that you could fix are:

  1. When Irene walks into Louise’s bedroom she glides in while doing idle_armscrossed_awkward_loop. You could have her do:
    @/&IRENE walks to XYZ AND IRENE does it while walk_sad_loop THEN IRENE starts idle_armscrossed_awkward_loop
  2. When Miles walks into EXT. EAST COAST COLLEGE - DAY there are 2 girls layered over him for a few seconds, you could have him layered off screen then walk on to screen.
  3. When Louise goes to her bed, before she sits on it she stands up in mid air for a few seconds while doing transition_stand_to_squat_neutral. I think it’s a simple issue with spot directing.

Thank you for letting me review your story, it’s honestly really relatable as far as the characters go.

37

I reviewed You are my Sunshine. Overall the plot was kind of unclear to me.

  1. When you go into Nick’s flashback I think you should use the surroundings in the
    background to decide everyone’s height.

  2. When Milo and Nick are talking and it zooms to Samantha place her in the spot before zooming to that spot.

  3. When Sam goes to talk to Miles she teleports next to Nick, I think it’d be easier to have her standing next to Miles if it’s harder to have her stand next to Nick.

  4. When Sam kicks Nick, Nick is a layer below Sam so I think you should establish the layers in that scene.

  5. Before going into INT. CLASSROOM FRONT OL - DAY add @zoom reset.

  6. Use @transition fade out black [time] instead of @transition fade in black [time]

  7. Place the characters before adding the transition code.

These are purely opinions, please don’t take them too hard.

1 Like
38

oh okay thanks for review will make those changes.
What do you mean by unclear?
what about the other story?

1 Like
39

I understood Breaking Boundaries, and the name fits well. But in You are my sunshine what story are you trying to tell, that’s what I mean.

1 Like
40

oh, it’s about Nick and Samantha in You are my Sunshine.