I'm in need of a honest review

Creator's Corner Share Feedback
, ,
3

Oky so here’s the review of your first chapter–

coollogo_com-23638501

  • The description/teaser looks a bit odd in contrast to the story. Maybe ya can replace it with " When Jade is given the choice of her first love, a mafia king, or his partner in crime. Will she ever make up her mind? Find out in the upcoming chapters of Make Up Your Mind. (LL) (CC)(LGBT OPTION)"

  • In the first scene, I cannot see any motion or panning to the right while she narrates which makes the part a bit boring.

Screenshot_20200130-082308_Episode
Screenshot_20200130-082308_Episode1080×1920 846 KB

  • In this scene, in my opinion the MC shall be saying, " Fine…Just keep in mind, that I hate you ", instead of " Fine, Just know that I hate you ".

Screenshot_20200130-082425_Episode
Screenshot_20200130-082425_Episode1080×1920 564 KB

  • Here you made a sudden scene change I see. Maybe try previewing this scene yourself and make out the errors.

Screenshot_20200130-082600_Episode
Screenshot_20200130-082600_Episode1080×1920 643 KB

So that’s all for the first chapter. I also liked the motion parts in the story such as the one in the bar. If you like this review, I’d try to get you a review for the other chapters too soon.

1 Like