I'm CLOSED to proofread your story! (HONEST FEEDBACK)

Thanks for the review!

Summary

Hi! Here’s what I thought of your story:

Chapter 1:

  • the fighting scene was cool. It looked like you knew what you were talking about. However, count the punches. The new episode guidelines only allow 5 punches/scene
  • “to breathe again”
  • when the master enters the scene, he becomes smaller. Spot him off scene horizontally to his position onscreen and make him walk to his position.
  • the mini game glitched for me?
  • this chapter was kind of short for me, however, the idea and the pace were pretty great. I love the characters and the fighting scenes were really well described!

Chapter 2

  • woah the father’s plot twist

  • in the scene where the dad slaps the mom, put the dad at a higher layer (for example, mom moves to layer 2 and dad moves to layer 3) so that he’s in front of her when he hits her. Also, maybe remove the Cup?

  • They were so cute together!

  • I didn’t understand exactly the dialogue between noah and Roy at the restaurant. Were they going at the friend’s house or were they staying in, exactly?

  • When Roy and Noah stepped out of the car, where did their car go?

Overall I really enjoyed the plot of this story. :))

1 Like

Thank you very much

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