So here is the thing, I have a guy best friend, we have been bffs since kindergarten. We literally grew up together and have been with each other through all of our ups and downs. He is my biggest supporter and I am his… And then when we were about 15 we developed a crush on each other and we briefly dated… but it didn’t work out for a number of reasons, and some of the major ones were the fact that we always saw each other as bffs first and as a couple next so it sometimes got a bit weird, like being with a brother kind of and it felt odd, and from that came a lot of jealousy because like I said with each other we were acting brotherly and it got to a point were we were weireded out by simply hugging each other cause it felt… idk… inappropriate? But with other people we were talking and touching them without second thought and it was just normal with them, but unfortunately it wasn’t so normal with each other anymore… and he was jealous that I was like that with other people, but couldn’t be like that with him, and I was jealous for that same reason, but we were young and didn’t really know how to work through our problems… so we broke up… It was really weird after that at first, we were both sad and we didn’t talk to each other for upcoming weeks. But we cared for each other too much and in the end we became friends again, although we never spoke of our relationship after that to this day. After a few months passed we fell back to normal and became bffs again. I think the biggest cause for that was exact reason that tore us apart in the first place, we were friends first lovers second, I mean we never really went to the second base with each other so it was easier to maintain seeing one another as just a friend (and not an ex). So we began sharing everything again, we gave each other dating advice and we really moved on… It has been 5 years. Now we are both 20 and we are still bffs. But lately we have been veryyy flirtatious with one another and we are talking all day every day. At first I thought we were just joking around and that it was just flirting as a way to mess with each other (btw he started it). But now when we are together and when he looks at me I… I don’t know he just has that look you know, his pupils dilate and I know I am not imagining it… but the thing is he never does anything. And I am not sure if it’s because he thinks that I wouldn’t feel the same or because he doesn’t want a relationship with me. It has been eating me up from inside for a long time and I actually wanted to let it go, but then I tried to look at it from another perspective, and honestly I cannot imagine myself right now with anyone else, and even if I was and if he asked me to be together I know I would ditch that someone for him, also I cannot imagine him dating some other girl, I know I wouldn’t want him to be in a relationship and I would be jealous and hurt…But the thing is I am scared, what if I am reading everything wrong and it was just a friendly flirtation and joking around after all. What if I tell him about my feelings and he doesn’t feel the same (if I manage to do it in the first place considering how shy and insecure I am) or what if he doesn’t want a relationship with me. And biggest what ifs are of course what it that confession ruins our friendship or what if we get in a relationship and history repeats itself… I don’t know if I could come through yet another breakup with him… and this time I could really lose him… so is it really wort it to mess up our friendship with persuing relationship that maybe won’t even work? I really need an advice you guys, and if someone was in my situation please tell me what did you do and if you are/were in a relationship how did it go and was it really worth it in the end
Thank you for sharing that. Such a beautiful, yet sad story. If I was in your position, I think I would just confront him. Of course, at a good time. Tell him you need to talk about something serious and go on with it. Tell him everything that you have been feeling and seeing. For me, honesty and communication are the key factors to a successful relationship. If he looks at you in a way and is sending flirty messages, chances are he probably is interested in you again. Of course, this can’t be certain, but it is most likely. You say you are a shy and insecure person, so confronting him may be hard. But just express how you feel about him and you are wondering if he has feelings for you. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. Personally, I’ve never been in such a scenario, so I don’t know how it would feel to lose someone you have loved for a long time. If he says he wants to try again with the relationship, go in for it. You guys seem very close, but I don’t think one breakup will destroy the whole friendship. I think I would go in with it, and if it works out, it was a win. If not, you know that he is not the one. Plus, you guys are much older now. You are more mature. Hopefully more confident. You should just be honest. If he doesn’t love you in that way, and only as a friend, it’s okay. He missed out on lots of amazing experiences. As long as you have your priorities straight and are ready for a relationship, I don’t see the problem with just trying it out. The first time you guys broke up, you stopped talking. But you also have to remember, you guys are more mature and grown up. You should be able to communicate feelings and emotions to one another. Okay, I know I keep saying the same thing, but I could talk about love forever. But, my main point is, just tell him. Everything happens for a reason. Always for a bigger and better future. I wish you all the best. Please, pretty please, keep me updated on this though. I would love to keep helping you if you need help.
I haven’t read that much for so long
Ok so based on my dating experiences I’m trying to compare my situation with yours. I got in a relationship with my best friend and that ruined our friendship because of jealously and selfishness. We broke up and after a while, he started being like you said (flirtatious and stuff like that) but that stopped and we stopped talking that much, which was a really good thing because talking 24/7 lead to a lot of fights
And now, after 4 months we’re friends and i found myself catching feelings again
My bestie google said that it’s absolutely normal to still be attracted to your ex… maybe you feel like something is left unfinished in your relationship (like my case) or maybe you just remembered past experiences that you liked!
But anyways, my advice is:
It’s not worth doing it again… I’ve seen these kinds of things and it just never works out!!! But if you really really really want to get with him again, I would say to actually be honest with each other… If it bothers you when he talks with other girls, just tell him and he should do the same. Of course it is human nature for people to get jealous but as grown adults you should be honest and talk with each other
Well I hope that made sense cause I got a headache typing it 🥲
Omg thank you, you are so sweet! But unfortunately it is easier said than done it will probably take me some time to gather up courage to do so (insecure overthinker here ) if I ever decide to tell him I will let you know how it went, but for now I am just figuring out all my options (and also lowkey hoping that he will make the first move, although by this point it seems very unlikely)
Omg I am so sorry to hear that, I gotta admit your story is so sad and it actually discouraged me a little bit I was actually dreading someone saying that it isn’t really worth it, but I really appreciate the honesty. I am glad you guys found the strength to be friends again, and I am hoping if I ever have the talk with him and it goes south we will have the strength to to the same. You just take your time and hopefully as the time goes on your feelings will start to fade away… I hope you will find “the one” soon enough and will be happy with him
I wish you nothing best the best. Good luck, love
Aww thank you girl!
I know the feeling of wanting it to work so bad! But if you get with him and at some point you have a fight you won’t only lose your lover but also your best friend, you know
Can I ask you something else tho, sorry if I am bothering you but we are in similar situation and can relate to each other so I got a question. Do you ever get the feeling that if it doesn’t work with you bff, the person who knows you the most and with whom you shared so much, it will never work with anyone else? Cause I honestly don’t know how to get rid of that feeling, like I have been thinking and if he doesn’t want me and he really really knows me, like the real me, who will ever want me you know? I don’t know if that makes sense but like if I can’t make it work with the person like him, how can I ever make it work with anyone else (not that I want anyone else rn, but if he rejects me I probably will in the future and I just can’t picture that) I don’t know if I feel like this because I only want him right now so it’s like a defense mechanism or I would feel like that even if he wasn’t (romantically) in the picture.
I know and the thought of losing my bff scares me, but one of my biggest fears is also that if I am not good enough for him I will never be good enough for anyone else… So at this point him rejecting me would not only hurt me so much but would throw me in self pity and overthinking and I would feel like I am just not that date worthy and I don’t know how I would ever get back out there…Sorry for spamming you but I just feel so sad and insecure lately and I am of course too much of a coward to just talk to him about all that…
I agree 100% with @Honey_bae
Despite my relationship with my best friend (who isn’t anymore) not working out for the best. I hope it works out for you. I’d like to see you guys happily together, but if not, I’m sure you’ll find someone else in future who will occupy your mind and your heart.
Aww thank you , so sorry it didn’t work out for you
Y E S… Sometimes he tries to find me another boyfriend because he’s trying to help me get rid of the feeling of wanting him again, but no one can replace him No one knows me like he does and no one will make me feel like he did!!!
I would say give it some time… like if not days or weeks you will probably be ready to date other people again soon! Don’t worry about it, there are plenty of fish in the sea
Well, it kinda depends tbh when did you start catching feelings again?
Noooo don’t say that!
If he makes you feel like that then I’m sorry but he’s going to get virtually slapped
Of course you’re good enough hon, if he and everyone else doesn’t see that then it’s their loss!!
Do you have insta? I’m going to help you get through this
Omg you are sooo kind and supportive, thank you so much for being here for me and for all advice you gave me, as you can imagine I can’t really talk to anyone about this (as he is my bff) so this really helped me to get weight off my shoulders…
Btw I don’t have insta unfortunately but I do have Messenger and WhatsApp if you want to talk there, thank you again, I really appreciate this
I have messenger too
And you don’t have to thank me at all!!! A lot of people have the same problems and I love helping them as much as I can
I don’t know if you have messenger via Facebook or a phone number, but either way if you feel comfortable sharing it with me, you can send me a private message here and I will add you
Wow this is the exact same reason for me too to get scared of confession I mean you get it right it’s like there are a lottttt of “what ifs”
Such a sad story
I’m not really all that good with relationship advice, but I’ll try to give some good ones.
If you feel as though you like him and he likes you, like more than friends, then go for it! But, you should always keep in mind that if it doesn’t work out, then you may be losing your best friend. You have to chose whether you want to continue to be friends, or if you want to be lovers, possibly forever, possibly not. Because, I can tell you that coming back from a romantic relationship, to become friends again, is not easy and .ay even take therapy.
I hope that this helped, and good luck.
Thank you , I know and that’s what keeps bothering me because I am so scared of losing him
I fell in love with my best friend in high school.
Trouble is, she was always dating someone else. (and she once told me, in conversation, that she would feel uncomfortable around a friend who confessed his love for her, so I Kept My Damn Mouth Shut.)
I even attended her wedding to someone else and thought, “Well, that’s it, I guess, I’ve lost her forever,” and went away to university.
When I came back after four years, I had grown, and experienced and I could quote Shakespeare better than she could. In short, she saw me in a different light and started to see me as more than just a friend. I, however, Never. Stopped. Loving. Her.
She left her husband (who had been abusing her, by the way. Reuniting with me reminded her of who she used to be, and how much she’d since become a quieter, more frightened version of herself.) and we were married two years later. Our daughter, born three years after that, is in university now.
I wish I had the courage to tell her sooner, or things had worked out differently and we’d gotten to spend more of our youth together, but honestly, we both had growing up to do.
We had to learn what we didn’t want to understand what we had.
She maintains that if we had been a couple back then, Young Her would’ve taken Young Me for granted, used me up, and our romance might’ve ended there, and possibly our friendship too.
To make a short story long, maybe some distance is needed.
Find out who you are by yourself, before you try to be with someone else. Sometimes we don’t appreciate what we have until we’ve lost it.
Or, you know, carpe diem and damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!
What works for one person may not work for another. Your mileage may vary.