I'm doing first chapter reviews

hey, i’m sloane and i’m new to the forums. i’m out of stories to read for now but i’m also low on passes, so i’ll be reading and reviewing first chapters. reply with a link to your story and i’ll review it honestly based on plot, directing, grammar, choices, and more.



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Title: Revelations
Author: HuwaydaA.Z.
Description: With your miserable past, you think you know all that was to it. But what happens when you find out that someone else may know about it more than you do?
Episode: 3 or 4 (Ongoing)
Genre: Drama.
Style: Ink
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4871236977557504

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Hey @sloane. Thanks for this!

Story Title: Soccer Moms: Blast to the Future
Author Name: Winter05 with Episode Royalty
Style: INK
Genre: Drama
Story Link:

Instagram: winter05.episode

I hope you enjoy my story! :wink:

~ Winter :snowflake:

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Title: Cupid’s Arrow: Love Gone Wrong
Author: GirlLykAnn
Style: Ink
Genre(s): Drama, Romance and Fantasy
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5759154808684544

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Hi, @sloane!

Thank you very much for creating this thread, this is very kind of you! Constructive criticism is exactly what I am looking for!

If you are interested in reading a story with several mini-games and where CHOICES REALLY MATTER then, please, give my story a try. I promise, the story will keep you hooked :blush:

My story details:

Name of story: H & V: Fate
Author: Alex Af
Genre: Thriller
Episodes: 4 (completed)
Summary of story: Young ambitious journalist hunting down a powerful tycoon who has made a fortune based on lies. But who really is a villain here? Choices matter.
Link to story: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6548486212681728
Instagram: @episode.alex.af

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Hi, could you review my story It’s called Life Without Jennifer

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Hey there, @sloane! Thank you for creating this thread! I’d love a review of my first chapter! Here are my story details:

Title: Silhouettes
Author: aprilish
Genre: Fantasy/Romance
Style: Ink
Blurb: Arion’s ready to risk it all to make her dreams come true. Leslie sees him every day, yet fails to recognize who he is. Watch them fall in love…without ever meeting each other.
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6116658762874880 1
My Instagram: @aprilish.episode

Thank you so much! Looking forward to hearing your feedback! :blush::two_hearts:

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Hello @sloane ! Kindly review my story. These are the details. I hope you like it. :blush:

Title: Puppy Love
Author: Lou
Style: Limelight
Genre: Romance w/ a touch of Fantasy
Link: https://www.episodeinteractive.com/s/i/5630801559027712
IG: @authorlou.episode

Jason caught himself in a CRAZY, complicated situation. Watch out on how he will handle his true feelings for Alli. Will he fall in love with his DOG??

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I’d love to know what you’re thinking of my story :slight_smile:

Name: Fantastical: Nature’s caprices
Episodes: 3 (just in case you like it so much you want to read more than the first episode :smirk: )
Genre: Fantasy, Comedy, Mystery, Romance mix

Story name: Under Construction

Author name: Nika Tyler

Genre: Fantasy

Description: Due to your curiosity you end up getting blamed for something no human could possibly do. Will you prove you’re innocent or perhaps discover something much darker along the way?

Number of episode: 3 and ongoing

Style: INK

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5265835262607360

Thank you very much! :blush:


Story Title:A Dream Come True For Maxine
Story Description; In this story Maxine make a demo album in hopes of getting a record contract! Will Maxine’s dreams of becoming a professional singer come true find out by playing this story!
Number of episodes:4
My first story ever! :sunglasses:

alright, i’m starting the reviews now. stay tuned!

hey, i’ll start off by saying your story was very intriguing. drama is one of my favorite genres i appreciated the mystery and action of the opening scenes. however, one thing that was a little bothersome was that the plot wasn’t very developed at all through this first episode. the ominous references to the MC’s past were suspenseful but nothing got cleared up at all throughout the chapter. i understand that this is only the first chapter but if no information is revealed at all, the reader might not get hooked as easily since the direction of the plot is unclear.
in terms of characters, the foundations for the personalities of some characters were laid but you didn’t go into much depth. it kind of seemed like the typical cliché mean girl, mindless minion, bad boy, shy nerd, and sassy, sarcastic MC. i would hope these characters to be developed more in the future because they weren’t anything unique or different.
i like how the choices seemed to matter, mostly the one about the seeing the principal and signing the petition. the choices with only one choice were okay: i liked the choice sequences to run/punch because it added drama, but i wasn’t a fan of the choice to stand up for ourselves because there could have easily been an option to not stand up for ourselves. if you wanted the MC to be bold and stand up for herself, you didn’t have to make that a choice at all.
your directing and grammar were almost perfect. the directing wasn’t super advanced, but it was solid. the only problems i saw were in the first scene, the MC were briefly stop running before starting to run again; when the mean girl and her friend are talking, the mean girl pops up after the friend is already there; and during the fight scene at the end, the zoom is on the MC’s face the whole time which is kind of annoying and takes away from the drama of the moment.
overall, your story is interesting yet a little confusing. there are some clichés but over time if you develop the plot and the characters right, it could be really original. the grammar and directing are good and the choices are decent.

i thought the main premise of the story was interesting and i think your plot is headed in the right direction. however, there were a few details/plot holes that stood out to me. first, i was just a little confused why Alyson and her friend graduated in the opening scene, but right after that, Alyson was getting ready for her soccer game. the graduation scene wasn’t really necessary and it only caused plot inconsistencies. also, i just felt in general like the plot was moving a little fast. the scenes themselves were short, and i think more drama and suspense could have been added to further develop the story. for example, the moment with the old lady could have been super creepy, but instead it lasted about 30 seconds.
the characters could have been much more developed, i think. the only personality we sort of get to know is Alyson, and all i can really tell about her is that she loves soccer and overworks herself. as the story goes on, i hope the personalities of the characters are developed much more because as of the first chapter, everyone is pretty bland.
i felt like there was an okay amount of choices, but none of them really had an impact on the story. the scene in the hospital with Alyson, her friend, and the nurse had a couple choices, but it was more or less meaningless dialogue that had no effect on the story.
i don’t remember any grammar issues and the directing was fine as well. nothing special, but no issues. i also enjoyed the art scene! i thought that was a nice touch.
overall, i thought the idea of the story was good but it could have been implemented a little better. the characters were bland, the scenes were short, and the action was too fast-moving. that said, the directing, grammar, and choices were all solid. nothing was spectacular, but it was decent enough with no mistakes.

to be honest, i’m not exactly sure what the plot of your story is. all i really understand from the first chapter is that the MC’s best friend is actually dating Holly, and the two of them are being rude to the MC. cupid is introduced towards the end of the chapter, but he never really plays a role. i know you say that the first chapter is supposed to be boring and that the story will get more interesting after chapter 3, but this is really off-putting as a reader because i want to see the plot unfold right away instead of meaningless filler.
the characters were basically stereotypes and clichés, including the mean girl, the football captain, the sassy and goofy best friends, and the sarcastic MC. so far these characters are total clichés, so i would hope that their personalities get developed further in future chapters. i enjoyed the banter between the MC and her best friends because it set up the traitor situation with the one friend dating Holly, but i also think this moved too fast and wasn’t explained much. i would have liked to understood more of why Holly is mean to the girls, why the friend is dating Holly, etc.
there weren’t a ton of choices but there was a decent amount. it didn’t seem like they had an effect on the story.
the grammar was pretty good, but the directing was one of the downfalls of the story in my opinion. the zooms and spot directing were okay, but all of the background characters were defaults. this was kind of annoying, especially because some characters were use different multiple times. for example, Ivy was identical to Mrs. Windmill. changing the looks and the outfits of the background characters seems like a minor thing but it’s actually really important because it shows the reader that you are putting effort into your story. even when the author appears and says, “i’m lazy,” that’s really off-putting to a reader because it makes it seem like you don’t care about working hard for your story and your readers.
overall, i wish the direction of the story was more clear. the tension between the characters and the addition of cupid could make it interesting, but as of the first chapter, no significant action occurs. the choices and grammar were solid, but the directing was more distracting that it was impressive.

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Thank you.

~ Winter :snowflake:

Title of the Story : A Christmas Tale
Author Name : Catside
Style : Ink
Chapters available : 10 (more coming soon)
Genre : Fantasy (with a bit of romance, mystery and action)
Description : On Christmas Eve, you wished you life were different. Your wish comes true but in a non-expected way…will you be able to fight your own family and to face heavy secrets ?
Link : http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6446369138278400

Thank you :slight_smile:

first, i just want to say that i’m really impressed by this story. i loved the plot. i thought the story was paced well and each scene was meaningful and important to the story. i love the idea of the MC wanting to become a journalist. even if there is a romantic aspect to the story, i think it’s fresh and unique to have the MC focused on her career before anything else.
i thought the characters were pretty developed for the first chapter. the MC was characterized with the most depth, obviously, but i liked your portrayal of Tara and Branna as well. it was a little bit of “telling” rather than “showing” but i think there was a well struck balance between the two. some of the characters seem a little single-faceted for now, but i think they will be more developed in future chapters. i can’t wait to see what Brian is like – i have a feeling he will be a very complex character.
i’m sure you already know this, but your choices are great! though it’s hard to tell now, i’m sure they will matter in the future so i love that. some of the choices are a little obvious in terms of what’s the good/bad option, but it still forces us to decide what we want the MC to be like. the mini-game was also a nice touch.
the grammar and directing were good. i can’t remember any mistakes, if there were any. the directing didn’t blow me away but it was very solid.
overall, i really enjoyed your story. the plot was interesting, the action moved at a good pace, and the characters were good. the choices mattered and the grammar and directing were solid. i will definitely be reading the rest of this story when i get more passes!