I would like some feedback on my new story Anywhere But Here . . . feeling a bit insecure

I published my first ever Episode story today and I was hoping for some feedback on it. What I can do better, what’s wrong with it?

This is the cover

And this is the story link

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I can review it :blush:

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I was reading your story @Yesternitt and I noticed while Lennox was talking with Ellee, Lennox sometimes did sitting animations while she should be standing up.

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There are a few mistakes I still need to look over but if you can review it :pleading_face:

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Thank you so much for telling me know! I’ll fix that in a minute :purple_heart: I really appreciate it :purple_heart:

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Of course! Episode 1 looks good! I feel like it is really short though.

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I felt the same, but when I started adding dialogue it started to feel awkward so I decided to stick with short for now but the coming chapters should get longer

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Okay.

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Alrighty here’s the review

Errors

Chapter 1

  • Spelling mistake. It’s supposed to be “Just know you don’t have to tell me anything”

  • In the scene, when she is talking to the therapist, she sits down when there isn’t a couch.

  • At the end of chapter one you said “Would you like to read the author’s note, it’s an important disclaimer” but there isn’t an author’s note.
    Chapter 2 and 3

  • When the camera pans to the right to customize Reid, Reid might be standing behind Evan and it looks strange. My advice would be to preview this scene again.

  • When Evan enters she slides instead of walking.

  • When we customize Elias, it’s kind of strange because he appears out of thin air.

  • When Elias enters this scene he becomes way bigger than her.

  • I would suggest changing the scene when Elias first comes into the story by showing them entering the scene after or during the narrator. and when its time to customize him you zoom in on him (Make sure not to show lennox) so that it goes smoother.

  • After Evan says “Are you trying to give me a heart attack” When Lennox comes in the room, The camera cuts to the bed for a little instead of Lennox.

Thoughts
  • I love this outfit and the template.

  • I like the name Lennox for this character.

  • I like the cover and that you added it to the beginning of the episodes.

  • I appreciate how you didn’t let the audience use gems to choose the yellow choices.

  • I like how this story seems like a novel and that we are experiencing things from the main character’s eyes.

  • I like the heart background that shows up when the narrator talks.

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Thank you so much! I’ll be looking into those errors and fix them as soon as I can :purple_heart: thank you so much for taking the time to read my story :see_no_evil: it means the world for me!!

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You’re welcome :grinning: I’m happy that you appreciate it.

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