If I wrote this story would you read it? Or change it?

Okay guys so I decided to make a story and I plan on spending about a couple of months or a year before publishing the story, the thing is I don’t know if you would like it or change it

I need help with my plot or more like feedback. If you would change it tell me how it should change. If you like it then… I guess you just like it. lol.

In my personal opinion, I think it should have deeper drama but idk how that’s why I came on here.

STORY PLOT
After 17 years of being kidnapped and trained into an assassin, Josephine Brown finds her biological father and murders him in front of his other daughter, Erin. As two years pasts, Erin seeks the death of her unknown half-sister. As Josephine also seeks for more vengeance.

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That seems really cool!

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That story sounds amazing i’d definetly read it ! <3

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I would read it.

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Love to read.

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Oooh sounds awesome! Personally, I love action stories so, I would definetly read!

And if you need help with anything, I’d be happy to assist you! :slight_smile:

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i like your bio

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The idea’s nice but I’m really not into mafia/assassin stories.

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Thanks :sweat_smile:

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Sounds different to most assassin stories. As long as you’re not intending on putting in cliche tropes then I think it could be very interesting to read.

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Yeah and that’s the thing I don’t want it to be so much mafia or assassin story, but I don’t what to adjust to make it less mafia any tips?

You could completely remove any Mafia aspects and just focus on the assassin part. Or you could attempt to portray the Mafia more realistically, (Which I have never seen done.)

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I like that those options, could you explain more of what of the mafia being more realistic.

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I can try a liittle bit.
A lot of what I see in Mafia related stories is your classic bad boy. It’s okay if he kills people I guess since hE haS a tRaumtic pasT. I also see the main LI being completely fine with his Mafia life (which I mean I would be out of there in seconds.) These type of Mafia cliches can be harmful especially to younger audiences. And the way the bad boy treats the LI is kind of toxic. It might help as well if your characters experience consequences for their actions.

The Mafia should be portrayed as it is: dangerous and NOT good. I don’t really know much about the Mafia, but I do know that I’ve never seen it portrayed correctly. You might be able to find some documentaries or articles online.

(You don’t have to read this next part.)

One of the main reasons I started writing/coding my story is because after watching a lot of Marvel movies, I was tired of how the characters could kill people without batting an eye or not experience any real consequences. I wanted my story to subvert those expectations and for my characters to experience the consequences and they won’t be able to kill without thinking twice.

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I always love a good assassin story, and you have given it a pretty good twist so I would definitely read it!

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That’s actually a really good description. I for sure see the way your going onto how they shouldn’t fall straight for each other, and the cliche of it all, but to show actual reality of it as if you were put in that position what would you really do.

I just really like your perspective and how you shape your stories I definitely have to use this sort of perspective into my story thank you so much. :blush:

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You’re welcome, glad I could help!! :slight_smile:

Hello! I finally found what I was looking for. Here you go:

This goes deeper into what I was trying to say and I suggest looking at this because she makes some very good points! :slight_smile:

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It sounds really interesting, I’d read it

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