I would appreciate some feedback on a new story I'm writing


#1

Hi, everyone!
So, I’m currently working on a new project that I plan to release simultaneously with my already existing story on Episode. This new story does not yet have a title, but I’ve already worked out the profiles of my main characters and part of the main plot. What I’m stuck on, however, is a key scene in the first chapter. Here’s the context:

The male MC had a childhood crush on a girl who defended him from some bullies when they were children. He and his family moved away, and years later (now he’s 22), he returns to his hometown for the annual town fair, and sees that girl who defended him (only that the reader won’t know that until after they meet at the fair). Now, what I had in mind was having the guy run to get in line where the girl is buying food, and in the process, he knocks into her and a new friend, causing them to fall. I thought about having the girl be a bit rude, but I’m not sure about the falling scene because it’s a bit too cliche and overused. However, the point is that I want the girl to be indifferent and maybe a bit rude… so if anyone has ideas for that particular scene, I’d truly appreciate it.


#4

I’m not sure about him running, but if he is 22 maybe he is joking around with a friend of his after going on a ride or something and they get to goofing off and he’s walking backward. If he has his back to the line, he won’t see her as she just gets her food and he bumps into her and makes her drop what she just bought. I don’t know about you, but if I’m hungry the last thing I’d want is my food on the ground and I’d probably be a bit rude.


#5

Thanks! That’s very helpful. I definitely think the girl would be angry at anyone who would cause her to drop her food, especially since she had been waiting a whole year to get that specific kind of food at the town fair.


#6

Closing due to one month of inactivity :slight_smile:


#7