I’ve been working on my story quite a bit recently and I am in need of some 100% honest reviews of what I have done. So far I have 4 chapters completely finished. For the chapters I currently have, it is fantasy/action.
I pride myself on taking constructive criticism for my stories, and I really want to make this story amazing before I publish (which will probably not happen for quite some time). I would love feedback on grammar, directing, diversity, characters (personalities, quality, etc.), plot (clarity, interestingness) , and whatever else you can think of.
Feel free to PM me advice or comment it in this thread. Thank you in advance!
Omg I’m loving it so far! Besides I really love reading fantasy, your story have something that make it kinda addicted.
The animated overlays in the beginning and in the end are amazing, and the spot directing and zoom shows the effort you’re putting into this. Btw, could you please tell me how you do the subway scene?
However, I think the chapters are too shorts. I totally understand the amount of time that write the kind of episodes that you’re doing is a lot, but the redding time is really short.
Anyway, I truly hope you publish the story soon bc I dying to know how this continue.
Good luck in your writing!
I can always make dialogue scenes longer haha. Thanks for telling me. I did a timed run through and thought it was long enough, but I guess not
Thanks so much for the review. I also love writing fantasy! This story is gonna be going in a really interesting direction and I’m excited to write that. I’ll keep u updated on my publishing status
INT. METRO STATION with METRO WALL AND GROUND to 2.008 -6 -5 at layer 2 with YELLOW TRAIN to 3.466 -4092 -98 at layer 0 with YELLOW TRAIN DOOR RIGHT to 0.928 -2486 138 at layer 1 with YELLOW TRAIN DOOR LEFT to 0.928 -2558 138 at layer 1 with METRO INTERIOR to 0.766 -2302 134 at layer -2
&zoom reset and cut to zone 1
&BG3 spot 0.865 240 170 in zone 1 and BG3 faces left and BG3 moves to layer 3 and BG3 is talk_handsonhips_neutral_loop
&BG1 spot 0.838 275 201 in zone 2 and BG1 faces left and BG1 moves to layer 5 and BG1 is idle_armscrossed_shifteyes_loop
&BG4 spot 1.099 75 92 in zone 2 and BG4 faces left and BG4 moves to layer 7 and BG4 is talk_phone_surprised_happy_loop
&BG5 spot 0.892 164 173 in zone 1 and BG5 faces right and BG5 moves to layer 4 and BG5 is talk_armscrossed_neutral_loop
&BG2 spot 1.180 60 66 in zone 1 and BG2 faces left and BG2 moves to layer 7 and BG2 is text_phone_neutral_loop
&MC spot 1.621 -85 -227 and MC faces right and MC moves to layer 8 @transition fade in black in 4 @pause for 1 @MC walks to spot 1.621 100 -202 in zone 1 in 3 and MC does it while walk_neutral_rear and MC faces left
&MC walks to spot 1.225 190 53 in zone 2 in 4 and MC does it while walk_neutral_rear and MC faces left then MC is idle_rear and MC faces right @pan to zone 2 in 4 @pause for 3
&pause for 1.5 then BG4 is hangup_phone_neutral then BG4 faces left and BG4 is idle_rear
&overlay YELLOW TRAIN shifts to -1125 -98 in zone 1 in 3 using easeout
&overlay YELLOW TRAIN DOOR LEFT shifts to 87 138 in zone 2 in 3 using easeout @overlay YELLOW TRAIN DOOR RIGHT shifts to 167 138 in zone 2 in 3 using easeout
&overlay METRO INTERIOR scales to 0.838 0.838 @overlay METRO INTERIOR shifts to 105 120 in zone 2 in 0 using easeout @pause for 1
&BG4 walks to spot 0.712 172 248 in zone 2 in 5 and BG4 does it while walk_neutral_loop_rear and BG4 faces left then BG4 walks to spot 0.676 179 305 in zone 2 in 2 and BG4 does it while walk_neutral_loop_rear and BG4 faces left then BG4 moves to layer -1 and BG4 walks to spot 0.676 44 305 in zone 2 in 2
&pause for 0.75 then BG1 walks to spot 0.721 216 249 in zone 2 in 2 then BG1 walks to spot 0.685 189 313 in 2 then BG1 moves to layer -1 then BG1 walks to spot 0.685 38 313 in 3
&overlay YELLOW TRAIN DOOR LEFT shifts to 25 138 in zone 2 in 1.5 using easeout
&overlay YELLOW TRAIN DOOR RIGHT shifts to 225 138 in zone 2 in 1.5 using easeout @pause for 0.25 then MC walks to spot 0.739 216 246 in zone 2 in 7 and MC does it while walk_neutral_rear and MC faces right then MC walks to spot 0.694 203 305 in zone 2 in 2 and MC does it while walk_neutral_rear and MC faces right then MC moves to layer -1 and MC walks to spot 0.694 67 313 in zone 2 in 2 @pause for 2 @remove MC @remove BG1 @remove BG4
&overlay YELLOW TRAIN DOOR LEFT shifts to 87 138 in zone 2 in 1.5 using easeout @overlay YELLOW TRAIN DOOR RIGHT shifts to 167 138 in zone 2 in 1.5 using easeout
&overlay YELLOW TRAIN shifts to 50 -98 in zone 3 in 4 using easein
&overlay YELLOW TRAIN DOOR LEFT shifts to 1580 138 in zone 3 in 4 using easein
&overlay METRO INTERIOR opacity 0 in 0.5 @overlay YELLOW TRAIN DOOR RIGHT shifts to 1657 138 in zone 3 in 4 using easein @pause for 1
Characters needed:
BG1
BG2
BG3
BG4
BG5
MC = Main Character, just change the name to whatever your MC’s character name is
