I am opening review /feedback thread for first-time writers mainly
But be warned - I tend to say all as it comes to my mind. I want to be brutally honest so if you feel like you will not be okay if I write you that- I suggest to not ask me for feedback.
but if you just want more reads please go to a R4R thread because writing feedback which nobody really wants is wasting of mine energy)
Therefore, there are limitations on what stories I will review:
Published stories ā with limitations ā I will make a review if it is your first published story and you have maximally 4 episodes published or you have less than 100 readers. If you have more than that, let me know why it is important I read it.
Not yet published stories- No limits
Ideas- I would love to give feedback on your story ideas as well!
What I Can offer:
I will concentrate mainly on your 1 chapter because this will decide if readers stay or keep reading, but I might read more chapters than 1
Honesty and constructive criticism. I am a fan of logical behavior and good storytelling. So, I will let you know if I see something that doesnāt fit or if the story is too rush and soā¦
I will also let you know if I spot some directing errors or will see some directing improvement.
Please remember:
What Ever I write is my personal opinion and you are free to not follow any of my suggestion. Whatever I write is with the intention to help you to improveā¦ā¦ā¦
Your feedback will be placed here as respond to your request.
Or you can tell me that you would like it in a private message!
I will try to be as quick as possible but it depends on how many review requests there will beā¦
Thank You!
Just remember, this thread isnāt to bring you down about anything I say, it is just a pair of new eyes looking at your story and suggesting some things that you could improve on!
Everyone could always improve, even the big-time authors!
Hi! I hope you can tell me what you think of my story.
I know the first few chapters are short but it gets longer after episode 6.
I know you probably will only read the first chapter but I would love to know what you think!
Provide a better description for your story!
Sorry it took me so long
Introduce characters in story~
I recommend letting the characters be introduced throughout the story. I have done a ton of research on the forums platform and I have learned that readers prefer when we can see the characters tell us their story through their actions. Without the writer bluntly telling us. For example, show us the closeness of Lydia and the people around her, donāt just come out and say āWe are besties!ā
Grammar errors~
In the story there were a few English errors. There were only a few and they were small but I recommend having someone possibly proofread your story before you publish each chapter as grammar mistakes will cause someone to stop reading your story.
Spot directing errors~
While some of the characters were entering or exiting the room, they were in an idle position. Meaning that their bodies were moving but their legs were together.
When you want characters to be a different height, it is important that they enter the screen at the height you desire, so it doesnāt look like they are walking up the screen or back.
Backgrounds not matching up~
I feel that the backgrounds that you used are not correctly portraying the characters wealth. The characters are millionaires but are living in a small apartment with a tiny crowded bedroom.
Talking but not talking~
It is important that when a character is speaking you are using a talking animation. There were some occasions where there would be one animation for four lines of dialogue. This makes the story look odd and the characters movements off.
Show not tell~
I have spent a lot of time reading through thousands of comments about things readers hate. A big one that came up a bunch would be show, not tell. This is an easy way of saying that we want to see what is going on. Other readers and I donāt like when you are just telling us about the things that are going on. We want to see the scenes of Lydia and Harry together and such.
Better cliffhanger~
The cliffhanger in the chapters need to be better. They didnāt have me wanting to come back for more as much as I wanted to.
Very tall~
The male characters were Very Tall! There needs to be different sized people and the male characters were just overly tall for me
Abbreviations~
If you are going to insert a curse word, just say it. I didn not like how someone would say āty, wth, wtf,ā Just take the extra 2 seconds to type them out.
Music matches mood~
The music needs to match the mood of what is happening. There was a tense scene between Micheal and Harry but there was bubbly music playing in the background.
Spelling errors~
There were some spelling errors that I recommend you fix in future chapters.
Mentioning scenes~
There was mention of dinner being prepared but then Lydia just went to bed. Make sure that if you say something is going to happen you imply that it happend or just show that it occured somehow.
Rushed~
Your story seems very rushed. In only four chapters I feel like I know everything about your story. Take your time and make the scenes longer. Have some normal days as well. There does not need to be something chaotic happening every day. I just feel like your story is very choppy and hard to comprehend at some times.
Hair changed~
Make sure that you give me the choice to choose my hair. My hair stays the same.
In the first scene with Harry in his office. He just sort of appeared
Intro errors~
In each intro, you have faded in and then the characters appear. It makes it look odd and weird.
Lydia does not have to do everything michael says~
I donāt like the fact that Lydia just obliges to Micheals wants. An idea to make that not seem like that could possibly have Micheal blackmail her in some way. She was obviously mad about him wanting her to come but she most definitely did not have to nor did she want to.
Plotwist~
I like that you have some plot twists BUT PLEASE extend this story. Draw the storyline over several chapters.
Donāt apologize for short chapters. Make them longer~
Another thing that I have learned is that people dont like when the writer apologises for short chapters. We want you to take your time and have a nice lengthy chapter for us to read, compared to a couple very short rushed ones.
Not so much customizing~
I like many people donāt like having a ton of people to create. Micheal is my step brother. He does not have to look like me or how I want.
Dramatic~
There is so much going on I canāt keep track of the characters or storyline. Like U said before, not everyday needs to be chaotic and your story definitely needs to be longer and spaced out.
Nickname pancake as the flash back scene~
I had this great idea that as Lydia is having a flashback of her and Michael, that would be a great opportunity to explain how the nickname pancake came to be. Also, if that is her nickname, why has he only said it once?
Breaking the 4th wall~
I, like most, do not like when characters break the 4th wall. Do not have Micheal talking to the reader as it becomes uncomfortable for us.
CHOICES~
There were barely any choices. I feel like I didnāt matter and that I had no imut on my story. Add some more choices that matter and some that donāt. But there needs to be more than just outfit choices!
Let me know if you need any directing help or ideas!!! Or if you have any questions!
Description Neoni, independently strong, confident and all about her business. But, that all changes when a nosy spy unnecessarily enters her life. Will she get rid of him or fall in love?
I only read the 1st 3 chapters as that was all of my tickets, but here is a list I have.
Make sure to capitalize each sentence
Some errors in spot directing~
When a background would change the characters just teleport in. I can help you with this if you need.
Introduce characters in story~
I recommend letting the characters be introduced throughout the story. I have done a ton of research on the forums platform and I have learned that readers prefer when we can see the characters tell us their story through their actions. Without the writer bluntly telling us.
Capital I and name~
Make sure every I and name is capitalized
Rushed~
Your story is very rushed. It makes it very choppy and difficult to comprehend. Just take your time and explain everything carefully. This story has great potential! But I donāt like how it was one day highschool next day of college.
Bg characters~
When you have background characters in a scene. It is very important they are placed correctly, and that they are not the default episode characters. Make sure that you have background characters and a lot
of them because a school has hundreds of people!
Fluent spot directing~
When a scene change happens, your characters kind of teleport onto the camera. They just show up, not as if they were already there. If you need help with this I would be happy to help you.
Talking but thinking~
Make sure you are using talking animations for talking things and idle animations for thinking things, it makes your story look better.
Show not tell~
It is important that you show us what is happening and not tell us. We want to see what happened in the summer and each characterās life.
Layering~
There were some layering issues, if you look up tutorials on youtube or images about layers on google you will see what I mean. If you canāt find anything, message me and I would be glad to help!
Height~
Make sure your people are proportional. You donāt want super tall boy characters and very short female characters.
Wasnāt interested after the 1st chapter.~
Give me a cliffhanger!! Make me want to come back for more! I wasnāt that interested after the first chapter and was kinda disappointed.
Give the reader some choices. We didnāt get any choices in the first 3 chapters and I was upset!!
If you have any questions or ever need any help with something, just shoot me a message!
Broo Iāve gotta say though your feedback just made my mind blow Thank you so much I think my story might actually come out good because of you so thanks againā¦
Hey! Thank you for the feed back! I am rereading my own story again and I do think the first episode is boring. I am trying rewrite the first couple of episodes add a bit more make it more interesting. I would love to get your feed back again when I fix these issues! maybe i can send it too you so you dont have to waste passes!
Thanks for reading
Heyā¦Can you review my storyā¦? I really want to know if my intro is okayā¦and if the length of my chapter is okay.
(Also please message me your reviews, Iām shyā¦ ) Title : Hollywood Spy Author : Magic Genre : Romance and mystery (mystery comes out later in the storyā¦) Story style : Limelight Story Description : A money-driven girl gets a job offer to go undercover as a model and spy on other celebs. Can she keep up with the love, drama, murder, protect her loved ones, and keep her secret? Episodes : 20, more episodes coming soon Link : http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6671297172340736 Cover :
I might do this later tonight though! Just wanted to let you know!
